To think that just becuase your dh works away during the week this does NOT make you a lone parent?

[justmuddlingalongsomehow]

That's just it really.

Yes, you have TIME on your own with the kids but you have someone else to share the tough times with even if it is over the phone sometimes.
You have someone who can take over the challenges of childcare at some stage in the not too distant future that you don't have to pay or feel guilty about imposing on.
You have someone else who is looking out for you even if they are not there all the time.
You have someone else to plan a future with and share decisions with.
You have someone who you can share the money worries with.
You have someone who gives a shit if you have had a bad day.
You have SOMEONE.

I would rather be a lone parent at the moment, don't get me wrong. But IT IS NOT THE SAME PEOPLE so please stop trying to equate the two.

This has probably been done before.

Rant over!

My Husband works away in the week, and its hard, but its not as hard as being a lone parent.

I know that he will be coming home, that I will be able to talk to him and have him here to support me. The children know it too.

Its hard when he is not here, especially as DS2 has SN, but it is not comparable.

luxury of sending a child off to the other parent - how about the luxury of dealing with a heartbroken child whose father refuses to see her? A child whose father doesn't even know her exam results because he is too busy with his new life. Luxury indeed. Plus dealing with the hatred and vitriol from the ex and his lovely OW - oh life as a single parent is pure bliss.

I have been thinking about this since I made a (kneejerk) comment earlier.

I have been alone for months on end whilst my husband was in another country with no comms, and no family around - what kept me going was the knowledge that there was an end in sight.

Emotionally alone for a few years, where my husband was physically and financially there, but I felt alone. What kept me going was having someone physically and financially there.

Separated for around 6 months, so physically and emotionally alone. What kept me going was that my estranged husband was emotionally, physically and financially there for the children.

Now back together as a family, I have emotional, physical and financial companionship, I feel blessed to be in this position as we have been through a lot as a family.

What I wanted to say was that although I was a lone parent in several different ways, I was never truly alone - that is why I think you cannot ever compare.

There are also several people I have known who would have been better off (in all ways) as a lone parent tbh, but you simply cannot make such black and white statements as to who is better/worse off.

I don't mean to sound patronising at all in what I've said, but I am in awe of how those that are truly alone keep ploughing on and just get on with it. (and to mumandboys - there might be some wankers out there that think and say those things, but I like to hope they are the smug minority xx).

You've put it perfectly right there.

mummaxmas could you be anymore....stupid? ignorant? insensitive?

Most single parents didn't have their children to have to wave them off with a painted smile on their faces into the arms of a man who once said he loved us but who now would happily walk on by if we lay dying in the street. Nor did we have children to send them off to another woman who will, however nice she may be, be critical of every single choice we might make for our children and who will, inadvertently (or indeed, on purpose) impose a different parenting style, set of values, and just a different way of doing things on our children. Can you even imagine how that begins to feel? I wonder if you have ever had to buy Xmas presents for a woman who slept with your husband? Or hear your children innocently say 'X says I can't have a Penguin in my packed lunch or I'll get fat like you' (when you're a size 12). Or pack a suitcase for a holiday of a lifetime that never in a million years could you afford to give them?

Personally, I would rather the 'luxury' of my children in my home all of the time, with a husband or partner with whom I am building a future even if that means we don't see each other as often as we might.

And as a word of warning: my ex was self employed. His self employment was a wonderful cover for his mistresses - he came home in the evenings but had the full day to be doing exactly what he wanted. Food for thought, eh?

Totally agree op, my dh works, but i don't think for one minute that although i'm on my own most of the time it in anyway equals being a single parent!

My dm was a single parent, she was responsible for us soley, financially, and for housework, cooking, if we were ill. She had no-one to turn to on a particularly bad day.

I have dh on the other end of the line or home weekends and afternoons should i need him for anything or have concerns.

Here's what I have found tough in the last year alone

Choosing a middle school
Helping ds plan his future... College....
Ds needs to be taught to shave
Physically getting dd to uni... 200 miles away
Coping with dd being gone
Deciding on orthodontist treatment for ds after complications
Nobody to share attendance awards etc with
Dd poor college attendance/ falling in with wrong crowd
Ex's father being ill so having to arrange and accommodate contact with my dc extended family

Ok this is MN and someone will come along and rip that list apart for me. Fine. But most people in relationships get some input from their partner, even if it's just a few non committal words. It's still someone to share it with who also has your child's best interests at heart

And as a word of warning: my ex was self employed. His self employment was a wonderful cover for his mistresses - he came home in the evenings but had the full day to be doing exactly what he wanted. Food for thought, eh?

What a bitter and unnecessarily spiteful thing to post.
To the poster who wrote that, no need to project your own situation onto others. Your DH was a scumbag...doesn't mean everyone else's is, does it?

And as a word of warning: my ex was self employed. His self employment was a wonderful cover for his mistresses - he came home in the evenings but had the full day to be doing exactly what he wanted. Food for thought, eh?

What a bitter old bag you are

RedLondonBus I certainly wouldn't pull your list apart, but when my parents split up my mum still had conversations with my dad about my future. About how I was. About appointments/education/friendships etc.
Obviously not everyone parts on good terms, but a huge amount of people still manage to put their DCs best interests ahead of their personal feelings towards each other and maintain some element of shared contact.
It's rarely so black and white.

ah yes, the 'bitter' comment....was wondering when that one would come out!!! The poster made a ridiculous comment which many single parents would have found particularly insulting. It is not a 'luxury' to send your children to your ex and I personally find that a 'bitter' and insulting and entirely unnecessary to be saying to single parents. But it's OK for her to say that and not me?! Yep! Bash the single parents for having experience and opinions. Why not. Lowest of the low scum who deserve everything they get. Sigh.

Crikey v bitter indeed!

But one person's experience of single parenthood isn't like another's either. I know one mother who is surrounded by an incredibly supportive family network and has far more support (financial, practical and emotional) than many others with a partner (she also has a supportive boyfriend). I know another who has no family support and also cares for a mother with dementia.

You are bitter though, are you not?

It is a silly thing to post, and smacks of lashing out.

I think even with those lone parents who seem to be coping reasonably well, or those who have support, they have still gone through the incredible pain of family break up or widowhood and seeing their dcs have to cope with that on a day to day basis. Which is significantly different from people whose partners work away etc.

Usually they are managing to cope after a significant struggle imo - something which appears to be easily overlooked

Thanks for the suggestion but I've got some free time to browse. Who's to say I'm not in that prediment or have been? No excuse to be nasty and bitter.

I agree that saying it's a "luxury" to send your children off to your ex is a very thoughtless comment about something that is often, underneath the smiles, a very difficult thing to cope with.

Of course someone will be bitter if their ex fucks off and leaves them in the shit! I don't blame them at all.

I've done both. The H working long hours/being away and golfing at the weekend and being a lone parent. They are not even remotely similar.