Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mil wants to sleep in our bed

133 replies

DrinkFromSantasFountain · 23/12/2013 15:54

My mil is coming to stay Christmas Eve night, we house share with sil who will be away so mil was to sleep in their bed but mil has decided that she doesn't want to sleep in the attic room she wants our bed, I have problems with anxiety and really can't face the idea of someone sleeping in my bed or me sleeping in sil bed, also ds is 2.5 and still comes into our bed in the night sometimes, especially when he's excited or unsettled so he will probably want to be in bed with me at some point but if I'm in a different bed he wouldn't sleep. We have a perfectly comfortable sofa bed too which she's welcome to.

Am I being unreasonable or is she?

OP posts:
purrforamincepie · 23/12/2013 16:39

This is turning my stomach a bit. She doesn't think that she would share with DH does she? Sorry to suggest it. I don't mean in any sexual way just in a mummy and son time way

Why is she asking you via text and not your DH? Does your DH not have a mobile?

TinselinaBumSquash · 23/12/2013 16:40

"Sorry Mil but our bed is set up just as I need it to be able to sleep! as you know Fibo can make it tricky! We either have the very comfy sofa bed or the attic room though so it's up to you which you sleep in.

Gruntfuttock · 23/12/2013 16:42

" She might be worried about needing the toilet during the night."

That was my thought too.

fluffyraggies · 23/12/2013 16:42

Like 99.9% of the MIL threads here - this could/should be dealt with by your DH really.

There's an en-suit up in the attic room and she is going to receive help up and down the stairs if she needs it.

YANBU

How many husbands and boyfriends are out there worrying about problem solving personal issues with their wives/girlfriends mothers? Not many i'll bet. Why is this?? Why does it seem so many men cant/wont stick up for their partners and wives and it's left for them to deal with 'The Inlaws' ??

(not so much your DH, OP. He doesn't even know about it yet, i know) (i'm just having a rant)

purrforamincepie · 23/12/2013 16:43

She has an en suite. RTFT.

valiumredhead · 23/12/2013 16:43

I'd always offer our bed to elderly guests, always, especially if they would struggle with the stairs.

GodRestTEEMerryGenTEEmen · 23/12/2013 16:44

RTFT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GodRestTEEMerryGenTEEmen · 23/12/2013 16:44

Also, she's 60. That's not elderly.

FFS

RTFT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gruntfuttock · 23/12/2013 16:45

"She has an en suite. RTFT."

Yes, I'm sorry I see that now.

purrforamincepie · 23/12/2013 16:46

Fluffyraggies, totally with you. I would have forwarded this text straight to my DH if it had been me. It will never be me, because my MIL believes texting to be a very technologically advanced process and it should be the preserve of young people (she's not elderly, her sister can text reams) and, of course, men. Because it's technology.

My FIL is texter extraordinaire however. And if I don't reply in a timely fashion he texts my DH to tell on me!

purrforamincepie · 23/12/2013 16:48

Tee! Xmas Grin Have a gin good woman Wine

GodRestTEEMerryGenTEEmen · 23/12/2013 16:49

I'm nearly 45, Purr. No way is 60 elderly!!!

Xmas Grin
Kendodd · 23/12/2013 16:51

but mil has decided that she doesn't want to sleep in the attic room she wants our bed

Shock

I can't believe anyone would have the cheek to say they want your bed!

Original poster
DrinkFromSantasFountain · 23/12/2013 16:52

I know there's no chance she's going in my bed, I'd tell her I'm worried that she'll find my huge dildo collection under the bed first.

I just needed someone to tell me I'm not being a twat.

A summary for those who don't know how to rtft

Mil has mobility and pain issues, I have similar issues

I have anxiety which means sometimes I can't cope with Dh sleeping in our bed.

Ds isn't a good sleeper and sometimes sleeps with me, I can cope with him there he's part of me.

We have a very comfy sofabed on the ground floor, an attic room with an incredibly expensive mattress and an en suite.

she would get help on the stairs if she needs it.

