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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think some people spend a ridiculous amount on their partner at Christmas (or am I just stingy?)

140 replies

BelleHelene · 18/12/2013 09:23

I know it's not really my business, but I can't believe how much some of my friends spend on their partner's presents. DP and I usually spend about £100 in total on each other, which I think is quite a decent amount. We both earn decent wages by the way.
I have many friends that think nothing of buying iPads, xboxs etc and I know they're not rolling in it. Why do people do this? What's the point?

OP posts:
Binkyridesagain · 18/12/2013 10:22

Scottish I have my own account, which has my money in it (carers allowance and CB) which I use for his present.

scottishmummy · 18/12/2013 10:22

We tell each other what we want,it not a ohh ahh surprise

AttackOfTheKillerMonsterSnowGo · 18/12/2013 10:22

Yes I do Scottish, though I do earn a little, he earns a lot more. But for us it's not his money it's ours. I work less and take on more childcare to give him the freedom to work more. My career is way more flexible in terms of getting to a certain stage at a certain age iyswim, his isn't.

We spend about £30 on one another, but we just get what we want or need throughout the year. TBH I struggle to 'find' things I want for Christmas anyway. All the stuff I covert is way over the 1k mark. ;)

KhunZhoop · 18/12/2013 10:23

I earn more than my partner, so I've spent more on him. It's absolutely none of anyone's fucking business what that amount is, however.

CeliaLytton · 18/12/2013 10:23

If you are both working and mortgage free floppy then why would you not spend the money in this way? It sounds like a lovely way to have your DM with you.

Lots of people buy themselves/their partner stuff throughout the year and then have a competitive thrift Christmas which makes the whole thing a bit pointless.

Spend what you want to, up to what you can afford. But rather than comparing what your gifts cost, weigh up the value to the recipient.

AttackOfTheKillerMonsterSnowGo · 18/12/2013 10:23

Oh, we do have separate accounts as well as a joint, so he doesn't see what I'm spending on him. :)

yourusername123456789 · 18/12/2013 10:24

floppyfanjo, personally I wouldn't have a clue how much it cost to do to a ring what you have said, maybe others do, but if you had shown me your wring and said 'I got my mum's ring remodelled for my Christmas so now I can wear it every day, which is what I've always wanted' you would be met with an AWWWWWWWWW from me, and I don't have much money.

I think it's a lovely thing and I can imagine even someone with limited funds saving for something like that.

Junebugjr · 18/12/2013 10:26

We only spend £30 or so on each other. If I want or need something I buy it at the time. If I was to spend a lot of money, I'd rather I picked something out instead of DH. Christ knows what i'd end up with if he had £600 Grin. Tbf DH gives me things like electric blankets, and pots and pans, so can not be trusted.

wordfactory · 18/12/2013 10:26

DH tries to get me to hint at what I might want, but I steadfastly refuse to help him out Grin.

I almsot enjoy discovering his choices as much as the gifts themselves. Mostly great. Occasionally a bit Confused...

TheDoctrineOfSanta · 18/12/2013 10:26

If people are giving iPads and xboxes for Christmas, I'd assume, largely, if it wasn't Xmas they'd buy one anyway - it's just a trigger.

Original poster
BelleHelene · 18/12/2013 10:28

Hmm I think I was being a bit unreasonable... I guess where I was coming from concern for some friends who I know are struggling a bit for cash, but have spent s huge amount on presents. It just seems to me to be an unnecessary burden for them. But yes, that's up to them!

OP posts:
HavantGuard · 18/12/2013 10:28

It depends on you income but also on how you define your spending.

If I buy myself new perfume when I feel like it over the course of the year and DH buys a new sweater when he feels like it etc then are we spending less per annum than the people who give these to each other at Christmas? No. But it would look like it if you only viewed our 'Christmas' spending. Do you count the new dress I bought to wear on Christmas Day? Some people would have that as a 'present'. Do you count the boxes of favourite chocolates that I've put on the food shop and won't be wrapped?

Heathcliff27 · 18/12/2013 10:29

Each to their own.

We do spend quite a bit on each other on birthdays, xmas. We are both working, dont smoke and rarely have nights out so we can afford to. We probably are the ones guilty of waiting and buying the big things at xmas.

CeliaLytton · 18/12/2013 10:31

OP, that is not in the Christmas spirit at all...

