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AIBU?

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Original poster

PIL and Christmas

156 replies

MrsGaryKielhofner · 21/12/2013 19:35

It's a Christmas and PIL one! Sorry!

Have two DC aged 7 and 5. This will be the first Christmas we have spent with PIL since DC1 was a small.

Today, MIL said that the plan is presents are to be opened just before lunch when SIL (child free) arrives. DH said he thought Santa's presents should be in the morning . MIL was unhappy and apparently expressed some concern about what time DC will get up. PIL are not early risers.

DH and I are planning on sticking to our guns and putting Santa's presents out when we go to bed. We will tell DC no earlier than 6.30 but then open presents.

So, is it unreasonable to do this or do others leave ALL presents to later in the day? Family presents will be done when SIL arrives.

Also, should we wait for PIL to get up if we do morning presents? If we do it will be after 7 and DC will be climbing the walls. (A pre 6am wake up isn't unusual on a normal day!)

OP posts:
Gluezilla · 21/12/2013 20:26

Stockings first thing then a leisurely brunch followed by main presents.
I would hate my DC to get up and rip open parcels ...

TheRealAmandaClarke · 21/12/2013 20:26

But they will be exchanging gifts (and those 'other things') with family later esto
Christmas morning for most young children (and most importantly, for OP's dc) is focused on finding and opening the presents that FC has brought them.

Original poster
MrsGaryKielhofner · 21/12/2013 20:30

AmandaClarke... Yes, we will only open Santa's gifts first thing. All family presents including ours to DC will be done later.

The "big" gift is from Santa though, not from us. In total the DC will be opening a max of 10 presents each from Santa.

OP posts:
CSIJanner · 21/12/2013 20:31

YANBU

If your PIL is that concerned about losing out on seeing DC's open their Santa pressie and stockings by getting up, then your DC's can always jump on their bed excitedly to open presses while you get the morning coffees. Its a logical win win as the DC's want to see what Santa's brought, your PIL's dont want to leave their bed and lets face it, children on Christmas morning are never quiet sorhey wont be sleeping in. Just saying.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 21/12/2013 20:37

Having FC gifts in yours or dcs room might be the best idea.
Otherwise how do you explain all the other gifts if they are out already?

Plenty of time for smoked salmon, lengthy lunches and reading dickens when they're older.

tobiasfunke · 21/12/2013 20:38

Just say no. They are your kids and your presents (and Santa's obvs) Let your kids open their presents from you and Santa whenever they get up.
Christmas is for the kids as far as I'm concerned not for elderly arses who have forgotten what childhood is about.
We have PIL who try and dictate what happens at every occasion and not just in their own house. I can guarantee my FIL will start trying to get us to put DS (5) to bed at about 6pm and spend the next 2 hours tutting until it's actually bedtime. FIL also tries to stop Ds leaving the table and even will try and override us when we say he can go after he has finished his pudding. He gets short shrift.

DeWe · 21/12/2013 20:38

I think stockings are a parent/small family thing. Ours always, whoever we are with, come into our room to open them with us. We have a rule not before 8, and it's usually closer to 9. Ours are late sleepers, and love to rummage in the stocking for a bit before opening.

After lunch we have close family presents (from people that are there) and Boxing day, extended family and godparent presents. The dc have no problems waiting for that.
If we're away then they wait until they get back for our close family and anyone who isn't there. It's quite nice. At dh's house they used to open them all first thing. By 9am they were all facing the anticlimax of having opened everything. We don't have that.

Clutterbugsmum · 21/12/2013 20:40

Yes have Santa presents in your room and open with your children. Then the rest when MIL deems it is right.

And Never ever go for christmas again.

cjel · 21/12/2013 20:42

Stocking when they wake, breakfast, showers etc then church. Home, check oven get drinks and nibble out then open presents leisurely.

Worked for my parents 82 and 85, me (54), my dcs(31 and29) and now dgcs 13 -2 years old.

drspouse · 21/12/2013 20:42

If GPs presents are not "from Santa" then I think they should get to see them open those. Ditto present from SIL. But they can easily solve that one by keeping the present till they want to get up/SIL arrives.

Our family habit when small was to open stockings when our parents could keep us quiet no longer (but GPs didn't mind a bit of noise being elderly and early risers), one present after breakfast but before church (whatever we wanted - usually the biggest or most intriguing one). Only the stockings were from FC though. Everything else was after church or after lunch (depending on the time of lunch and which GPs). We didn't mind waiting for the first present till after breakfast as there was always a lot of chocolate to keep us quiet.

We have usually opened presents after church and before lunch as childless adults and did this last year with our nearly-1 DS. He's still oblivious this year so I expect we'll do the same now he's nearly-2. No stocking yet but next year.

