Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mil wants to sleep in our bed

133 replies

DrinkFromSantasFountain · 23/12/2013 15:54

My mil is coming to stay Christmas Eve night, we house share with sil who will be away so mil was to sleep in their bed but mil has decided that she doesn't want to sleep in the attic room she wants our bed, I have problems with anxiety and really can't face the idea of someone sleeping in my bed or me sleeping in sil bed, also ds is 2.5 and still comes into our bed in the night sometimes, especially when he's excited or unsettled so he will probably want to be in bed with me at some point but if I'm in a different bed he wouldn't sleep. We have a perfectly comfortable sofa bed too which she's welcome to.

Am I being unreasonable or is she?

OP posts:
IamInvisible · 23/12/2013 17:13

I wouldn't sleep on the floor for anyone.

I doubt the OP would be able to get up off the floor if she tried to sleep there, tbh!

Original poster
DrinkFromSantasFountain · 23/12/2013 17:13

Mil has a memory foam mattress at home she adores it. I've texted her back and said.
"There's no way I can manage it for you to have my bed, there's either the sofabed or sil's bed for you, if you don't want to stay we can pick you up Xmas morning. Xx"

She's replied "ok we will see when I get there" in other words she's hoping I'll change my mind when she's here.

We will see, we will see which alternative option she wants.

Mil and I speak openly about our illnesses what with us having the same thing, she has it more severe than I do but has said herself that she is doing well with her meds whereas I was only recently diagnosed and we haven't managed tofind a regime to suit yet. I'm not trying to say I'm in more pain than her but she has tools to control her pain whereas I do not.

OP posts:
Golferman · 23/12/2013 17:13

Attic is the Best place for a mother in Lawrence :-D

Golddigger · 23/12/2013 17:16

Is it possible that she is feeling worse than she was lately, but doesnt want to tell you. Hence she is now thinking she may not be able to manage the attic or the sofa bed?

BlingBang · 23/12/2013 17:16

Surprised at folk so precious with their bed. If I had a visitor, especially an elderly arthritic one, I'd have no problem letting them sleep in my bed if the alternatives where maybe not so comfortable or great for them. It's only a bed. You have other issues Op so not so clear cut for you but just surprised at the general consensus.

Original poster
DrinkFromSantasFountain · 23/12/2013 17:16

I sat on the floor to play trains with ds this morning, it took an hour and lots of pain to get up again.

It would be horrific to try to sleep on the floor!

OP posts:
purrforamincepie · 23/12/2013 17:20

Oh op there's a lot of crazy on this thread. Do what you need to do to ensure your pain levels and mobility remain on an average level over the festive period.

There's fibro and hypermobility in my family but all I have is a really really bad back, I was crawling about like a crab yesterday. I wouldn't give up my bed for anyone.

dustwhatdust · 23/12/2013 17:22

Yes I agree with Valium and Rice- especially regarding all the others who said - 'absolutely no way, it's MY bed ' !!!
Very selfish !

Andrewofgg · 23/12/2013 17:23

YANBU, YANBU, YANBU.

whatever5 · 23/12/2013 17:23

She's replied "ok we will see when I get there" in other words she's hoping I'll change my mind when she's here.

I would assume that she means she will decide whether to sleep in your SIL bed or the sofa bed when she gets to your house. I think you are getting unnecessarily worked up over this to be honest.

FixItUpChappie · 23/12/2013 17:26

YADNBU - the arrangements sound more than adequate to accommodate her. If she doesn't like it...she only lives 20 min away and can go home!

Cheeky of her to ask IMO

purrforamincepie · 23/12/2013 17:28

This thread has reduced me to gibbering and gesticulating so wildly I nearly toppled my freshly opened bottle of lovely winter cider yumminess.

SolomanDaisy · 23/12/2013 17:28

I think you were being a bit unreasonable not to ask why. She has arthritis as well as fibro, which will have its own separate impact. I also think it is a bit odd of all these people saying they wouldn't give up their an bed for anyone! There are plenty of reasons it might be necessary.

But you're very brave having 2.5 year old who gets up during the night in a high sleeper!

Bloodyteenagers · 23/12/2013 17:29

Omg 'we will see' she's having a laugh. Do not let her sleep in your bed. She could be the queen of Sheba, but she would still be sleeping in one of the spare beds, or bugger off back home. I have spare beds, and no way would I ever give up my bed because someone else fancied sleeping in it.

sockssandalsandafork · 23/12/2013 17:31

YABU - she's elderly with health and mobility problems? I think you should give up your room, I would hate it too but needs must. I don't think old ladies like 'bunking down' on sofa beds in lounges either.

I think you need to do the right thing op :)

dontcallmemam · 23/12/2013 17:32

Wouldn't she be more comfortable at home in her own bed? Collect Christmas morning sounds more sensible.

Littlegreyauditor · 23/12/2013 17:32

How come selfishness at Christmas only applies to the DIL? I assume the MIL is coming for Christmas to be wined and dined and waited upon, so why does she have the right to demand OP's bed as well? That sounds pretty damned selfish to me.
As a guest in the house she could sleep where she is put, in the perfectly acceptable spare bedroom with en-suite, or she could stay in her own bed and be collected the next morning. Neither scenario is any great hardship, and certainly doesn't warrant impassioned pleas on her behalf and accusations of selfishness.

YANBU OP, nor are you being selfish. Your MIL is being both.

IamInvisible · 23/12/2013 17:33

I'd make your DH ring her tonight so she is clear that she will not be sleeping in your bed!

I would not be able to relax with this hanging over me, tbh, and I know that sounds pathetic. Blush

rookietherednosedreindeer · 23/12/2013 17:33

I'm as fond of a text as everyone else, but sometimes there is an occasion when a phone call is needed. This is one of them.

Her response is cryptic and whilst it can be interpreted however you want, as this matter is causing you anxiety, surely the sensible thing to do is pick up the phone and say " Just wanted to check you were ok MIL. You do understand why you can't sleep in our bed - it's just not possible because of my condition and DS getting in. Are you sure you are happy with SIL's bed or the sofabed as if not, it's honestly no bother to pick you up on the morning."

That way you don't need to worry about it any more. You have stated your position but in a caring considerate way.

bishboschone · 23/12/2013 17:34

No one sleeps in my bed except me and dh . Sometimes my kids , it's just yuck and I don't have anxiety issues . Tell her to sleep on the sofa or not come .

sockssandalsandafork · 23/12/2013 17:36

Ooh I really need to RTFT!!! lol, 60 isn't elderly, and she lives 20 mins away! I still feel a bit sorry for (mil) her though.

Your bed your rules I s'pose

valiumredhead · 23/12/2013 17:38

60 can be elderly, depends on the individual.

TheABC · 23/12/2013 17:39

OP, you have clearly stated your position and she has a choice of alternatives. Your house, your decision. I hope this can be resolved amicably on her arrival and that you have a wonderful Christmas, with extra snuggles from your DS. :-)

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 23/12/2013 17:40

We will see.... Ahahahaha.... Just you wait, you will head up to bed, strip off on the way, and climb in without looking, and lo and behold, she'll be waiting for you, in YOUR BED!

Tell her to stay home, what is she, the princess and the pea

foreverondiet · 23/12/2013 17:43

I would probably give up my bed as she is DH mother and has mobility issues. She is probably anxious about the stairs if she needs toilet in the night. If there is a toilet in the attic then fairer to be firm and say no as you will help her up at bedtime. Sofa bed doesn't sound comfortable for older woman?