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AIBU?

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Original poster

PIL and Christmas

156 replies

MrsGaryKielhofner · 21/12/2013 19:35

It's a Christmas and PIL one! Sorry!

Have two DC aged 7 and 5. This will be the first Christmas we have spent with PIL since DC1 was a small.

Today, MIL said that the plan is presents are to be opened just before lunch when SIL (child free) arrives. DH said he thought Santa's presents should be in the morning . MIL was unhappy and apparently expressed some concern about what time DC will get up. PIL are not early risers.

DH and I are planning on sticking to our guns and putting Santa's presents out when we go to bed. We will tell DC no earlier than 6.30 but then open presents.

So, is it unreasonable to do this or do others leave ALL presents to later in the day? Family presents will be done when SIL arrives.

Also, should we wait for PIL to get up if we do morning presents? If we do it will be after 7 and DC will be climbing the walls. (A pre 6am wake up isn't unusual on a normal day!)

OP posts:
TheRealAmandaClarke · 22/12/2013 04:37

(((sprinkle)))

TheBookofRuth · 22/12/2013 04:52

Ugh, I hate it when people impose adult Christmas "rules" on kids. It's should be all about the kids, and they should be allowed, for one day only, to get up at sparrows' fart, tear through their presents, eat chocolate for breakfast and spend the day in a state of over-excited, over-tired hyperactivity.

That's the true meaning of Christmas Grin

TheRealAmandaClarke · 22/12/2013 04:55

Oh good grief. This thread is cathartic!
A major Gripe of mine is adults' unrealistic expectations of children at social occasions; the long lunches with grown -ups expecting tinies to sit quietly while drivelling on and ordering yet -another -fucking Chardonnay.
Professing to like having them around but expecting them to be still and quiet, not understanding that they need to run and play as much as the adults need time to talk/ read/ rest.
Do they not see that it's a show of rudeness/ being socially unaware to not cater for small children. Not just to the DCs but to their parents?

Ok, I'll get off my soapbox, but I'm keeping it close by just in case.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 22/12/2013 04:58

Hallelujah thebookofruth Hallelujah! Xmas Wink

stripeyshoes · 22/12/2013 05:28

My inlaws are great, but there is a 15 year age difference between sil's son and our dc, so they had forgotten a lot about being around small children. Also, we have always lived on different continents, so traditions had to be comprised on. When it came down to it, I stood my ground on what was important to me (presents under the tree as wrapped not everything brought on xmas eve and placed under the tree then) and gave up my champagne, croissant and fresh fruit breakfast for a fry up and tea. This is our third Christmas in a row here.

In your case, I would probably let your dc open their stockings in bed and get up to open Santa presents at 7. 7 is not unreasonable on Christmas morning - even for non early risers. Let the gps know this is the plan and that they are welcome to join you if they like. I would also make this my last visit to them for another six years!
'
Although my inlaws get up early, this year we have moved again and now have 2 hour time difference. the dc and I have been awake since 3:30 for the past 2 days. I haven't yet discussed a wake up time for Christmas morning - but I cant see the dc staying in bed much past 5. Maybe I will let dh have this conversation with them!

Spychic · 22/12/2013 07:59

, no

friday16 · 22/12/2013 08:03

Problem for them. They were becoming increasingly unhappy that our Christmases were spent either at home or with my parents.

Then surely, the onus is on them to make the experience positive for you and your children?

Minnieistheglittermouse · 22/12/2013 08:09

I'd wake when kids do. Can't see an alternative there!
Then open stockings in bed. That'll take thirty mins.
Then go down and open others.

Others can choose to join. Naturally this means you put coffee on/tea first thing. If get croissants for early snack. (And I'd have Buck's Fizz too lol)

If mil doesn't like you in kitchen then she shouldn't have guests.

Simples!!

friday16 · 22/12/2013 08:31

A major Gripe of mine is adults' unrealistic expectations of children at social occasions; the long lunches with grown -ups expecting tinies to sit quietly while drivelling on and ordering yet -another -fucking Chardonnay.

The thing I find amusing about it is that it's so self-defeating. You can force small children to tolerate such events, but as soon as they're old enough to make other choices, they will. Whereas if you're flexible when they're small, they'll probably come to rather enjoy feeling grown-up. We suspended or compromised formal dining, both at home and out, for about ten years, and got our reward at the end. Like a lot of things, you're more likely to end up where you want to be with your teenagers if you're flexible with your small children. Think of it as an investment.

Spychic · 22/12/2013 08:35

Whoops - ds posted that! But while I'm here I'll just agree that yanbu!

HaveAFestiveLittleChristmas · 22/12/2013 08:43

I'd rush out and buy them trumpets so they can play quietly until the PIL are up

^
This.
Just this
And a drum
Xmas Grin

DamnBamboo · 22/12/2013 08:43

Utterly shocked by people saying 'they should be able to wait'.

It's Christmas FFS!

The most exciting day of the year for kids who are exposed to the build-up of it for weeks and weeks and weeks.

