Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Re.YR and evening Christmas play?

341 replies

MolotovCocktail · 16/12/2013 16:44

Dd is 4.10yo in YR. She is doing her school Christmas play this week: one tomorrow and one on Wednesday. There is also an evening performance tomorrow which parents have not been asked about. A letter was sent home today telling us to return our children to school at 6.

My dd has been quite tired in the evenings (end of term fatigue, I think). If I'd been asked, I wouldn't have given permission to do the evening slot.

WIBU if I didn't return her to school tomorrow evening if she's tired?

OP posts:
SatinSandals · 17/12/2013 07:15

After I produced my very first play I made a point of sending a letter home before casting, saying when the performances would be and that if the child could not do any of the dates ( bar illness) they were to let me know. That way they could be put in the back row of the chorus. You live and learn, otherwise you get someone casually mentioning on the day that they won't be coming. It saved a lot of trouble. There are parents who are quite happy, once they have seen it, to leave other performances short.
I think that people forget what it is like to be a child and the excitement of going to school in the dark and having a lit up stage with all the costumes, and everything out of the ordinary.

SuburbanRhonda · 17/12/2013 07:41

It's perfectly ok to absent your child from the Christmas production. What, IMO, isn't ok is (a) leaving it until the last minute to tell the school or, as OP proposes, leaving the teachers to assume her DD isn't coming if she doesn't show and (b) pretending you're doing it to save the child from the long-term psychological damage of being up past their bedtime once or twice, rather than admitting it's because you've already seen the show and couldn't give a stuff about parents who can only come in the evening.

TantrumsStoleSantasBalloons · 17/12/2013 07:41

I can't help thinking this is more about the parents than the child IYSWIM

If your DC had the "lead" in the school play or if you were working full time and the only time you could see your DCs first nativity was in the evening, you would send them back in. You would let them nap after school, or have a very early night the next day.
If your DC is "third star from the right" and you were able to see the daytime performance and you don't want to go out in the cold and disturb your routine, then you don't go. Because it will be too late a night for your DC. Even though it is just one night.

I've never known a child screaming with tiredness because they went to bed an hour later than normal but I guess my DCs just coped better with a change of routine?

I do think it's about the parents interests though, as I said, I question whether one evening performance would be "too much to cope with" if the parent hasn't seen the performance already c

ballstoit · 17/12/2013 07:45

YABU. Your child will not expire if she goes to bed a couple of hours late for one night. Let her have a rest in front of a DVD when she gets home, and be prepared to get her straight into bed after the show.

My dc3 (4.6) is usually in bed by 7. This week she will go to bed late 3 nights Shock , as my older 2 have both got activities going on later for Christmas parties, and she is having to come with me to a work event as my Mum (who normally babysits) has just had an op.

She will be okay, and the only person who will suffer slightly is me, as she will be whingier than normal and a bit annoying. She's got 2 and a half weeks off school to recover, and as the 3rd child of a lone parent she is used to being a little flexible to fit in around other people's needs. Which is clearly a positive thing, as her teachers have commented on her kindness and empathy for other children.

Perhaps the ability to think of others (working parents, teachers etc) is a skill you could try to develop op, instead of panicking over 1 slightly late night.

NoComet · 17/12/2013 07:50

Wear themselves out Confused

I thought it was 4y job to wear their parents out,

Anyway you want them slightly tired, no one wants to get up at 6am in the holidays!

chocolatemademefat · 17/12/2013 08:07

I think YABU! Daughter 'pooped at 5 oclock'? Give her a high energy snack and take her back to school. Christmas should have a bit more excitement - its not a time to be precious. Wouldnt be very nice if no-one turned up. Maybe next year an evening performance might be the only one YOU can attend.

Jinsei · 17/12/2013 08:18

If you don't want to take her, fair enough - your shout. My dd would have been absolutely gutted to miss a school production at that age, but you're the parent, so you get to decide.

I often wonder about these children who apparently become monsters if they're more than a minute late to bed. Surely teaching a little flexibility might help them more in the long term...

Killinascullion · 17/12/2013 08:33

Yes Tantrums. I'm certain it is a about parents rather than the individual children.

After all, it's obviously really important to require 4 yr olds to bugger up their routines just to entertain a few parents for an evening.

They'll be auditioning for X-factor next and let's not forget those wonderful pageant shows. Yes, it's all done in the interests of the kids long term careers. ;-)

Chronically:are you not aware of the school's responsibilities under the Data Protection Act? Subjective notes about parents attitudes etc. can lead to heaps of trouble if they're read by the subject. Just don't do it unless you're willing to risk a prosecution.

lottieandmia · 17/12/2013 08:33

It's not about flexibility, Jinsei, it is one of those situations where a year or two can make all the difference to a child's ability to cope with something. It's therefore about maturity. My older dd changed a lot between the ages of 4 and 6.

lottieandmia · 17/12/2013 08:35

Personal comments about parents are absolutely not allowed. If they are uncovered the person who made them could really be in hot water. I am very surprised that people think this is normal.

