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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think some people spend a ridiculous amount on their partner at Christmas (or am I just stingy?)

140 replies

BelleHelene · 18/12/2013 09:23

I know it's not really my business, but I can't believe how much some of my friends spend on their partner's presents. DP and I usually spend about Â£100 in total on each other, which I think is quite a decent amount. We both earn decent wages by the way.
I have many friends that think nothing of buying iPads, xboxs etc and I know they're not rolling in it. Why do people do this? What's the point?

OP posts:

CeliaLytton · 18/12/2013 10:44

It's the money you enable him to earn that you both spend.

But nice try scottishmummy

TheGonnagle · 18/12/2013 10:44

We have had a really tight four years after getting pregnant, dh being made redundant and starting up a new business simultaneously. We took on a lot of debt, I went on mat leave and we lived hand to mouth not knowing whether we'd keep the house through the recession. No Christmas presents to each other at all.
Fast forward four years, the debt is paid down, the business is thriving and we've spoilt each other rotten. I think we deserve it!

FruitSaladIsNotPudding · 18/12/2013 10:45

If we had more money we would spend ££££££ on each other. It's fun. As it is, we spend about £50.

WinterWinds · 18/12/2013 10:49

Winterwinds you should see it as your money even though he's giving you it. You're entitled to it for the wonderful job you do as a mother. don't look upon it as spending his money on himself once in your account it's yours!

I think I worded that wrong, I meant the money in the joint account was joint money. I do treat my account as "mine" as dh also has a seperate account, from the joint account.

But Thankyou for your kind words, you have made me go all 'Warm and Fuzzy!'

moominleigh94 · 18/12/2013 10:49

I don't know if he's got me anything this year, some chocs and maybe one of the dirt cheap Pandora charms off amazon would be nice but not overly fussed if not, I'm giving him an IOU for a baby (he'll have it in 4 months time) and a Dad's Survival Guide book.

scottishmummy · 18/12/2013 10:50

No try?just wondered how it goes.we dont have joint accounts

moominleigh94 · 18/12/2013 10:51

Obviously if we had more cash we'd spend more on each other but we're skint students expecting a baby so definitely no splurging here this year

mensachampion · 18/12/2013 10:53

It does seem quite odd to me, especially since usually the money used to buy presents essentially belongs to both giver and receiver anyway. Then again I don't buy into the whole materialism aspect of Christmas, if there's something I want at any time of the year I'll either buy it or save up for it and buy it when I can afford it; I don't want somebody to buy me a load of crap I don't really want at xmas just for the sake of 'spoiling' me.

AbiRoad · 18/12/2013 11:02

DH and I use christmas and birthdays as an excuse to get something the other person has really wanted (or we have jointly really wanted) - it is more a prompt to get off our backsides and actually sort it. The cost of this could greatly vary. Eg this year I am buying DH an outdoor table tennis table as we have played a lot on holiday the last couple of years and he really enjoys it. I have asked for a heated blanket! Clearly the rest of us will use the tt table too, and we might well have bought one next spring for the family as a whole, so it is more an excuse to buy something we want anyway. One year I got a bike becuase I had talked about gettign one for travelling to work. Probably would have got round to buying it myself the following spring, but it was nice to get it as a present. This means we dont think too much about actual spend (as it is things we would probably have bought at some stage) and we could spend vastly different amoutns on each other in a given year. If there is nothing specific we have had our eye on (there usually is), we tend to get a collection of things like clothes, books, jewellery and DVDs and would probably stick to more of a budget in these circs.

SpookedMackerel · 18/12/2013 11:06

I usually buy 2 or 3 gifts for DH - one from me, one or two from the two DC.
I try to choose useful/practical things he would like, but wouldn't buy forhimself. We only have joint finances, so he could see how much they cost if he wanted to. I have spent about 2/3 of what I spent on each child's present on dh's, but I didn't particularly set out to do so, or have a set budget. Dh will probably also buy me one present from him and one from each DC.

ashamedoverthinker · 18/12/2013 11:12

We are not bothering at all this year as we feel we would be just buying for the sake of it.

In the past we have agred an amount.

But we do have splurges during the year as and when we have the money - we just dont feel beholden to christmas to indulge ourselves. Its nice to focus on the kids.

MojaveWanderer · 18/12/2013 11:18

To me £100 isn't a lot though. I spent well over double that on each of my kids. I have bought them a handheld console and games each and my husband a watch. I don't think I've spoilt them though. I saved up all year and didn't get myself into debt.

TheDoctrineOfSanta · 18/12/2013 11:28

"It is more if a prompt to get off out backsides and sort it."

this!

movemberrain · 18/12/2013 11:29

I've spent about £100 on DH this year, but on a few separate things which are fairly useful and which he pretty much needs anyway (clothes, toiletries but nicer versions than normal). Almost everything is from sales or discount websites though, it's probably about £200+ worth of 'stuff'.

