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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want my 6 year old DD to spend tomorrow cooking?

111 replies

PintameElCielo · 23/12/2013 18:40

I think I am.

DH's family are Spanish and MIL has just started teaching DD how to cook. I have really mixed feelings about it- if she were a boy she would not be in the kitchen, but she adores spending the time with MIL and I do think it's important that she understands the culture. The cooking effort for Christmas starts tomorrow at SILs and DD and I have been invited. She is desperate to go but I dunno, I just don't want her to be another woman stuck in the kitchen while the men sit on their arses and do nothing.

OP posts:
Original poster
PintameElCielo · 23/12/2013 19:14

As a child, she's able to run about if she wants. I don't know what happens when she gets older, she's the oldest grandchild. I still stay in the kitchen and try not to get in the way when I'm not doing something.

OP posts:
LRDtheFeministDragon · 23/12/2013 19:15

Darn, massive cross post there.

DeWe · 23/12/2013 19:16

All my dc (dd1, 13yo, dd2 10yo, ds 6yo) love cooking. Start them early (we had them standing on a step from about 15-18 months "helping") and they can cook for themselves.
Now dd1 can cook dinner at times, and even ds can cook little things with only help with oven etc.

All mine would have much rather been in the kitchen helping than sat outside being bored. Ds would have been most upset if he wasn't allowed.

AwfulMaureen · 23/12/2013 19:17

Let her go for an hour but then remove her. I understand OP. My DH is Aussie and the culture is infused with sexism. I've had to face things which others would think minor and ignore..but which I won't ignore.

The kitchen is one of them....I made my stand early.

BlueStonesBells · 23/12/2013 19:17

DeWe, sounds like you've got it exactly right! it's great that your son loves to cook. OP's in laws probably would not even have allowed him in the kitchen.

Original poster
PintameElCielo · 23/12/2013 19:19

I think MIL's brain might explode if DH did anything except pick up a fork!

OP posts:
AwfulMaureen · 23/12/2013 19:20

Well tough titty on MIL! You don't live in 19th century Spain. Don't reap her heritage at the expense of your DDs perception of men.

BrownSauceSandwich · 23/12/2013 19:20

Her being in he kitchen isn't the problem, it's the fellas sitting round on their arses, and it sounds like she's being exposed to that either way. If you want to teach her something different, get your husband to go and learn a bit with her, so it's a family thing rather than a women thing.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 23/12/2013 19:21

No, it won't.

What does your DH actually think? If he is able to stand there and say 'mum, I'm going to stay with DD', he will do it.

I agree with brown - it's something he needs to do; there's a limit to how much you can do.

AwfulMaureen · 23/12/2013 19:22

I agree with BrownSauce you need to begin with DH...he needs to challenge the bollocks.

bordellosboheme · 23/12/2013 19:23

Cooking is a useful life skill. If she's a single independent feminist, she's still going to need to cook, isn't she?

BlueStonesBells · 23/12/2013 19:23

Exactly what BrownSauce said. Learning to cook with the family is lovely. Learning that men are there to be waited upon is not.

Jengnr · 23/12/2013 19:24

Let her cook, but make sure any future son gets the same privilege.

Your husband needs to back you to the hilt on this.

aquashiv · 23/12/2013 19:25

I grew up unable to cook as my Mother who couldn't the chaos of children in a kitchen refused to let me in so let her go its a skill like any other but if you have a son send him too.

Sirzy · 23/12/2013 19:27

While she wants to then I would let her, perhaps then after christmas encourage her at home to teach her dad to cook some of the things she has learnt to try to tackle the feminist issue?

If she didn't want to go then I wouldn't make her, but the cooking is an important skill to learn

WooWooOwl · 23/12/2013 19:28

That sounds lovely to me. I will be spending tomorrow cooking with my ds's just because that's what I always did as a child on Christmas Eve, and they are children as much as they are boys.

Original poster
PintameElCielo · 23/12/2013 19:30

YES DH is willing to go with her tomorrow. I have a novelty snowman apron, I think if I give it to them DD might think its funny and ask for him to say.

baby steps...

OP posts:
cjel · 23/12/2013 19:30

I think its a fantastic normal thing. My dgcs are here for weeks before christmas or easter making and preparing with me. Again they do as much or as little as they like, we eat put music on chat etc. Baby dgson was here this year eating measuring fruit for mincemeat and cakes etc. Its only women at the moment because the men work but it is grandsons as well. Not sure I'd be happy with encouraging H to sit it all out on christmas day though!

Original poster
PintameElCielo · 23/12/2013 19:30

*stay

OP posts:
LRDtheFeministDragon · 23/12/2013 19:31

Good on your DH! Smile

And good on you.

ILoveAFullFridge · 23/12/2013 19:32

What a shame it would be to miss out on not only a learning experience and time spent with family, but also a female bonding experience - just because the activity is stereotypically female. Nothing wrong with stereotypically female activities! Maybe in granny's house only the women cook together, but, ultimately that does not matter. You will have plenty of opportunities to model different gender behaviours.

Certainly you should both go. Work hard, connect, feel pride in your creations, and enjoy.

Original poster
PintameElCielo · 23/12/2013 19:32

He looks afraid, I must say Grin Muttered something about needing a helmet and armour, but the accent got terribly strong there....

OP posts:
bionic77 · 23/12/2013 19:35

She will always need to eat so I believe it is a skill worth learning whatever your gender. If she wants to do it why stop her?

LRDtheFeministDragon · 23/12/2013 19:39

He'll be fine! Grin

I think this is how it changes.

And if he is scared he can always mutter something about how he's just there for DD, nothing else, little girls are so fond of their fathers ...

She will have a lovely time.

lookatmybutt · 23/12/2013 21:36

Good bog, why is this non-issue an issue? Indoctrination? What a load of crap.

Don't you think it's important that she learns how to cook well?

My nan taught me how to cook the vegetables my grandad grew and tended in the garden and allotment. If anyone says this is wrong they have a cold, black, dead soul and are also not very practical.