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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have reported this RI shop assistant?

308 replies

Vikki88 · 17/12/2013 12:09

I went into my local River Island store today, knowing what I wanted to buy having seen the items online but wanting to try them on before buying. I had the usual “Do you need a hand with anything?” from the shop assistant but I told her I didn’t need any help and she went away.

After seeing me picking up what I wanted, she came back over & asked if I was ok – to which I obviously said yes, she’d only spoken to me 2 minutes ago. Not paying attention to my answer, she then ‘helpfully’ started pointing out other items which she thought were nice before adding that they’d suit me & possibly “even more” than what I had in my hands – all in that annoyingly false happy/enthusiastic voice. Now I can only say that the clothes she was trying to push me towards were frumpy, boring & not at all me. I bit my lip but to me her underlying thoughts were that I didn't have the figure to wear the clothes that I wanted to buy and should wear clothes which covered more… something which really is nothing to do with her.

Already feeling insulted, I ignored her & went to try on my clothes but not before she ‘helpfully’ added she could help me out if I needed any other sizes – we all know what she was insinuating with that. Anyway, I tried on my outfit & as it turns out I did need bigger sizes and I was perfectly willing to go and sort this myself without any fuss. However, as soon as I leave the changing room I see her and she asks, and I quote, “Were they alright for you? Do you need anything bigger?” and with that I’d had enough. I don’t come into shops for snarky comments or to be judged by staff. I said “no” and walked off… I felt too embarrassed to go & actually get the bigger sizes and to give this cow the satisfaction of being right. I did see her supervisor/manager as I was leaving & went over & reported her and she apologised on her behalf – I never report anyone but I thought she deserved it.

The shop assistant was a young girl but that doesn’t give her the right to be blatantly rude to customers. I’m very aware I’ve been putting on weight recently and don’t need people like her making me feel insecure about it. I wonder how many other customers this girl has offended with her lack of tact?

OP posts:
Original poster
Vikki88 · 17/12/2013 15:01

This thread was about the shop assistant, not my weight. Yes, I've already been up front that I'm currently insecure about my weight & not happy with my body right now - that's not unusual & doesn't mean I cry myself to sleep about it or anything like that. I have been big in the past, managed to lose & get down to a size I was very happy with but now I've allowed myself to put the weight back on for various reasons. I am obviously unhappy with that, I'm human, but I didn't go into the shop on the defensive - it was the in your face, abrupt and unnecessary attitude from the shop assistant which got me feeling that way.

If she had just respected my wishes and let me do my own shopping then everybody would've been happier and there would've been no need for anything else to happen. You can't be as tactless as she was in her role. I don't want her to be in any major trouble but I think she did need to be spoken to.

Now, I honestly wish I had just bought the clothes online.

OP posts:
Mishmashofstyles · 17/12/2013 15:02

Yabu.

BuggedByJake · 17/12/2013 15:06

You sound very insecure about your size and your style. I feel sorry for the shop assistant if that's what you consider bad customer service.

JassyRadlett · 17/12/2013 15:09

But you can't control what happened after you complained. You don't know what script she is working to or the pressure she is under. She doesn't sound, from any of your descriptions, like she was being particularly rude.

I've see other 'customer service complaint' threads where complaining was justified. In this case you've blown it all out of proportion.

From your OP I thought it might be a reverse as I didn't think anyone could be so blind to the fact that their reaction had a lot to do with their own issues, and less with the behaviour of the sales assistant.

freckledleopard · 17/12/2013 15:10

After 150+ messages stating that you were unreasonable, if I were you OP, I'd go back to the shop and apologise for reporting the assistant. Not continue to argue that you were in the right.

sparkle101 · 17/12/2013 15:12

I honestly wish I had just bought the clothes online.

I think the assistant wishes that as well.

morefalafel · 17/12/2013 15:17

If I was as unhappy as you say you were, I may have complained about the store policy of approaching customers. I might then have asked if staff were instructed to upsell/offer to get other sizes etc, and if I was unhappy with the answers, complained about that. But not this one woman who has merely following those instructions.

I feel very sorry for the SA actually.

ProfondoRosso · 17/12/2013 15:20

Agreeing with HoHoHopasholic now. I'm sure the OP can see she was BU. No need to prod her about her insecurities and weight. That's just mean.

Armadale · 17/12/2013 15:20

I am a bit confused now, OP did you post something in a different username you might want to report? Feel free to report this message for deletion as well if you did!

AnAdventureInCakeAndWine · 17/12/2013 15:20

If she had "just respected your wishes and let you do your own shopping" she would have been marked down for not doing the constant upselling that is required of her in her role. Do you really still not grasp that, or do you just not care? harriet247 and Armadale have described very carefully the precise requirements that a retail assistant in her position has to meet with every customer. You didn't complain about the store's policies, you complained very specifically about one individual. And you seem to have been determined to complain largely because of what you imagined was going on in her head, whereas what was almost certainly actually going on in her head was "Oh no, now she's coming out of the changing rooms without buying anything I'm going to have to ask again if she wants me to bring her different sizes..."

LadyBeagleEyes · 17/12/2013 15:21

If you'd gone on line you'd have bought the wrong size and have the hassle of changing the item.
Instead, by failing to accept the SA's offer of help you'd now be happily wearing the garment. Nothing to stop you going online in the future though as you have an idea of your size and RI SAs up and down the land will be eternally grateful.

