AIBU to have reported this RI shop assistant?

[Vikki88]

I went into my local River Island store today, knowing what I wanted to buy having seen the items online but wanting to try them on before buying. I had the usual “Do you need a hand with anything?” from the shop assistant but I told her I didn’t need any help and she went away.

After seeing me picking up what I wanted, she came back over & asked if I was ok – to which I obviously said yes, she’d only spoken to me 2 minutes ago. Not paying attention to my answer, she then ‘helpfully’ started pointing out other items which she thought were nice before adding that they’d suit me & possibly “even more” than what I had in my hands – all in that annoyingly false happy/enthusiastic voice. Now I can only say that the clothes she was trying to push me towards were frumpy, boring & not at all me. I bit my lip but to me her underlying thoughts were that I didn't have the figure to wear the clothes that I wanted to buy and should wear clothes which covered more… something which really is nothing to do with her.

Already feeling insulted, I ignored her & went to try on my clothes but not before she ‘helpfully’ added she could help me out if I needed any other sizes – we all know what she was insinuating with that. Anyway, I tried on my outfit & as it turns out I did need bigger sizes and I was perfectly willing to go and sort this myself without any fuss. However, as soon as I leave the changing room I see her and she asks, and I quote, “Were they alright for you? Do you need anything bigger?” and with that I’d had enough. I don’t come into shops for snarky comments or to be judged by staff. I said “no” and walked off… I felt too embarrassed to go & actually get the bigger sizes and to give this cow the satisfaction of being right. I did see her supervisor/manager as I was leaving & went over & reported her and she apologised on her behalf – I never report anyone but I thought she deserved it.

The shop assistant was a young girl but that doesn’t give her the right to be blatantly rude to customers. I’m very aware I’ve been putting on weight recently and don’t need people like her making me feel insecure about it. I wonder how many other customers this girl has offended with her lack of tact?

I think I'm allowed to call someone who's around 18 a "young girl"

So, given I am older than you I can refer to you as a young girl with all the derogatory connotations...?

It's very sad that in so many organisations these days, the person (sales assistant) who actually does the work is merely a robot, or a pawn in the game, having to act on dictats from head office, motivated by balance sheets, rather than use their own intuition.

Resisting temptation to refer to NHS management being done by someone who sits behind a desk in Whitehall, rather than in a hospital actually doing the job

Why are you asking if you were unreasonable? Clearly you think you weren't and refuse to hear otherwise.

YABU to risk someone's job based upon your mind reading skills. IMO you should be really clear that someone has been deliberately malicious or nasty if you are going to complain about them. This is clearly not the case here and it would be really shitty if she loses her job a week before christmas because you are feeling a bit sensitive about your weight.

OP, you have NO right to refer to this woman as a 'young girl', whatever age you are.

You're now trying to justify your behaviour, getting more vehement the more posters are popping on to say YABU.

On the plus side, you are now probably part of the 'training package' for sales people at this shop; "How to deal most reasonably, with the most unreasonable". So, every cloud...

You asked; you ARE completely unreasonable. Sort out your own issues with your weight/size and stop projecting them on people doing their job. Or at least have the decency and 'courage' (if that's even necessary) to take it up directly with the person whom you deem has so affronted you.

It's already been said, really. Retail is a shitty job, badly paid and with ridiculous expectations. She sounds like she was following the management rules and was probably dying a bit inside as she did so. I had to ask every single customer if they wanted to buy some chocolate at the till in my last retail job. I used to wince as I said it sometimes, knowing I was going to get a mouthful of abuse about a management decision. Not to mention the elderly gentleman who accused me of trying to kill him because he was diabetic and I was clearly trying to save the NHS money

She didn't make you feel anything. We are all in control if out own feelings. You want to complain then do it at home without mentioning names if you are so against their scripts etc.

I am so fucking glad I'm on maternity this Christmas so I haven't got to deal with customers with your attitude. But then you don't think you're being unreasonable so I don't know why I'm bothering posting.

YDNBU to complain about being pestered when you had twice asked to be left alone. The rest I think you were projecting a little. As for "poor shop assistant getting disciplined". Surely even a half decent manager should be trained well enough to ask a complaining customer enough questions to figure out if they are being reasonable / unreasonable and if complaining about something the staff member has control over or shop policy.

Horrible of you to complain to her superviser, she was probably following the stores rules to the letter. Everybody gets over enthusiastic SAs, you just smile and say I'm just browsing, thankyou.
And if you'd let her get the bigger size for you you'd now have the clothes you wanted to buy, so you've cut off your nose to spite your face.
Hopefully her manager told her that difficult customers like are ten a penny, and to grit your teeth and remain polite at all times.

I make a conscious effort to be nice to shop staff now, having previously been a pretty grumpy shopper, and this has made shopping a much nicer experience. If asked if I need help and I am looking for something specific of even specificish I say yes and get help, if I'm just browsing I thank them for the offer and say no. And, amazingly, the help is generally helpful. The drawback is that my teenage dds are totally mortified by my "talking to people in public".

She shouldn't have said 'bigger size' she should have said 'any different sizes'. It's the Op's right to be sensitive about her weight, it's the assistant's responsibility to ensure that customers leave the store feeling good about their interaction.
The OP has a responsibility as a customer to report this/offer feedback so that the store can improve on their customer service.
I work for a mystery shopping company and her remark would immediately lose points for the store.

