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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

PIL and Christmas

156 replies

MrsGaryKielhofner · 21/12/2013 19:35

It's a Christmas and PIL one! Sorry!

Have two DC aged 7 and 5. This will be the first Christmas we have spent with PIL since DC1 was a small.

Today, MIL said that the plan is presents are to be opened just before lunch when SIL (child free) arrives. DH said he thought Santa's presents should be in the morning . MIL was unhappy and apparently expressed some concern about what time DC will get up. PIL are not early risers.

DH and I are planning on sticking to our guns and putting Santa's presents out when we go to bed. We will tell DC no earlier than 6.30 but then open presents.

So, is it unreasonable to do this or do others leave ALL presents to later in the day? Family presents will be done when SIL arrives.

Also, should we wait for PIL to get up if we do morning presents? If we do it will be after 7 and DC will be climbing the walls. (A pre 6am wake up isn't unusual on a normal day!)

OP posts:

halfwildlingwoman · 22/12/2013 09:33

The greatest pleasure of Christmas when I was a child was taking my stocking into Mum and Dad's room and opening them with my sisters and giggling and feeling loved. The greatest pleasure of Christmas now I am an adult is my DC coming into bed with us and opening their stockings. It's not just about the presents, it's about the love. What is the point of having stockings and Father Christmas if they have to wait? PIL have had their turn at this bit when their children were little. It's your thing to see the kids open their stockings and their faces when they see what YOU chose for them. PIL and SIL presents can wait until later.

pictish · 22/12/2013 09:33

Indeed.

MadeOfStarDust · 22/12/2013 09:45

It's no wonder that families row and fall out at Christmas - all the sleep deprivation!!!

We have always from day one let the kids do their stockings when they wake up... which for us has luckily by design and tweaking bedtimes been 7ish... then after 8 they can get up and go downstairs...

The day seems much more civilised if we don't get up at the crack of dawn then have bloomin hours waiting for lunchtime....

HaveAFestiveLittleChristmas · 22/12/2013 10:07

cjel I normally concur with many of your posts across the board, but saying " We have built a lot more into our family than shopping and presents. Perhaps you should try it. As I say I laugh every day with my children and grandchildren " is extremely patronising in conjunction with choices about present opening.

As I am sure is the case with many other families, my home, and life, is also full of love and laughter with family on a daily basis, not presents & shopping. The youngest members of the family are super children, and not prone to "demanding monster" behaviour induced by one day a year of not having to wait. They are also fully aware of a meaning of christmas which has nothing to do with gifts.

Despite various sojourns elsewhere over the years, the whole bunch are back with me again this year ....those without children submitting cheerfully to the usual shaking awake by DGC's and great nephews, to "come and see - Santa's been". We all revert to being kids again, for a few hours. Interestingly, I would say the levels of happiness are directly related to the fact that we share the same laughter and love all year. The two are not mutually exclusive!!

I don't care what everyone else does.
I do care when people start being patronising and judgemental about it all.

2beornot · 22/12/2013 10:11

Not read all responses so sorry if thread has moved on, but I think your compromise is perfect. Santana's presents as soon as they wake up, then save the rest til sil gets there.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 22/12/2013 10:13

Well quite Friday16 that's it.

2beornot · 22/12/2013 10:13

Oops meant Santa. Don't know why Santana is bringing your children presents.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 22/12/2013 10:20

Yy to haveafestivelittlechristmas

Except I don't have DGCs. But otherwise, that's what I was thinking.

Besides, there'sa lot to fit in between FC and lunch.
Cooking, eating sweets, playing with toys, church, a walk.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 22/12/2013 10:21

At would be cool 2beornot

pictish · 22/12/2013 10:22

Oh I agree Festive - I read that comment and winced at the sanctimony too. Sorry cgel.

DamnBamboo · 22/12/2013 10:37

"We have built a lot more into our family than shopping and presents. Perhaps you should try it. As I say I laugh every day with my children and grandchildren"

Actually laughing out loud at this. Properly laughing. Thank you - in the wise words of elf - 'I like smiling. Smiling is my favourite' ().

It speaks volume that you presume that nobody else can be doing it right if they aren't doing it like you.

I would regale you with the tales of my advent activities/winter solstice fun with the kids and just general gathering over the last three weeks but I honestly have nothing to prove! And we don't do church - we're atheists!

So glad you think you're a fun person!

DamnBamboo · 22/12/2013 10:43

In fact one year some cousins turned up on new bikes about 8.30 and they all thought it was weird they were 'done' with their christmas already and bored!! we were still in the giggling about santas gifts and new clothes stage!!!!