UC · 17/12/2013 08:36

I think YABU. The play will probably last 45 minutes, so he's likely to be home again by 7. Then he can go to bed. Sorry, I think you're being precious. One night that's maybe 45 mins to an hour later to bed than normal isn't going to be the end of the world.

SuburbanRhonda · 17/12/2013 08:36

As many posters have said, Lottie, and I'm inclined to agree with them, children's ability to "cope " with being up past their bedtime has as much to do with their age as with their parents' approach to helping them develop the skills of being flexible and adaptable.

If a parent is a slave to their child's routine, come hell or high water, that skill will take longer to learn, IMVHO.

SuburbanRhonda · 17/12/2013 08:38

What would you define as a "personal" comment,lottie?

Just interested as I work in two schools, though not in the classroom and am intrigued by your accusations of unprofessionalism upthread.

Whoops, gotta go to work!

lottieandmia · 17/12/2013 08:41

But my dd is tired by 4pm. Keeping her up until 8 just isn't an option. Last week she had her school disco which ended at 5.15 and she was exhausted and crying when I got her home. There would have been no way she could have started doing a play at 6pm. And if she had she probably would have misbehaved.

Jinsei · 17/12/2013 08:41

Maybe lottie. My dd has always been relatively mature for her age, and inevitably, she's my yardstick for this sort of thing. The odd late night here and there has never had any impact on her mood or behaviour.

Having said that, I know adults who are incredibly resistant to any changes in their routine, and miss out because of this. Can't help but wonder if it doesn't all start in childhood!

lottieandmia · 17/12/2013 08:42

You don't know what a personal comment is?

lottieandmia · 17/12/2013 08:43

Jinsei - I do agree that all kids are different.

Panzee · 17/12/2013 08:54

I once fell asleep in A Level French! Maybe my mum should have sent in a note excusing me.

OP I can see your concerns, I'm a teacher with a knackered 4 year old I just had to prise out of bed. However if it starts at six she will be out before 7, infant plays are usually only half an hour. Teachers will go gently during the day so she's not haring around, and it's also very exciting to have your tea and go back to school when it's dark.

It also helps perpetuate the myth that teachers live in the school, which can be as important as the Tooth Fairy for some. :o

It's only one night, give it a go. :)

ExcuseTypos · 17/12/2013 08:55

At our school there is no pressure at all for YR children to return for an evening performance. This year only seven YR children came back and that was because they have older brothers and sisters.

Ime (YR volunteer) the YR children find it difficult sitting through the nativity anyway.
This year I had 'why are we here?' 'Are we missing choosing time?' and 'when can we go back to school' repeated for most of the service.
Making those children sit through it all again, so they can do their 3 minute bit, would be like torture for them.

SatinSandals · 17/12/2013 09:02

You can't be precious if they have older brothers and sisters, and it is much better for them. When mine was 4 yrs we regularly had to do lifts to football training etc with the 12 yr old. They adapt.

Original poster
MolotovCocktail · 17/12/2013 09:26

I love reading some of the assumptions that have been made about me on here. I enjoy learning about my 'either' 'or' employment status.

I have to say that the one where I'm selfish for considering my 4yo's ability to manage tiredness after a long first ft term and school day is my absolute fave Wink

OP posts:
Original poster
MolotovCocktail · 17/12/2013 09:29

Oh, and I think one poater may have confused me with someone else. This is my dd1 (or if you prefer, my pfb). Maybe when it's dd2's turn, I'll have learned to care less.

OP posts:
Original poster
MolotovCocktail · 17/12/2013 09:29

*poster

OP posts:
Wishihadabs · 17/12/2013 09:34

Sorry that was me. Lottie has a dc3 who is exhausted by 4pm.

TeacupDrama · 17/12/2013 09:39

you were by your own admission told clearly in october that only nursery children would not be in evening performance ( clearly implying that others were) you have had a least 6 weeks to mention that maybe evenings would not work for YR, and also to ask for clarification that YR were in evening performance

YABVU to give either 2 hours notice or not show up, I do not think it will scare UCAS Xmas Shock but it might mean your DD not getting parts in next couple of years on the basis that you are a bit unreliable

if would have been reasonable if you had mentioned this to teacher any time in past 6 weeks, as you say you know your daughter so surely you knew whether she would be too tired weeks ago too, just because a formal letter was not sent does not mean you could not have asked, i think it is reasonable of teachers to assume your DD would be coming as no mention by you to the contrary

Swipe left for the next trending thread