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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mil wants to sleep in our bed

133 replies

DrinkFromSantasFountain · 23/12/2013 15:54

My mil is coming to stay Christmas Eve night, we house share with sil who will be away so mil was to sleep in their bed but mil has decided that she doesn't want to sleep in the attic room she wants our bed, I have problems with anxiety and really can't face the idea of someone sleeping in my bed or me sleeping in sil bed, also ds is 2.5 and still comes into our bed in the night sometimes, especially when he's excited or unsettled so he will probably want to be in bed with me at some point but if I'm in a different bed he wouldn't sleep. We have a perfectly comfortable sofa bed too which she's welcome to.

Am I being unreasonable or is she?

OP posts:
SantanaLopez · 23/12/2013 16:11

I wouldn't mind this. Is she worried about the stairs?

If she's elderly she might have to use the loo during the night, she could be worried about getting up and down attic stairs in the dark.

GodRestTEEMerryGenTEEmen · 23/12/2013 16:12

"This is a joke, right? You have an elderly relative with mobility problems coming to stay and you want her to struggle up attic stairs?"

Did you read the OP or her subsequent posts?

She also mobility issues. Why does the MIL's trump hers? It's her house and her bed.

Stay strong OP and tell her no no no.

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 23/12/2013 16:12

We always give up our bed to guests, especially if elderly! Not sure why all this rage!

allmycats · 23/12/2013 16:12

So, there is a medical reason why she would struggle to get up to the attic. However, is there a reason she can give you as to why she can't sleep on the sofa bed. ?

SugarCaneShortCake · 23/12/2013 16:13

Is your bed upstairs? If it is, won't she struggle to get to your bedroom? Let her have the sofa or stay home and turn up Christmas morning.

steff13 · 23/12/2013 16:15

Perhaps the attic isn't the best choice, but offer her the sofa bed. What sort of bed does your son have? Would she be more comfortable in that, and he could sleep with you?

bigTillyMintspie · 23/12/2013 16:15

I wouldn't be happy to give up my bed and I have no health issues.

Agree with those saying sofabed or come on Christmas morning.

HECTheHeraldAngelsSing · 23/12/2013 16:15

Can your husband swap the mattresses so that although shes in that room, shes not on your mattress. Would that help with your anxiety?
I can see why you might not like it, but I can also see why she might hope to not go up to the attic. I would imagine that even in you percieve her pain to be not as great as yours, its still hurting her.
so if there can be another way round it that you can both be ok with, its worth finding.

Original poster
DrinkFromSantasFountain · 23/12/2013 16:19

We both have similar mobility issues, she's only 60 so not exactly elderly. There's stairs to our room which is on the same level as ds and the bathroom and then more stairs up to the attic which has a tiny en suite. She sent me a text I just don't know how to reply.

OP posts:
Scholes34 · 23/12/2013 16:21

Do you know for certain that your DS won't sleep if he's in a different bed, even if he's with you? I think you've already made up your mind on this and are looking now to justify it. As I said previously, make the decision, if it's the right one you should be happy with it and not come up with more reasons to justify it.

GodRestTEEMerryGenTEEmen · 23/12/2013 16:21

"I'm sorry, no you can't have my bed."

Is how I would reply.

mousmous · 23/12/2013 16:23

don't reply, just present her with the lovely bedding for the sofa bed when she arrives.

YellowDinosaur · 23/12/2013 16:24

Erm nope, its your bed, she's the guest. She sleeps where she's put.

This.

Your reply to her text is 'why?'. Then you can word your fuck off no appropriately.

JockTamsonsBairns · 23/12/2013 16:25

My DM is coming to stay for 4 nights over Christmas, and she'll be sleeping in my bed. She has arthritis, and I want her to be as comfortable as possible. Dh and I will sleep on the sofa bed in the living room - it's not great, but we're young and fit and it's fine for four sleeps. It means also that she can go off to bed when she wants, without everyone having to vacate the living room, and Dh likes to sit up late watching telly.