Original poster
MrsGaryKielhofner · 21/12/2013 20:53

We would never open presents from someone if they weren't there so PILs presents will be done later in day with SIL. Quite rightly so. DC won't get the gifts from my parents until the Saturday so it will be spread out a bit.

I just don't think it is fair for DC to wait for all the presents as MIL wants.

Therefore we said Santa's presents (ie stocking and main present) should be done first thing. PIL still not keen as discussed. Therefore will suggest they are opened in our room rather than downstairs if PIL would prefer it.

OP posts:
drspouse · 21/12/2013 21:02

That sounds eminently reasonable, they will open lots of presents with the whole family there.

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 21/12/2013 21:05

Oh yet another thread where the son and his family are supposed to wait and suffer in some way, large or small for the daughter of the family?!

Godfathers.

Op do as you bloody well wish for your tiny Dc, dont let them wake pils up, but if they do , tough shit....dont wait for sil.

ChestnutsroastingintheFireligh · 21/12/2013 21:11

An I the only person who as a child was allowed to go downstairs whenever I woke and just open everything

We only introduced the stocking in our room for our kids to give me time to become human with a cup
Of tea & to get ds to eat something other than chocolate for breakfast (he is a poor eater).

friday16 · 21/12/2013 21:19

But the main lesson, OP, is that your in-laws are more interested in an "adult" Christmas than in your children, so next year, leave them and your sister in law to have the Christmas they want while you have the Christmas you want. That way everyone's happy. If your in-laws whine that they like having their grandchildren (from context, their only grandchildren) around for Christmas, they can be told that they had their chance and blew it.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 21/12/2013 21:31

It seems your dh is onside so that's good.
Are they usually nice ILs? Or will FC be bringing them a lump of coal for Christmas?

Andanotherthing123 · 21/12/2013 21:34

Tell your PIL that Santa doesn't go through all the bloody effort of flying presents and a team of reindeer all night to find out he could have had part of the next day to hit his delivery deadline. Like you, our kids get up early every day of the year so the thought of saying to them 'yes you're excited, yes, santa's brought you a present but no you can't open it until after lunch as 2 grown ups think you should wait seems just mean to me. Stick to your plans OP, YANBU. And I think Santa would agree.

Airwalk79 · 21/12/2013 21:40

Not a chance my kids would be made to wait on Christmas morning. Not for anyone. Maybe I might try to slow them down , play with something, have breakfast etc so as to give you time to let folk know your up. If sil wants to see them they would make the effort to get up early.

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 21/12/2013 21:42

Agree Friday 16.

Hugglepuff · 21/12/2013 21:56

Opening Christmas stockings is between you and your dc. Let them come into your room with stockings at 6.30 /7.00.

I still remember that lovely feeling of waking up on Christmas Day and feeling the weight of the full stocking - would not have been nearly as exciting if I had just had to look at it for the next couple of hours !
Exchange of family presents can go on later in the day - that's the bit to negotiate a time on :)

Original poster
MrsGaryKielhofner · 21/12/2013 21:57

They are nice enough but as a pp said very adult focused. We will have to bring snacks like fruit and bagels as they don't do snacking but have adult mealtimes. Eg Sunday lunch can be at 2pm but no food from breakfast until then. They don't have stuff in so we bring our own for DC and nip upstairs.

This is all OK normally but harder to cope with at Christmas. Having said that the lack of interest in the DC does make DH sad though. They have never once put them to bed. We went to stay for a few days (at their invitation) and they both went out ( to seperate weekly but easily missed activities) so we had a day out to a local attraction on our own.

OP posts:
ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 21/12/2013 21:58

I just could not let other people dictate to me when I let my own dc when and where to open presents.

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 21/12/2013 21:59

it is what it is Mrs, go this time, do not go again, if they come to yours, you must say, please bear in mind we do things our way here. like or lump.

friday16 · 21/12/2013 22:02

We will have to bring snacks like fruit and bagels as they don't do snacking but have adult mealtimes. Eg Sunday lunch can be at 2pm but no food from breakfast until then

Why are you taking your children there again? They want to life an adult life without children. That's fine. Your children will be a distraction from that. That's fine. Leave them to it. They can't have it both ways.

Whoever should compromise here, it's not your children. It's ludicrous to delay lunch until 2pm with a 5 year old. If they can't break their routine slightly to accommodate your children, don't visit.

Ladyglamalot · 21/12/2013 22:09

They sound a lot like my inlaws who love to witter on about how much they loved gc's but whose actions belie this. We decided to stay home last year-well I threw an almighty strop-after years of xmas where we had to rush around to get to inlaws and dcs were expected to sit in front of tv all day while adults got pissedHmm

Let your dcs get up at the crack of dawn,open all their presents and then send them into inlaws with the noisiest toy santa has got. Mwah ha ha!!

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