to not want my 6 year old DD to spend tomorrow cooking?

[PintameElCielo]

I think I am.

DH's family are Spanish and MIL has just started teaching DD how to cook. I have really mixed feelings about it- if she were a boy she would not be in the kitchen, but she adores spending the time with MIL and I do think it's important that she understands the culture. The cooking effort for Christmas starts tomorrow at SILs and DD and I have been invited. She is desperate to go but I dunno, I just don't want her to be another woman stuck in the kitchen while the men sit on their arses and do nothing.

butt the child's granparents are part of an outdated and sexist culture where men don't do certain domestic tasks. That is a HUGE issue....you can crap on about how important cooking well is...of course it is...and there would be no issue if the husband's side of the family taught the boys as well as the girls! What part of that don't you understand?

Ignoring part of your history and culture because it doesn't fit with your beliefs is just cutting off your nose to spite your face. Participating in this will not indoctrinate her to believe that women should cook and wait on men. It will be only a part of her learning to be a woman. Her dm and df will have far more influence on her through their day to day lives. The pros of participating vastly outweigh the cons.

It really sounds like she will have a great time. I don't think you should stop her doing it because your imaginary DS would not be allowed to join in.

Some of my happiest childhood memories are of me in the kitchen with my sister, Mum and Gran.

Fridge what tosh! By your statement, ALL kinds of outdated "cultural" practices should be maintained! Genital mutilation is a cultural practice..it's an extreme example but just because something is traditional does not mean it's right.

I did say that the gender role division was right and should be maintained. I said that the pros outweigh the cons. What - is she never to eat at her dgm's in case she sees the men being served first and the women doing all the chores?

Bugger!

I did not say that the gender role division was right and should be maintained.

no...not that but to insist that her DH challenge this...I am afraid my DDs would not be eating in a house that insisted on shite like this at all. Even their Grandparent's home.

I didn't insist that her dh challenge it.

No no...that's what I think should happen!

My children love cooking. And yes the boys get involved too. They make things they want to eat so are very enthusiastic cooks. Embrace it! Believe me, if a child is not willing they will let you know regardless of their gender.

We cross posted...when you came in with your "bugger"....

It's not his job to change his dm's culture. It's his job to model correct behaviour for his dd. it doesn't have to be all or nothing.

Sorry, yep you're BU (having just read the OP).

Just because she's a girl AND cooks doesn't mean she cooks BECAUSE she's a girl. Cooking is a skill for either sex. Sounds like a great idea to me!

Lets unwind some threads of the problem here.

You, quite rightly, don't believe your daughter should become a gender stereotype.

In MILs culture women run around after men, you don't want that to be absorbed even unconsciously.

But in this particular situation she is doing something she loves with people she loves and who love her.

You can't cook the dishes but she will have them memorised by the time she is 10, so if she chooses to have children in the future they can be passed down a generation - that's quite a cultural heritage.

There is also lots of potential for pointing out that a 6 year old girl can do things better than a 40 year old man and how ashamed he should be (all done jokily).

I think this is not about tomorrow it is about her future and she needs to know it is her choice to cook, that she doesn't have to run around after anyone.

Think about when she is 14, and doesn't want to help, you can back her up to the hilt and say that as your dd has a dual heritage she can express either at any time, and in your culture you don't cook Spanish food and run around after the men.

My DH is Aussie and the culture is infused with sexism

Say what?

Someone wants to teach your child a really important life skill. One she'll use every day. She's keen to learn.

Go with it!!!!

I would only send her if DH took her, and DH stayed and took part with her so she didn't get brainwashed see that only women were preparing all the food.

I grew up in Spain and on xmas day, the men did FA. It was just like you describe it. However, it did not take me long to realise how wrong it was and I certainly have not passed that old cultural habit onto my DS. You can let your DD participate but make sure you tell her that men should be helping as well and Abuela is just old fashioned. Seeing this horrible habit a couple of times a year will not influence her for life.

Snort at Aussie culture being infused with sexism any more than any other culture.

soldeinvierno you have a beautiful name!

Thinking about it. Is the invitation really to learn how to cook or to be the little helper that spends all day going backwards and forwards to the living room, collecting the men's dirty coffee cups and ashtrays, and bringing more coffee in? I have been in that role many times as a child

It is interesting really.

As a non- Brit, I have spent many a Christmas helping MIL and SIL cooking Christmas lunch. The men meanwhile sit in the living room and drink.

Also, present buying and wrapping, as well as doing cards, seems to the women 's job too.

I know many families here where that seems to be the same.

Don't know one man who carries the responsibility forChristmas here. Some may "help" though, certainly.

My point is, the UK to me is quite like Spain in this respect!

And I worry about my sons thinking this is normal.

I have 2 boys and they love cooking/baking with their Grandmother. It's how traditions get passed down to the next generation and preparing celebration meals is a central part of family life imo.

I don't see why you're so against it OP. It shouldn't matter if you have a son or daughter.

I quite enjoy cooking with my sisters and Mum/MIL on Christmas Day.

The 'men' are not sitting around though, they are usually playing with kids, or assembling trestle tables or cooking the BBQ.

Or in DH's case making me cocktails.

Even worse, last year they put up the trampoline.