OP: AIBU?
All: Yes
OP: ok

Result: A lot of het up mumsnetters wanting to vent their opinions faced with a perfectly reasonable OP. Ruined!

Heathcliff27 · 18/12/2013 10:32

I don't give a second thought to what my friends are buying each other or what their financial circumstances are.

Namechangersanon · 18/12/2013 10:34

This year dh is getting an iPad, he knows he's getting it...and would have bought it himself had I not insisted that I buy it - he wants nothing and needs nothing and anything he does need he just buys, we find the whole gift giving thing a bit of a nonsense - dh & I have the same bank account but we take part in it for the sake of the dcs, often we impose a £10 limit on the gifts to each other - that can be an interesting challenge.
I have never felt my worth to dh was somehow equated to the cost of a present, so whatever he has spent on the present is no big deal.

WinterWinds · 18/12/2013 10:35

Well I am a SAHM. I have my own account that DH pays money into. I can spend it on what I like but usually covers petrol, shopping, kids clothing, school trips, vets bills etc. So I use this, I don't take money from the joint account unless my account is empty.

So in effect he is paying for his own present as I don't bring any income into the house but when it was decided I would be a SAHM he was more than happy to support us all and money has always been joint money
.
If wasn't a SAHM he wouldn't be in the position he is in now and wouldn't have been able to earn what he does.

It suits us both!!

silkknickers · 18/12/2013 10:35

I've spent LOADS on my DP this year (£250ish). But it's a newish relationship and with a bit of luck I'll have a lot more years to do the socks and chocs small gifts for him

justanuthermanicmumsday · 18/12/2013 10:37

I don't do Xmas but I have my own traditions that I observe. we've never bought each other for that specific day it's when the money is available. Husband earns I'm raising the kids so I have to save for months if I want something expensive for him. I've managed a watch which was £300. I didn't feel bad because I saved and my kids weren't in need of anything. Usually everything goes on them.

He's bought me 2 different iPads I nevrr asked or hinted he wanted to spoil me since I nevrr ask for anything. I did feel bad about it I guess I thght it could have been spent on the kids. But wat parent doesn't think that way?

husband biggest buy were emerald diamond earrings I love green thats the most amazing gift I've ever had. It's something I can pass on to my daughter.

Same as other posters we don't spend for every celebration going I.e valentines Mother's Day birthdays anniversaries etc. so I don't think it's ludicrous .

SilverApples · 18/12/2013 10:37

We spend about £20-30 on each other. That's been the same for years, so the actual value of the gift is going down over the decades.
And it's always something that the other one really likes, however odd. Xmas Grin

DoingItForMyself · 18/12/2013 10:38

Scottishmummy, it's not 'his' money in the joint account, it's joint money earned by having free childcare and domestic services at home.

But that is one reason why many people don't just treat themselves to something when they want it.

One year my ex bought himself a Kindle from our joint account in early December. I mentioned that I'd really like a good camera and there was a half price deal in Argos. He suggested I put it on my Xmas list.

A big discussion ensued about why he felt that he could just buy himself something and yet I couldn't. In the end I bought it for myself and wrote myself a card saying how I worked hard and deserved something lovely. It was a really weird feeling to 'treat' myself like that, but very empowering.

Couples can have strange power dynamics about money, especially when one is earning significantly less. If Xmas redressed the balance a bit then great.

scottishmummy · 18/12/2013 10:40

Ok,it's the money he earns that you both spend

justanuthermanicmumsday · 18/12/2013 10:41

Winterwinds you should see it as your money even though he's giving you it. You're entitled to it for the wonderful job you do as a mother. don't look upon it as spending his money on himself once in your account it's yours!

my husband does the same he puts money in an account that is for me to spend as I wish. I think it's fair since if I went our he'd need babysitter, cook, carer for his mum, cleaner. He's lucky he's got me

justanuthermanicmumsday · 18/12/2013 10:42

Out* (work outside)

DoingItForMyself · 18/12/2013 10:43

Fwiw I generally spend £50-80 on lots of smaller things for DP and he spends several hundred on me (iPad, posh coffee machine, perfume etc) but he earns a lot more and has less spare time to make things/ research other ideas. This year he wants a new play station, he would have bought it anyway, he has ordered it but I will wrap it up and give it to him as an extra prezzy as he is a big kid and likes unwrapping stuff

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