I think if people are going to get an ipad or xbox anyway then Christmas is a good time to get it, I think it is probably that they were going to get one and thought it's nice to wait for Christmas so it'll be wrapped up and more of an occasion. So in that sense it doesn't seem too extravagant.

Topaz25 · 18/12/2013 11:33

I think it's up to the individual how much they want to and can afford to spend on their partner. My budget for DH this year is about £50. We share finances and he has been working so hard recently, doing lots of overtime not just so we can have a nice Christmas but also so we can have a better future in the New Year, pay off debt etc. I don't think he would want me to spend a lot on a present for him because he is looking at the bigger picture. I don't want him to spend a lot on me either.

This year I've focused on gifts for him that are more meaningful than pricey, a calendar customised with photos of us and meaningful dates such as our birthdays and anniversaries, a DVD we can watch together, a hand painted sweetie jar and bauble (if he likes the bauble I'm going to make it a little tradition to get him one every year.)

annielouisa · 18/12/2013 11:39

I have spent about £100 on my DH and he has got me a Kindle Fire HD (16GB). I spend the majority of money on our DGC all 10 of them and save up for that. We give our 6 adult children money and stocking fillers.

Christmas is family time for us so we will enjoy playing games, eating too much and taking silly photos. We are a blended family and we like to make Christmas special because of the suffering our EXp put our DC through.

ChablisChic · 18/12/2013 11:41

My DH gets really excited at Christmas - before he met me, Christmases were a bit grim (various reasons, not relevant here), so I love to get him lots of presents to open and do a stocking. This year we are financially OK so I haven't really kept track of what I've spent - £200 I should imagine - but other years it's been a lot less.

Surely it's down to individual circumstances: how much you can afford, whether the OH wants or needs anything in particular, whether you spend a lot on each other during the year.

As long as you give what you give with love and not because all your mates are giving their OH's loads of stuff, and you can afford it, it's no-one else's business.

NuggetofPurestGreen · 18/12/2013 11:41

I'm with mijas and mensa, don't see the point in buying each other gifts for the same amount of money and/or from what's essentially joint money. Just buy what you want for yourselves when you want it.

I suspect a lot of it's to do with being able to say to other people 'here's what I got for Christmas'.

liquidstate · 18/12/2013 11:43

£25 max. We have always done that, its fun trying to hunt down bargains. This year he has a cycle helmet, hankies and chocolates. I (think?) I have sanctuary bath stuff as I dropped hints when it was on offer a few weeks ago.

If I wanted an Ipad I would buy one myself. Will not buy one for him in case I get a hideous scarf in return

NuggetofPurestGreen · 18/12/2013 11:46

Disclaimer: I think things like personalised calendars etc that someone mentioned upthread are a bit different, no one would really get that for themselves. I mean more specifically things iPads that you could just buy for yourself. Also I have friends that just tell their partner 'get me this specific handbag' or whatever. Really don't see the point of that.

annielouisa · 18/12/2013 11:47

One of the reasons we buy each other nice things at Christmas and birthdays is that we were both single parents at one stage and still fight the urge never to spend any money on ourselves.

I enjoy giving my DH nice presents that he wants but would never have purchased himself.

dashoflime · 18/12/2013 12:03

Its a bit of a weird one- buying for a partner isn't it?

If you have shared finances they're sort of half buying it for themselves anyway.

We've had some years where we've bought each other a joint present of something expensive we both want but wouldn't normally buy- like a tropical aquarium.

Otherwise I think there's two approaches:

Either something they would want but would normally feel inhibited about buying- either cos its expensive (iphone etc) or significantly more fancy than the everyday version (posh stationary)

Or something cheaper that they will really love but wouldn't have thought of by themselves (The black run of present buying- you have to really know them!)

This year I have spent £50 and DH is getting:

Gators and walking socks (significantly posher than the everyday- he usually just gets wet feet!)
2 Books he will enjoy (will love- buy wouldn't have thought of)

If I've got it right with the books, I'll be really proud of myself. Books are the best category 2 present in my opinion. The right choice can be sharing something personal- almost like a conversation.

SpookedMackerel · 18/12/2013 12:03

For me, one big reason for not just "buying what we want, when we want it" out of joint money (and I do have other reasons too) is because of the DC. I want them to grow up seeing Christmas is about giving, I want them to choose presents to give to each other, to their dad, to their mum. I want them to see their parents exchanging gifts, chosen with thought and love. So what if it all comes out of the same funds?

flipchart · 18/12/2013 12:07

DH gets me a mixture of things/ favourite bubble bath, a piece of jewelery, some sweets every year but then he gets me a big gift that I didn't think to buy myself. Last year it was an iPad, the year before it was a garmin bike computer/gps, the year before that it was a snowboard and kit and so on.

I'm happy enough with that !!

ColaConkie · 18/12/2013 12:07

I have spent over £100 but we can afford it and we like it. I don't see how it bothers people. We have a joint account and separate accounts and we spend out the separate accounts so we don't use family money

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