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Original poster

PIL and Christmas

156 replies

MrsGaryKielhofner · 21/12/2013 19:35

It's a Christmas and PIL one! Sorry!

Have two DC aged 7 and 5. This will be the first Christmas we have spent with PIL since DC1 was a small.

Today, MIL said that the plan is presents are to be opened just before lunch when SIL (child free) arrives. DH said he thought Santa's presents should be in the morning . MIL was unhappy and apparently expressed some concern about what time DC will get up. PIL are not early risers.

DH and I are planning on sticking to our guns and putting Santa's presents out when we go to bed. We will tell DC no earlier than 6.30 but then open presents.

So, is it unreasonable to do this or do others leave ALL presents to later in the day? Family presents will be done when SIL arrives.

Also, should we wait for PIL to get up if we do morning presents? If we do it will be after 7 and DC will be climbing the walls. (A pre 6am wake up isn't unusual on a normal day!)

OP posts:
VikingLady · 21/12/2013 22:11

Please add a recorder each to their stockings! You would be astonished at the high-pitched carrying screech produced at 6am on Christmas Day by a small child with a recorder!

Poundland has Peppa Pig ones. I bet your ILs would be really happy your children were happily occupied and out of the way at 6am....

cees · 21/12/2013 22:12

I'm with Elfon, my children open there presents when we say, no one else gets to dictate on this.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 21/12/2013 22:13

Fwiw ours are 3 and not yet 1
They're both up around 6 every day. Grin
All gifts From us are from FC and most of them will be in their sacks, in their rooms to be opened first thing.
Presents from family, and a couple from us will be under the tree and opened after church.

HaroldTheGoat · 21/12/2013 22:23

No no no to waiting for stocking.

Spinkle · 21/12/2013 22:23

My parents were like this. We had to go to church at 11am, pick up the oldies, get them in and settled and then, and only then could we do pressies.

We could not ask or badger. We. Had. To. Wait. To ensure we all had a grim time.

Mum would be full of resentment ("all my hard work" "ungrateful wretch") and hit the scotch and pick arguments.

Truly it wasn't Xmas until someone was crying. I'll need therapy to get over it.

My DS can get up at the crack of sparrows fart and rip open his pressies and eat quality street for breakfast as far as we are concerned. We stay in pyjamas all day! My mum has to come and does a cats bum mouth thing but it's OUR HOUSE and we'll do as we like.

Do your Xmas your way, set your own traditions and memories. Make them good ones

Katienana · 21/12/2013 22:24

I think if your kids are used to opening presents first thibg it isn't fair to make them wait. I also don't think 6 is crazily early to be up xmas day. We've always been up by 8, and that was when we were all in our 20s! In our house we do stockings in bed then go downstairs together and see that "he's been" and left a pile of pressies for each person. Tree presents were for grandparents, siblings, parents, extended family.
so excited for this year with ds and dnephew aged 1 and 2.5!
Your pil sound miserable btw.

pianodoodle · 21/12/2013 22:28

Can I ask why you're going?

I'm sure they're very nice but it sounds a bloody miserable Christmas Day for the kids!

Original poster
MrsGaryKielhofner · 21/12/2013 22:37

We are going because we haven't been in six years and it was becoming a problem. They are nice people and when it was just me and DH it was fine.

Strangely, they would be gutted if they thought we were dreading it whilst not understanding why. DH has tried saying that children need earlier meals but it hasn't really sunk in as nothing changes.

OP posts:
ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 21/12/2013 22:46

If they are nice but just cannot empathise, perhaps your DH or you need to chat to them nicely abut it up there, how you would love to go more often but the DC needs to be considered...

lilsupersparks · 21/12/2013 22:49

I am looking forward to my in laws this year but they run quite a formal household compared to ours!

We are doing stockings and one present at home for the first time this year (so excited) stockings in bed and then big present downstairs. They can play with that whilst we have bagels for breakfast and then we will head off.

I will give them a substantial snack of cheese and crackers or similar around 11am. I will not be sneaking upstairs to do so, I will give it to them in the kitchen (not the formal dining room which will be laid for lunch.) if little one is uninterested in lunch I will put him up for a nap and older one can go and watch one (or more) of the many DVDs he has been given. Meal times are a nightmare and I secretly hope they are both disappeared so I can enjoy an adult lunch! I will not entertain keeping them at the table making it a miserable experience for all!

Presents will be done whenever they need entertainment. Hopefully some will be saved for Boxing Day!

Go, but go with your own rules/agenda. Just say, sorry they need a snack/ds will watch his DVD now/off you go and play, we will call you for pudding/whatever. Ignore cats bum faces and enjoy!

nennypops · 21/12/2013 22:56

Of course the children must open Santa presents first thing! I can't imagine how PIL think they are ever going to be able to wait. Don't they remember what it was like to be a child at Christmas?

elismom · 21/12/2013 23:04

Why do you have to 'nip upstairs' to give your child a snack there?
I don't get it.
Sounds like quite an ordeal. They want the children there but they want an adults Christmas.
Good luck.

friday16 · 21/12/2013 23:07

We are going because we haven't been in six years and it was becoming a problem.

A problem for whom?

Original poster
MrsGaryKielhofner · 21/12/2013 23:16

Problem for them. They were becoming increasingly unhappy that our Christmases were spent either at home or with my parents.

