Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? Sons girlfriend cooking for herself in my kitchen?

129 replies

RoseRedder · 22/12/2013 20:00

Don't know if I am or not?

DS1 girfriend is usually here from Friday through to Monday

When I'm cooking I always ask if she would like some, sometimes she does other times she might not like what I'm making or not be hungry at that time.

She often buys some things for herself and of course I would never expect her to offer to share food she has bought.

However I have an open fridge/freezer policy and she knows she is welcome to help herself to what ever is in

I'm just feeling a bit Sad as she has just made baked potatoes with cheese but didn't ask if I wanted one too.

Am I being daft?

OP posts:
ChasedByBees · 22/12/2013 20:02

No I don't think so. I'd just say, "oh next time you make something like that, could you ask me too? I'd love a baked potato."

It's fairly light but lays out the ground rules.

usualsuspect · 22/12/2013 20:02

Why didn't you ask her to put a potato in for you?

Original poster
RoseRedder · 22/12/2013 20:04

I was wrapping presents in the bedroom usualsuspect so didn't know

OP posts:
NigellasDealer · 22/12/2013 20:04

yes say something but make it light and throwaway like ''''ooh baked potatoes my favourite, stick one if for me next time you're making them!'''

NigellasDealer · 22/12/2013 20:05

*in

Vivacia · 22/12/2013 20:07

How old is she? Why isn't she eating with her boyfriend? I'm guessing she's late teens given your description. It probably doesn't occur to her that you'd be interested, so I think you just need to give her a gentle nudge that she should offer next time.

Original poster
RoseRedder · 22/12/2013 20:09

she's 20

Ds and Gf have very differnt diets so rarely eat the same thing.

OP posts:
LCHammer · 22/12/2013 20:10

Oh God, is this what they do next? Move in together at weekends? Do I have to go for long walks?

LCHammer · 22/12/2013 20:10

Ah, 20, I thought they were younger.

BrownSauceSandwich · 22/12/2013 20:11

If she's living with you nearly half the time, I think you need to work out how you want it to work, and then you need to talk to her about it. You sound like you've been pretty open and generous about it so far, but if you're starting to feel hurt about a baked potato, then you need to nip it in the bud before any real resentment sets in.

I expect she does this because she doesn't want to take advantage of your hospitality, but it sounds a lot like having a lodger, which is an imposition of a different kind. Yours is a family home, not a house-share, and you're not unreasonable to want to keep it that way. I'm sure you can work out a middle ground that you can both be comfortable about.

Vivacia · 22/12/2013 20:11

I think it's a good sign that they both feel comfortable with her staying over, and her using the kitchen.

vtechjazz · 22/12/2013 20:12

Laying out ground rules!?! No wonder so many mil's get shit on here, why not just draw up and print out a hierarchy with you at the top and her at the bottom, I expect chased has one.

Vivacia · 22/12/2013 20:13

Yours is a family home, not a house-share, and you're not unreasonable to want to keep it that way.

I think that hits the nail on the head BrownSauce.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 22/12/2013 20:15

roseredder... I think she's pretty selfish actually. If I were your son's gf, staying with you for 3 to 4 nights per week (or even the odd one or two come to that), I'd be expecting and wanting to show my appreciation for your hospitality. I'd expect to cook for the family one night per week or get a takeaway or something, flowers for you maybe.

I certainly wouldn't be making use of your fridge/freezer and NOT offering to make you something that I was cooking for myself. That's just rude.

What does your son say, your husband/partner? What about the rest of your family? Does this gf do anything to show her thanks? Also - what about your son - his guest, his responsibility.

I'm quite miffed on your behalf, roseredder. Shock

OHforDUCKSchristmasCake · 22/12/2013 20:15

I actually would expect her to offer. I find it odd that it makes you sad.

When she has a family it will probably come naturally to her to buy for many and cook for many but its just a jacket potato. Its not a family meal that she is offering to an extra person.

Its a jacket potato.

OHforDUCKSchristmasCake · 22/12/2013 20:16

*wouldnt expect her to offer.

Pfffft. Fat fingers.

Annunziata · 22/12/2013 20:16

I'd hate it, but if she's staying all that time, she must feel at home.

NewtRipley · 22/12/2013 20:17

I was thinking along the lines of BrownSauce

Maybe this is her way (assuming she's polite, thoughtful and tidy) of keeping herself to herself sometimes

HappyCliffmas · 22/12/2013 20:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 22/12/2013 20:19

Cross-posted with BrownSauce

vetch... I'm aghast at your post; perhaps you'll get the kind of DIL that treats her partner's family with such disdain and not mind - but I certainly would.

Beeyump · 22/12/2013 20:20

Do you feel offended that she doesn't help herself to what's in your fridge/freezer? I don't really understand. I am already quite terrified of my boyfriend's mum though, so this may be pushing me to be sympathetic to the girlfriend.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 22/12/2013 20:21

I don't understand this really - what were the rest of the family having for tea? Wasn't there any discussion about the family evening meal beforehand?

Beeyump · 22/12/2013 20:22

Yes, were the baked potatoes in question a snack? A proper meal?

QuintessentialShadows · 22/12/2013 20:23

Why does she stay with 3 nights/2 days per week every week? Cant he got to her home so they alternate?

vtechjazz · 22/12/2013 20:24

Well, if me and lying went head to head in a simpering doormat dil contest, I'm sure she would win. But I dont think my mil wants me to kowtow to her. And I would never let a guest in my house feel the need to bow and scrape for acceptance.