Really, bored at 8:30 in the morning on new bikes? I think perhaps you are telling a little fib here.

cjel · 22/12/2013 10:45

I'm also glad that you have fun. I know atheists that I have fun with too - who'd have thought.{fgrin]

the reason I said all that was because you said that it wouldn't be great to be a kid in my house at christmas.

Didn't mean to come across as sanctimonious but was just responding to a Poster who queried that we have fun at my house
Calm down its only christmas!!!!

Dubjackeen · 22/12/2013 10:47

Santa presents, first thing, definitely. The grandparents don't need to be there, the kids will enjoy showing them later what Santa brought. I don't have kids, but that is how it works out in my parents house, where various members of the family stay over, together with their kids.
Santa leaves the presents in the bedrooms where, usually, parents and kids are camped out. The rest of us can still have a bit of a lie-in, so everyone is happy. OP, I would go with your normal routine, laugh off the idea that Santa presents are not opened until later in the day. By all means, the other pressies can be opened later when everyone is around.

cjel · 22/12/2013 10:48

Also Not telling fibs about bikes !! Afraid thats another of my weird things. I don't need to fib on internet forums!!!

DamnBamboo · 22/12/2013 10:51

Also Not telling fibs about bikes !! Afraid thats another of my weird things. I don't need to fib on internet forums!!!

Perhaps CJel but being bored within an hour or so after receiving new gift says more about the children than the fact that the gift was opened early I'm afraid.

Anyway, each to their own!

DamnBamboo · 22/12/2013 10:52

Anyway, I don't think that those of us who allow chidren to open their gifts would consider it 'done' by 8:30 either.

Just saying...

jellybelly18 · 22/12/2013 10:58

We were allowed to open any 3 presents of our choice before church and the rest after. We used to pray for the priest to hurry up!

cjel · 22/12/2013 10:59

The point was these children had opened everything by 8am and believe me or not stood on my doorstep with nothing left to look forward to as they had had all their surprises for the day. They were really 'done' with christmas and actually said so!!!!

Does say more about children than the time of gift opening, but the point i was making again was responding to someone up thread who was saying that it was almost child cruelty forcing children to wait, when all I am saying is opening them all early isn't always appreciated.

Sounds like we are saying the same thing there DamnBaboo!!

DamnBamboo · 22/12/2013 11:02

Yes perhaps we are cjel.

Happy Christmas.

cjel · 22/12/2013 11:04

Didn't want to say that to you as it has 'christ' in it
and you thought I was being awkward, But thanky ou very much and the same to you and yours - whatever time you open pressies

DamnBamboo · 22/12/2013 11:08

and cjel

Original poster

MrsGaryKielhofner · 22/12/2013 11:09

Thanks everyone! We will be going down the route of presents in the bedroom and be overt about needing snacks. It is hard when PIL looks at you like your DC are abnormal because they may need a little supper before bed after a lunch that finished at 3. He isn't hungry but will eat later. They have to sleep for 12 hours!

I remember that feeling of going to see what Santa has brought. On a selfish note it will also mean DC easier to keep quiet during the morning so leisurely breakfast etc will be easier.

Christmas isn't just about presents but it is a big part of it when you are little. It was funny though to hear DC1 telling DC2 not to moan if Santa doesn't bring what he asked for.

MIL is an excellent cook though so we are looking forward to that.

OP posts:

R2G · 22/12/2013 11:09

Could you maybe video the kids coming down the stairs and seeing all the presents Santa has left, and then read out a little note from Santa saying please choose two presents each to open, but keep the rest til Granny is watching- hint, the ones with the red bow are the ones the elf thinks you should open!' (So you can miss out the grandparents ones and choose a good one, and one that will keep them occupied for a bit). Maybe also put a carrot at the top of the garden and some reindeer dust the night before. Then you could say let's get dressed and go and see if the carrot has been eaten, and do that and then maybe a little walk. This will give the granny some time to wake up and get dressed in private and peace, and they can be waiting when you get back. If granny is doing all the cooking and hosting, she may not be able to cope if she usually gets up at 8 say. She may take medication and need the sleep for it to wear off or something. I don't think you should ride rough shod over their hospitality but also the kids should deffo confirm Santa's arrival on waking (just in case it's Santana there with a guitar!) and open a few bits! Maybe have some of those croissants or something too that you can eat without making loads of mess/ noise

R2G · 22/12/2013 11:10

Oh I meant video the kids to show grandparents/ sister later so everyone feels part of the magic of Christmas . I'm sure they would like to see it

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