Sunflower49 · 17/12/2013 15:22

I actually don't think the OP was being unreasonable-I think an experience like that would have made me quite annoyed, self conscious and irritated. I want to be left alone when I shop.

BUT, as others have said, it isn't the girl's fault. Instructions of her job are to do the things she was doing.
Perhaps you reporting her will enlighten the manager that not all customers like their shopping experience being interfered with.

It's put me off shopping at RI though. I rarely shop for clothes in town at all, I hate being bugged, I like to just go and see what I want...I never try clothes on either, would rather just get them and if they don't fit I'll take them back or get a different size!

AnAdventureInCakeAndWine · 17/12/2013 15:28

The manager will already know, Sunflower. Read southbank's post upthread for a manager's eye view. It will make no difference whatsoever to the (centrally-imposed) policy.

stooshe · 17/12/2013 15:30

Op you are sensitive and that may be understandable. But the shop assistant DID ascertain that the clothes that you picked out were for you (because you went to try them on). I can't wrong the young woman. Britain notoriously has crap customer service where staff do not seem aware of what they have in stock.
Next time, politely ask "overzealous" staff if they will be to hand just in case you do need them.
We are living in tough times and it is an employer's market. The young lady has probably been "encouraged" to act according to her job description instead of disengaging and posing off as a LOT of clothes shop assistants had a tendency to do, even up to a year ago (Primark excluded lol).

HoHoHopasholic · 17/12/2013 15:32

Armdale I think sparkle was quoting the OP but didn't put it in italics

LittlePeaPod · 17/12/2013 15:32

it was the in your face, abrupt and unnecessary attitude from the shop assistant which got me feeling that way

But, Op you already felt that way because you already feel insecure about your self image. Regardless of your experience in the shop,I don't think it takes much for you to get upset and paranoid about your weight. You are clearly extremely sensitive about it and it clearly affects how you react to people that may broach the subject. In this case an assistant trying to hard to be helpful.

angelos02 · 17/12/2013 15:33

I'm guessing this wasn't the first time the OP has gone shopping so the way that the shop assistant spoke to her must have been profoundly different for her to have reacted on this occasion.

DoesntLeftoverTurkeySoupDragOn · 17/12/2013 15:35

So, OP, why did you ask if you were unreasonable?

LittlePeaPod · 17/12/2013 15:41

So, OP, why did you ask if you were unreasonable?

I am wondering this too. Regardless of how many of us say YABU you wont accept it. therefore I assume you never thought you were unreasonable in the first place. So i too wonder, why ask the question?

Coumarin · 17/12/2013 15:49

I feel very sorry for the sales advisor.

She'll have been told to approach all customers. She may have got confused and not realised she'd already asked you. Her clumsy wording was well intentioned and indicates that she is fairly new to retail sales. It's highly possible that she is a Christmas temp with the possibility of a permanent position being dangled in front of her so she is a little over enthusiastic.

Nothing she did was spiteful or done with malice from your description. Just inexperience and youthful enthusiasm.

Someone went home feeling like shit because of your complaint. Yabu.

jacks365 · 17/12/2013 15:55

The op asked if she was being unreasonable because she was looking for reassurance and hand holding. The op wanted everyone to tell her that yes the sa was rude and obnoxious and to sympathise with her about this horrendous ordeal. Sorry no sympathy here either and I loathe being pestered by sa but I do know they are only doing their jobs so yabu.

sparkle101 · 17/12/2013 15:59

Yes sorry, was quoting but on my phone so didn't italicalise.... Not even a word. Sorry for confusion.

randomAXEofkindness · 17/12/2013 16:05

I didn't go into the shop on the defensive - it was the in your face, abrupt and unnecessary attitude from the shop assistant which got me feeling that way.

Unless what she said and did would have been considered offensive to the majority of other reasonable people in similar circumstances, it would be wrong to conclude that the shop assistant got you to feel that way.

I'd rather be 2 (or 3!) sizes smaller than I am, but this wouldn't have affected me at all (she asked whether you needed a bigger size and you did! She was accurate, not insulting). I think it's clear that most people wouldn't have been bothered in the least by her behavior, and so, I'm sorry, but YABU. You were actually quite rude, and I don't like the tone of "she needed talking to". I don't think the situation was embarrassing (for an adult at least), but I think that you did probably embarrass yourself by making a fuss and drawing attention to your own hang ups.

sykadelic15 · 17/12/2013 16:05

Not unreasonable to report her, depending on how you said it and what you said.

She asked if you needed help, you said no. So a gentle "It would be good if you could remind her to listen to the customer. I said I didn't need help and I felt badgered" would have been fine.

She should have asked for OTHER sizes, or OTHER options, not bigger. This time I would have told her boss that she should learn to be more PC and just say "other" instead of bigger or smaller.

Pointing out the frumpy clothes could have been her attempt at helping but most likely she was trying to make an impression on her boss (maybe her boss was watching and trying to teach her to engage more?) or maybe she was bored. Could also have been being rude.

I understand you were upset and I feel the same way when shopping sometimes. If I already felt huge or ugly those bad lights and mirrors together with clothes that don't fit how I'm used to... I hate shopping sometimes :S

struggling100 · 17/12/2013 16:06

I am RUBBISH at clothes shopping, so perhaps this is my personal ignorance showing through, but I now need sales assistants to tell me what size I am in a shop, because the numbers no longer really mean anything. I am an 8 in one shop, a 10 in another, a 12 in another. Perhaps she has met lots of people like me, who need the help!