I have 3 Dc's, but none of those beds would be suitable for her. Teenage Dd has a low studio bed type thing, and the younger two are still in junior beds. DM feels guilty about putting us out our bed, but I'm happy if she's comfortable and feels welcome. She's getting quite old, and will have travelled 700 miles to see us, so it's important to me that she gets a good sleep.

Original poster
DrinkFromSantasFountain · 23/12/2013 16:27

She would manage the stairs to the attic and stay up there all night and Dh would help her on the stairs if she needed it. I don't like people in my bedroom full stop, Dh comes to bed after I'm asleep because otherwise I'm too wound up to sleep.
I don't think her pain is less than mine just that hers is better managed and she takes the sleeping tablets that I can't, sleep, dietary and anxiety issues are all part of the whole wonderful fibro package.
I'm going to tell her that either she sleeps on the sofabed or attic otherwise either Dh or I will pick her up Christmas morning.

OP posts:
HECTheHeraldAngelsSing · 23/12/2013 16:28

Is it worth asking her why she is asking for your bed? If you know her reason, maybd youll discover its something easy to sort out.

but if you like, you could text back, sorry mil, theres huge semen stains on the mattress and we dont like anyone else to sleep on them.

Grin
RaspberryRuffle · 23/12/2013 16:29

No, it's your bed and your house and presumably nobody is forcing her to spend the night. Get it over with ASAP, reply saying you are preparing for her arrival, does she want sofa bed or SIL's bed. Don't let her be under the illusion that she is having your bed.

If you need to give excuses (not that you should, but if it helps) say you have just changed your sheets last night and don't want to change them again tomorrow.

To those who don't see the problem, OP has mobility issues and has got her own comfy bed which she should stay in.

DownstairsMixUp · 23/12/2013 16:29

Hate it when people dont read the thread. OP if you have issues to of course you can tell her to stay on the sofa bed! It's very entitled and i'm guessing she knows you have issues to so it's really rude. I would give up my bed for an elderly relative but i am healthy, wouldn't do it if i had problems to. She can come xmas morning if she still refuses.

HECTheHeraldAngelsSing · 23/12/2013 16:30

I also have fm btw, and have posted about it and my other disabilities many times before. I have to drive an adapted vehicle, have a medical bed and a disabled wet room. I do understand what its like.

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 23/12/2013 16:32

There's a bed already free, she's a nut job, tell her no... It's a full sentence

whatever5 · 23/12/2013 16:32

She has perhaps forgotten that you have mobility/pain issues yourself. DH's relatives also do that (I remember being really irritated once when DH's aunt told me to give up my seat for her cousin who was only about 60).

I would get your DH to explain the situation to her. If she's worried about the attic stairs she can sleep on the sofa bed.

Original poster
DrinkFromSantasFountain · 23/12/2013 16:33

Ds is in a cabin bed which she wouldn't be able to climb into, he's a funny sleeper, when we took him on holiday the first two nights he cried until 3 am for home.

I want her to be as comfortable as possible, sil has a £1500 tempur mattress and the sofabed has seen many of sil's guests through the night.
The sofabed is in sil's living room, we each have our own so she can go to bed whenever she wants.

OP posts:
bunnymother · 23/12/2013 16:35

"Hello! Got your text, but unfortunately I need to stay in my bedroom. If the attic is too many stairs for you, how about our comfy sofa bed? Let me know, love Drinking". That's the text I would send.

rookietherednosedreindeer · 23/12/2013 16:37

As she is usually nice I'd respond as politely as possible. It may be that she has had a flare up of her condition, or has forgotten about yours.

I'd phone her up and suggest the sofa bed or remind her about SIL's tempur mattress and say you will help her up the stairs. She might be worried about needing the toilet during the night.

Speaking to her will help to understand what the exact nature of her problem is, but in theory no YANBU.

lougle · 23/12/2013 16:38

If we had all read your thread and said 'YABU', would you have let your MIL have your bed? I'm thinking the answer is no to that, so there's little point in justifying your position.

Only you know whether your anxiety and Fibromyalgia is a higher priority with her Fibromyalgia, in terms of 'who needs the bed most'. At the end of the day it's your bed and she's your guest, so she has to accept the bed she is given.