To think that just becuase your dh works away during the week this does NOT make you a lone parent?

[justmuddlingalongsomehow]

That's just it really.

Yes, you have TIME on your own with the kids but you have someone else to share the tough times with even if it is over the phone sometimes.
You have someone who can take over the challenges of childcare at some stage in the not too distant future that you don't have to pay or feel guilty about imposing on.
You have someone else who is looking out for you even if they are not there all the time.
You have someone else to plan a future with and share decisions with.
You have someone who you can share the money worries with.
You have someone who gives a shit if you have had a bad day.
You have SOMEONE.

I would rather be a lone parent at the moment, don't get me wrong. But IT IS NOT THE SAME PEOPLE so please stop trying to equate the two.

This has probably been done before.

Rant over!

because grrrr

Totally agree

There are certain circumstances where it's similar
If they're not there during the week, sleep all weekend
And are pretty useless emotionally

But yes, if physically they aren't there, usually they help emotionally

ppaka it's not even 'similar' not in the slightest!

Also totally agree.
YANBU

Not all partners that are there are supportive though. A glance in relationships shows that.

I would say it has its similarities...
Each persons circumstances are different.

The clue there daddy is that you used the phrase 'that are there'

So yes, they are there

A lone parent doesn't have that

It's different. There have been times when my DH has been travelling that I have felt utterly overwhelmed. Sometimes when you have a partner who's never there it is tougher, they bring hoe their washing and expect everything to be perfect when they arrie home and expect to be made a fuss of but I ttake the point about support and money worries

*I have been a lone parent.

It is not the same at all.

Even if the partner is working away they are providing financial help.

I have to provide EVERYTHING.
Financial, emotional, physical support and care for my child and my house.

I think comparisons are really unhelpful ... Competing about who has a shittier time.

It is awful regardless of if there is no partner, one who is absent or one who negates any responsibility for their children.

YABU

I agree, if you mean a lone parent who doesn't have another person to parent with whatsoever, such as no contact with a dad. I have a friend like this and she has no family in the country and no dad around for her child and she is truly alone in decision-making, that's incredibly hard.

If the lone parent is separated but the other parent has quite a bit of contact including a couple of overnights a week, as with another of my friends, they get more time on their own without their children than people I know whose husband works away all week and some weekends. In that instance, the lone parent has her parents full support and also financial support, so essentially the parents are the ones with whom decisions are planned and so on- they also holiday together twice a year. Not very different at all.

Depends on the circumstance of the lone parents.

It's not the same but each have their own challenges. And each particular situation will have it's own issues.

Eg a lone parent of one with an amicable relationship with their exP, support from close family in the local area, every other weekend without childcare and financial security may actually have more support than someone with four kids whose husband is working away because they are struggling financially and comes home expecting to have housework/laundry done for them while they rest.

It is awful being unsupported wrt bringing up children

I'm pretty bored of people competing over who has the shittiest time. Everyone has to go through challenges in their lives, suck it up.

Some lps have exes that provide well for their DC financially, emotionally and do a share of child care.
Some lps have no support.
Some folk are in abusive/crap relationships.

Xpost

I agree. However, some of the people whose partners work away in difficult places like the Forces, can empathise a little. They may not be able to contact them, they may have no support around them, not seeing their partner for weeks. Add that to possibly having an unsupportive partner in some cases, it gets closer.

FWIW the single mother I know with a lovely but non resident BF (not the father) with a supportive family, lovely friends and lots of services probably has a much easier time than people with shitty relationships and no support.

I am always horrified in Relationships at the amount of resident fathers who think that all child-related costs are the mothers'.

It's not a race to the bottom, we all have challenges.

Having been both,parenting alone and being the wife of a work awayer they are very similar as you don't have someone there to have your back on a daily basis. Yes Icould ring dh but as someone parenting alone I could ring my mum or my friends and they would be similarly supportive and empathetic as dh is now. Moneywise,well when I look at it now I would be €20 approx better off if I was on my own with four dc.

I had lots of offers of babysitting from my parents,sister,brother then and I still do now. I suppose it really depends on your support network,who you have around you.

I am neither. But I 2 friends :friend a is single parent, she receives regular child support, her ex takes their Ds to school each day, he stays with his dad every other weekend Fri-Mon. I would say she has support . My other friend has a DH, he works until 8pm earliest Mon-Fri, he never does a school run, he travels internationally for work for weeks at a time. I think she has less support TBH.

I have no doubt that it is hard if your partner is working away but it is not the same as being a lone parent.

I am a lone parent and I just have to smile sweetly when friends whinge about their husbands working late or being away. I know it is a pain for them but they won't get any real sympathy from me (especially when said Mummy does not go to work like I do).

Understand the sentiment but it is in turn a generalisation to assume DPs are always at the end of the phone, thinking of the men and women in front line military situations for example.

Well I guess it depends. My dh is effectively away in the week and is not exactly hands on at weekends. He is out 1 day per weekend.yet a single parent I know is child free normally every 2nd weekend. Another has a mum who takes the kids one evening per week and once a year for a week so she can go on holiday. In my eyes they get more of a break than I do.

I have a friend who complains she is a lone parent because her DH is away a lot on business. No - she isnt.

Also, Jingling is bringing up something - why would she be better off without her partner? Surely if our benefits system is giving out more if you are without a man that with some one then something is wrong....