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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think some people spend a ridiculous amount on their partner at Christmas (or am I just stingy?)

140 replies

BelleHelene · 18/12/2013 09:23

I know it's not really my business, but I can't believe how much some of my friends spend on their partner's presents. DP and I usually spend about Â£100 in total on each other, which I think is quite a decent amount. We both earn decent wages by the way.
I have many friends that think nothing of buying iPads, xboxs etc and I know they're not rolling in it. Why do people do this? What's the point?

OP posts:

cory · 18/12/2013 12:14

Isn't it often a question of what you call a certain purchase, whether you wrap it and call it a Christmas present or just buy it?

When dh turned 50 I "gave" him a trip to Spain. In other words, I wrapped up our family holiday and called it his present. He did the same for my 50th. It doesn't matter that it comes out of our joint account: so does anything else we could buy for one another or choose to buy for ourselves.

Dd got a 3 year railcard for Christmas. Obviously in our interests to pay for a railcard anyway as she will be going off to HE the year after next. But it looks more festive wrapped up.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 18/12/2013 12:18

I spend what I can afford so if that's £100 so be it. What I don't understand are people who moan about spending £100 on their partners but can't afford it. Why spend moby you don't have?

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 18/12/2013 12:19

*money!

LauraTrashley · 18/12/2013 12:30

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Elouie · 18/12/2013 12:41

I was going to spend about £130 on DP but he insisted I pay off my store card, so he got £30 spent on him instead and I feel much better for it :D

I would spend the earth on him if I could though, if I could afford it.

Last year he bought me an ipad, but I insisted it was for my birthday too and it was also a thankyou for saving him money by doing stuff for his business.

We spoil each other in all sorts of ways but I really would spend a lot if I didn't have to budget.... next year......

Hulababy · 18/12/2013 12:56

We buy things for each other we know the other would like. I guess we could just buy ourselves the items instead randomly instead but it's nice to think the other person has thought about it.

I am pretty sure dh has spent a lot if me this year on me - a new zoom lens I suspect as I've been hankering after one as my old one broke. The ones we looked at were £800+ In the past I have received a fancy dslr, iPad, phone, jewellery, handbag, etc.

Likewise I've got dh an expensive pen he's been hankering after. Not quite as much money wise but he got a very expensive watch for his birthday.

We can afford them, doesn't stop is doing other stuff, don't go into debt for ..... each to our own.

MaidOfStars · 18/12/2013 13:01

It's all relative.

Person A: £30 disposable income for the month, £25 gift for partner.
Person B: £3000 disposable income for the month, £500 gift for partner.

Who has spent "more"? Who has sacrificed the most in order to give a present?

KhunZhoop · 18/12/2013 13:18

Who has spent "more"?

An accountant writes: the person who has spent "more" is actually the one who has spent £500. But they've spent a much smaller proportion, which is what I think you meant.

MaidOfStars · 18/12/2013 13:36

Yadda yada

MaidOfStars · 18/12/2013 13:37

T'is why 'more' was in quotation marks...

Rufustherednosedreindeer · 18/12/2013 14:16

My DH and I don't do christmas presents at the moment, we haven't for a few years

It's not because we don't love each other or don't have any money it's just at the moment the children take up all our attention on Christmas morning (we would have time/space in the pm but that's not the way we want to do it)

When the children are older, or not coming downstairs until later, we will go back to presents. May spend £100, or try and do fun little things for £25 or go over the top and spend a fortune

If I want something I buy it, I bought a cute little bag, a necklace and some candles yesterday. I could have suggested them to him and got him to buy them but I want them now!!!! Now I tell you!!!!!

I will have to control myself in future years!!!

dimdommilpot · 18/12/2013 14:18

We dont spend anything on each other. We just but what we need when we need it.

craftynclothy · 18/12/2013 14:24

Scottishmummy I'm a SAHM (well I'm studying to retrain but ykwim). We have a joint account that bills/savings go out of and the rest of Dh's income is equally split between us into our respective current accounts. By me being at home we don't have childcare to pay for and it enables Dh to be flexible in his working hours. I spend/save from my own current account/savings as I see fit.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 18/12/2013 14:29

We have spent a lot this year, which is unusual for us.

We've had a tough year both individually and in terms of our relationship, and are coming out the other end of it smiling and with a stronger marriage.
So we are treating each other, we can afford it so why not?

NatashaBee · 18/12/2013 14:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

happygirl87 · 18/12/2013 15:33

I have spent lots on DP this year, have made real economies to do it. "The point" is that there is a large item he really wants but would think was too expensive to buy for himself, and he has been amazing this year when I have been unemployed with MH issues, and I'd like to treat him.

glasgowsteven · 18/12/2013 15:49

I spend £1000 on my partner and she spends the same on me.

Because we never know what to buy we just exchange the cash...

becuase we are both not long graduated uni, we use the money to pay off debt.......

MTBMummy · 18/12/2013 15:57

I've blown our normal budget this year by purchasing something that is 10 times more expensive than I would normally buy

But it's a special treat as we've recently moved house and I know he would never spend the money on himself

fuckwittery · 18/12/2013 16:04

This reply has been deleted

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fuckwittery · 18/12/2013 16:05

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NuggetofPurestGreen · 18/12/2013 16:05

See glasgow that's the kind of thing that makes NO sense to me. Why exchange the cash?! Why not just pay off the debt with your own £1000 and agree not to get presents?

fuckwittery · 18/12/2013 16:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NuggetofPurestGreen · 18/12/2013 16:08

I'm with Sheldon on this (as usual):

The entire institution of gift giving make no sense. Let's say that I go out, and I spend 50 dollars on you, it's a laborious activity, because I have to imagine what you need, where as you know what you need. Now I could simplify things, just give you the 50 dollars directly, and you could give me 50 dollars on my birthday, and so on, until one of us dies, leaving the other one old and 50 dollars richer. And I ask, is it worth it?

RichPetunia · 18/12/2013 16:11

We have agreed to spend £25 on each other. My £25 has bought - The Little Paris Kitchen (off Amazon), two other fiction books (also off Amazon) and three lots of chocolate. Not bad - can't wait to see what I get!

dobedobedo · 18/12/2013 16:11

We spend NOTHING on each other at Christmas or birthdays! We share our money, what's the point?

What we do is after Christmas (or halfway between our birthdays which are a month apart) we treat ourselves.

This christmas it's either a big shopping trip for nice new stuff for the house in January (what I'd prefer) or a spa break (dh's preference).

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