She only lives 20 min away and we would be willing to pick her up Xmas morning.

OP posts:
IamInvisible · 23/12/2013 16:54

Just because she takes sleeping tablets, more meds etc doesn't mean her pain is any better managed than yours. I take an absolute shed load and right now am fighting back tears due to the pain I am in. I too have fibro, amongst other disabilities.

When we had a memory foam mattress it was shit, it made my pain a lot worse. If you have a lot of pain and difficulty moving they can make it hard for you to turn over in bed. I used to be become stuck in a position, unable to move out of it. My spinal and pelvic surgeon both told me that they can cause people more problems. I wish I had asked them before we shelled out over £1000, but DS2 has it now and loves it. Maybe she has heard things about them.

At the end of the day, it's your bed so you can do what you like. I would be reluctant to give up mine, I couldn't sleep on a sofa bed, so in your shoes if she wouldn't be willing to sleep anywhere but your bed, she'd have to come on Christmas morning.

Youhaventseenme · 23/12/2013 16:55

Whooooo hoooooo, the ultimate in control.

fluffyraggies · 23/12/2013 16:56

Xmas morning pick up then, i'd say OP.

legoplayingmumsunite · 23/12/2013 16:57

So there is an option of a tempura mattress in a bedroom with an en suite or a sofabed in a private room on the ground floor (so no stairs)? If there was no spare bed available then fair enough but when there are two options available to her then no. Agree with the 'why' text.

rookietherednosedreindeer · 23/12/2013 16:58

Sorry I have maybe missed this bit, but how did she let you know? Was it a text and if so what did it say?

Obviously the way she has asked has wound you up, so it would be interesting to know exactly how she asked/told you.

Oh and the fact that the attic room has an en-suite is important, as is the fact she is only 20 mins away - strange that she even wants to stay.

purrforamincepie · 23/12/2013 16:59

Blah blah my pain is more than yours blah blah how dare you blah dildo collection

Thread summary for those who can't be arsed to read it.

Norudeshitrequired · 23/12/2013 17:00

You have a medical bed because you need it. It doesn't matter who is coming to stay it's still your bed (specifically for your medical needs). Don't give in. Just tell her that you can't sleep in any other bed due to your condition, but that you will be more than happy to make her comfortable elsewhere in the house.

scripsi · 23/12/2013 17:01

Just text back saying "sorry that isn't possible, happy to pick you up in the morning if you don't want to use the attic room". End.

RiceBurner · 23/12/2013 17:06

What valiumredhead said.

It's just a bed. And I can't believe so many of you are saying "no-one sleeps in my bed" without considering any circs where it might be the right thing to do to give up your bed for an elderly relative.

Sure, there's no need to give up your bed if there is a perfectly good (other) bed (eg SIL's) for your guest and MIL is happy with that. But I would always make sure my guests (the ones I liked at least) were well looked after. If this meant giving them my bed, then I would do that, if it was obvious they would be better off in my bed than the alternative bed. (Also depends on whether or not you made the invitation or they just announced they would come!)

I have given up my bed/room in the past without any sense of being deprived. (When I have invited people and decided to give them the best room.)

It's up to you to decide whether ur MIL is being unreasonable, (or not), cos we are not in any postion to judge.

It's basically an evaluation of your need (to stay in your own bed) versus her (possible) need to be in your bed/room rather than in SIL's.

Only you can decide but I think it is possible that MIL is not being unreasonable eg if she struggles to get to SIL's room.

It's your call, but surely you would give up your bed (and even sleep on the floor) if someone (dear to you) was in dire need and if there was no alternative?

Where is your charitable side at Xmas? (You and all the others who said "no way"!)

Shame on you all to be so overtly selfish ... and at Xmas too!

HECTheHeraldAngelsSing · 23/12/2013 17:09

Op's got fm. If she was to sleep on the floor she would be in unbearable agony.

GodRestTEEMerryGenTEEmen · 23/12/2013 17:11

ARGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111

That is all.