What kind of a cruel, control-freak would make them wait on Christmas morning?

CinnamonPorridge · 22/12/2013 08:48

MrsG
the only good thing is that dh and you agree it is a vvu of the pil.

We have different traditions, meal and presents on Christmas Eve. But if we had the whole Santa thing, I would find it impossible to make the dc wait awake and excited in bed until pil wake up.

It doesn't teach them anything but all their built up joy is dampened by rules and etiquette.
I cannot believe they would be so rude to let such littlies wait for their xmas presents and it leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

I've had a few Christmasses with bad experiences in my childhood, which resulted in never being anywhere else than at home as soon as I had my own children. We have the sort of Christmas I would have loved as a kid, relaxed, no arguments, overexcited and with lots of friends.

cjel · 22/12/2013 08:49

DAMNBAMBOO, If it is just something that happens waiting isn't a punishment. If they don't have to wait for anything how early do you start ? 2 oclock in the morning, christmas eve? 18th December?

As long as they have their stockings they will be happy enjoying other aspects of the day not just present opening. Its not cruel and can give more pleasure by allowing them to enjoy the santas gifts without the overload of the rest.

ProfYaffle · 22/12/2013 09:01

Oh, OP, we have exactly the same issues with my pil, even down to bringing snacks with us! We only ever had one year where we went on Xmas Eve and woke up there Xmas morning. It was such a spartan, miserable experience we never repeated it.

These days when it's pil turn at Xmas we have the morning in our own home, let the dc open presents and have a nice big cooked breakfast. Then we get over to pil early afternoon and submit to their plans on a full tummy with the excitement bubble burst. Much easier.

DamnBamboo · 22/12/2013 09:03

Well you wouldn't start on Christmas eve or any earlier would you because (in the UK) Santa hasn't been! what a ridiculous notion.

I would argue that the vast majority of kids probably aren't away at 2am given that it i quite literally in the dead of the night.

What do you mean 'if it's just something that happens, waiting isn't a punishment'

What does that even mean?

It's not a punishment because that' how it's always been done?! Really.

Sounds fab Hmm would love to be a kid at yours on xmas day.

Why wouldn't you just let them open the gift when they wanted, barring those of other adults who will be joining you later in the day.

And really, when you are 6 - christmas really is about the presents, don't kid yourself otherwise.

cjel · 22/12/2013 09:13

What I mean is the santa presents come from santa and are opened at stupid o clock - My 31 year old will wake at 2 and open hers and then goes back to sleep.

My home is a great place to be at christmas thank you. My 2 dcs their other halves and my 5 grandchildren all love coming here. They have spent weeks coming over to make mincemeat, pies, cakes, sweets etc. They all open stockings when they want and spend a couple of hours enjoying them, having lovely celebration breakfast, getting dressed up going to see loads of friends at church for 30 minutes, home for drinks and nibbles then the big present opening. Its great we laugh nearly all day and they have never been miserable about it. In fact one year some cousins turned up on new bikes about 8.30 and they all thought it was weird they were 'done' with their christmas already and bored!! we were still in the giggling about santas gifts and new clothes stage!!!!

cjel · 22/12/2013 09:17

Oh and just to let you know that we don't think christmas is all about the gifts, we think its more about the food and company if we're honest.
And no I'm not kidding myself. My 13 yr od gd wanted to come up after school the other day and when my dd said that she wanted to see her as well dgd said ' I want to go to nannies as shes awesome.

We have built a lot more into our family than shopping and presents.
Perhaps you should try it. As I say I laugh every day with my children and grandchildren!!

pictish · 22/12/2013 09:21

And really, when you are 6 - christmas really is about the presents, don't kid yourself otherwise.

Absolutely! For the kids, it's all about Santa and stockings and new toys. My kids get very little to nothing other than on Christmas or birthdays, so they go mad for the loot. Very exciting!
I wouldn't dream of turning it into an adult orientated experience!

"They can wait" - yeah, they can, but where's the fun in that? Boooooo!!

pumpkinsweetie · 22/12/2013 09:24

I agree pictish same hereGrin
Kids will be kids, christmas is all about the magic to them, making them wait until the golden oldies get up is not on

HaroldTheGoat · 22/12/2013 09:25

Why wait? What is the rationale for waiting? Just what?

pictish · 22/12/2013 09:25

Btw - we are keeping the under-the-tree gifts for the evening, after we are back from Christmas dinner at mil's.

But the Santa loot? No. That's for first thing!

pictish · 22/12/2013 09:30

I am astonished the mil even suggested that they be made to wait!
What's all that about? Why does she even think she gets a say?

pictish · 22/12/2013 09:32

Harold - I know!! The only rationale I can see, is to make sure they don't enjoy themselves as much as they could! Confused

friday16 · 22/12/2013 09:32

Why does she even think she gets a say?

Presumably a controlling 'my house, my Christmas'.

To which the obvious answer is 'your house, your Christmas, we won't be joining you'.

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