We will be there 48 hours so if we avoid pissing them off at 6am on Xmas day the rest should be ok. We are used to managing the rest. If weather is ok we will go out for a bit which will help

OP posts:
HaroldTheGoat · 21/12/2013 23:16

OP I think you need to be more upfront with them, I wouldn't go upstairs to feed them for eg just make it and give it them in kitchen.

Plus no way keep them at the table for hours. MIL does a late long lunch but older nieces and nephews ran back and for the table. It's only one day, sod it.

She gave it a bit if cats bum then someone said it'd too long to expect them to sit and she didn't mention it again.

If they are nice I'm sure they won't mind these things.

2rebecca · 21/12/2013 23:20

We have always done early morning xmas openings with little ones, if you have small kids visit or visit someone with small kids then you're up early xmas morning. If they prefer to have a lie in you'd have been better staying at home.
Must admit that now my kids are older I prefer Christmas morning, and it means you can stay up later xmas eve, go to midnight mass etc, although this xmas I'm visiting my brother and small nephews so we'll all be up at about 7.
If they want a grown up xmas then they shouldn't have invited you.
I'd maybe save a few for when SIL arrives but think that children should come first on xmas day and the adults adapt to them.
We never had stockings upstairs, everything was delivered downstairs by father christmas and everyone went downstairs together to see if he'd been yet. If they awoke horrendously early when small they were either sent back to bed and told it's not morning yet or if just a bit early but too early to wake the rellies we entertained them with stories in our bed for a while.

TheMaw · 21/12/2013 23:23

Don't compromise, let them get up when they want! By best memories of Christmas are my siblings waking up so early and trying really hard not to get up - most years we lasted until 6 but no later. It was so brilliant and I hope my DC will be the same. Making them wait spoils the magic.

Galaxymum · 22/12/2013 00:16

OP - they are your children, and it's up to you to say when they can open their presents. I think quite honestly those people who make their children wait till lunch are downright mean.

My mum came from a middle class household where she had quite nice presents at Christmas, but even in her 70s she could remember how she felt on Christmas Day being made to wait to open her presents AFTER Christmas lunch.. She said she just felt sick with the excitement and in the end, it made her ill wanting her gift from Santa. That stuck with me - knowing a little girl could feel ill after all the anticipation.

Consequently we used to get up at 6.30 a.m.!!! I think our children are little, innocent, have this magical belief for such a short time, why not indulge them? They'll soon be teenagers and we'll be hauling them out of bed just in time for lunch!

BlackeyedShepherdswatchsheep · 22/12/2013 00:44

has anyone asked santa? if mil and sil can dictate when theirs are opened, surely santa can say when his are opened? after all, he does deliver them to be there first thing in the morning.

RodneyTheChristmasElf · 22/12/2013 00:47

When we used to go to my parents they would insist the children didn't get up and start opening presents until 8.00am and they meant it. But every year they'd be up around 5 having been wakened by the biggest kid of all, my Dad, who couldn't stick to his own rules. :o

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 22/12/2013 02:14

I wouldn't go to them for Xmas. Sounds like it will be awful!

Cerisier · 22/12/2013 03:30

If they haven't asked what snacks, cereals and drinks you would like in for the DC (MIL and DM always ask what everyone is into at the moment before we visit so they can stock up) then take a couple of carrier bags of things and put them in the cupboard/fridge.

As others say, just get on with feeding them snacks as and when required in the kitchen. Hiding away to eat is sending the wrong messages to the DC as eating when hungry is not something to be guilty about.

If the PIL make any comments just smile and say how small children's stomachs are and they need food little and often. Don't be deflected.

It all sounds so un-child friendly- expecting them to sit at the table is ridiculous, and making them wait for hours for their stockings is crazy. If DH won't say anything beforehand then do what keeps the DC happy on the day and ignore any remarks.

ben5 · 22/12/2013 03:43

both dc are not allowed to are room before 6am with stockings. we open them and then go into the back room where hopefully santa would of left something. we Skype both sets of parents so they can see kids open a present. we are in oz so an 8 hour time difference. they then get to sleep in the morning!!

Lavenderhoney · 22/12/2013 03:48

Stocking on waking- surely that's the point of putting a stocking in their room? And they open it/ rush in to you to open it?

Then we do breakfast and presents after, so toys can be played with/ put together with dc. They will just hang round moaning and crying otherwise surely? Unless you are off to church?

Then lunch- sil can watch them open her gifts?

My pil expect dc to sit at the table listening to them pontificate on about things. Dc are 6 and 4. Pil don't actually talk to them or include them in conversation! And its not in English, and even I find it deadly dull.

I let them get down, and there is tutting, and dh sides with them and says " they should sit until everyone has finished talking ( the meal is over) and I say " good luck with that, will you tell them and make them or shall I?"

And he mutters about bad manners and pil mentally update their " disappointing dil book of bad parenting"

After about an hour, dh tells me mil has offered to have the dc for a week ( to teach them proper manners) and we can go away:) I laugh and say " not on your Nellie"

mathanxiety · 22/12/2013 03:58

The only good thing here is that you and your DH are feeling the same about the dreadfulness that lies ahead.

Hopefully this will be the last Christmas you have to go.

I agree you should feed them in the kitchen, and I also agree they should wake at the usual time and open the Santa gifts and the stockings. It might even make the PILs think twice about whining at you for your company.