She shouldn't have said 'bigger size' she should have said 'any different sizes'

As far as I can see, she didn't. The flibbertigibbet OP quotes her as saying other sizes but we all knew what she meant.

Erm I think she meant other sizes, ithe OP inferred 'bigger' but that is not what she said

You came on here and asked if you were being unreasonable. Five pages of being told that yes, in fact you were being unreasonable and you haven't changed your opinion, so why did you ask?
You have variously described the poor shop assistant as a 'know it all' a 'cow' and 'lacking in tact'. Poor 'young girl' was trying to do her job and you and your issues got in the way. It wasn't her fault you are feeling a bit sensitive at the moment.

OP - 'AIBU'
Everyone on thread - 'Yes you are!'
OP - 'No I'm not'

Repeat ad infinitum

strongurgetofly... that's ridiculous; how is a 'bigger' or 'larger' size in any way insulting? It's a fact that clothes are not uniformly sized and I'm sure the assistant didn't care whether OP needed bigger or smaller clothes, they're just clothes.

I've never been pestered in a shop; I've been asked if I want help once and then having declined it, politely, left in peace. I imagine though, if I were tutting or scowling or wandering around aimlessly, I might be asked again. Perhaps OP was doing none of those things as just has 'one of those faces' that invite these questions? I can only go by her defensive responses on this thread.

I always have to reply to a retail moan thread!
Have been a manager for nearly 20 years so feel very passionately about threads like this.
My reality is that today is my only day off now apart from Xmas day-which as it doesn't fall on my rotad day off I have to either take unpaid or out of my holiday allowance.
I will probably work until 8 or 9pm on Xmas eve,I won't get home in time to see my children before bed.
I will leave my house at 6am on boxing day and probably work until 4 or 5pm,one of my staff insisiting they work the closing shift for me so that I can get home to see my children for if I'm lucky an hour before they go to bed.
During the Xmas build up my targets double every week from November,my team are expected to give the same level of service if I have 5 customers in my shop as if I have 100-seriously.
We are still mystery shopped to the same criteria at Xmas,so if the mystery shopper isn't greeted within 30
seconds they have to say what they assistant was doing.if you are talking to another customer you may still get a bollocking for not giving a non verbal greeting while serving someone else.
We will still have to sell store cards to you,despite not having enough staff to msn the floor and make actual money,and my staff will take every knockback with a smile despite knowing I will speak to them after shift and find out why they haven't sold enough store cards-even though I wudnt fucking buy a store card while out shopping!
Some of my best staff are my 16 year olds,passionate and enthusiastic and make me money,so that I don't get another bollocking for not smashing my target.
Any complaint my team receive-and we receive very very few-will void any bonus we are in line for,and that would include a complaint such as op's so leaving a team of nearly 40 people who work fucking hard for peanuts without a little bit of extra money they were crossing their fingers for.
Xmas in retail is great,the buzz is fantastic,99.9% of people are a pleasure to serve.
The remaining 0.1% should maybe apply to be a Xmas temp next year and see how fucking perfect you are at it.
Merry Xmas all!!

yabu. She was doing her job, customers who don't like the way salespeople are forced to approach them should complain about the sales techniques to those responsible for them and not blame the poor assistants.

She wasn't trying to insult you, she was trying to help and if you'd set aside your paranoia and listened you'd probably have some lovely new clothes now in the right size.

Typical...
OP "aibu?"

MN "yabu"

OP " no I'm not"

Sigh. Why ask if you are so right?? Why? Sorry this infuriates me about folk.

To be fair to the OP, she did say “Were they alright for you? Do you need anything bigger?”

Nobody wants to be asked that, but it's a classic rookie mistake in retail. In all the shops I've worked in, I'm sure I've said stupid things to customers and then been kicking myself for it. It's tough, when you're on your feet all day, getting paid buttons and harassed customers are taking their frustration out on you, to be 'switched on' all the time. I'm sure she meant you no offence, OP.

"I work for a mystery shopping company and her remark would immediately lose points for the store."

Surely that would depend on whether that was one of the scripted questions the staff were supposed to ask? Which is hardly beyond the realms of possibility that a clothes store might require them to offer alternative sizes as part of the script

Next time just buy the things online and then you can send them back and get the right size next time. The elites to local shop assistants will be huge.
Oh, I'm 37. So by your own reckoning you acted like an objectionable little brat in the shop, had one of my children spoken to a SA in the way you did I would march them back to the store to apologise.

I'm pretty sure, from my experience, that such a remark would get points knocked off, Murder, ie. using 'bigger' instead of 'alternative.'

But, as we're all agreeing, the poor girl is human and she made a small mistake. I doubt there are many stores out there which get full marks on mystery shops.

I could not agree more with Southbank's post.

I worked for one store where we were always getting 100% on mystery shops, only because the mystery shoppers were so obvious. We had such a massive list of scripted questions that if you got to the third one and the customer wasn't looking annoyed you could safely guess they were a mystery shopper Hated those damn scripts!

We all know what she was insinuating...
That instead of getting dressed getting a new size walking through the shop and leaving all your stuff unattended she could get more stuff for you... Bitch!

I think you were being too sensitive and reading in to it too much