Anti-gay views in the workplace

[VenusOfWillendorf]

Last week, I went to lunch at our work cafeteria with some colleagues. We were chatting about what we had done over the weekend, and one of them said that he has participated in protest march against gay marriage in a city about three hours from where we live. I was quite shocked by this, and said I needed to finish something back in the office, and left the table. It was about halfway through the meal (I hadn't finished eating, neither had they).
My boss came to me in the afternoon and said that I'd come across as rude. I said that I found his views offensive and couldn't continue eating there. She said he's entitled to do as he likes at the weekend, and that I should perhaps apologise.
I don't agree with her at all. Am I being unreasonable??

[Some background - the colleague in question I know to be quite religious (he's Christian, but I don't know which church). I am not gay myself (though my brother is) and can't stand any form of homophobia].

Attending not attempting of course

I'd ask him why he's against gay marriage. If he quotes the bible, shows what a pillock he is. :o

No you are right trifle attempting a anti gay march in your downtime tells nothing on your views of gay people she was making a massive leap to find that offensive
I would not argue that it says nothing about his views on gay people. I think it makes his feelings crystal clear (assuming he wasn't there as a saboteur of some kind).

However, it is not, and nor should it be, illegal to think that gay marriage is a bad thing.

What IS manifestly illegal is spouting anti-gay bilge in the workplace, something I think the Op should have hung on for (although I DO understand the response of discreetly removing herself).

Sorry my last post was meant to have after it. I do think he was telling a room full of people that he was actively anti gay. I think that is an inappropriate thing to share in your work place. I get it is unchristian to lie when asked about he weekend activities but a person can always stop sharing. I mean just because he is happy to share his distaste at other peoples sex life at the lunch table I imagine he stops short of discussing his own so he probably is familiar with social boundaries.

I "got" the tone of your post

I do think he was telling a room full of people that he was actively anti gay.

I agree. But I don't think the statement "I disagree with gay marriage" is a sacking offence. I think the statement "I disagree with gay marriage because the Bible says it's an abomination and gay men together is disgusting and any children are all going to be fucked up and turn into pedophiles" IS a sacking offence.

Motherinferior

The bit where he used his right to free speech and to disagree with you. Sincere disagreement is not bigotry.

I think homophobia is bigotry.

I'm no fan of marriage, mind. But I'm an equal-opportunity marriage disliker.

Why is being opposed to gay marriage automatically "homophobia" which is irrational fear of gay people?

Perfectly possible to believe that marriage is between a man and a woman whilst believing in other forms of same sex partnership with equal rights which is what Civil Partnership are.

No, it isn't reasonable, or right, to say that marriage is only for heterosexuals. (Or indeed that civil partnerships are only for same sex couples, I personally think.)

Civil partnership isn't marriage though. It's civil partnership. If I enter a civil partnership with a woman, I'm not married to her, am I? It's homophobic to deny someone something based on them being gay.

It is perfectly reasonable for someone to say that marriage is for a man and a woman. It is perfectly unreasonable to assume that such an unsupported premise would carry weight in secular civil society.

Maid It is also perfectly reasonable for someone to say that they believe that marriage is for a man and a woman and to go on a march to defend that view. And to bring this up in a lunchtime chat with a colleague without being accused of homophobia

YANBU, would she have rather you started an argument at the table?

I'm lucky to work with a tolerant bunch of folk, plus my boss is a gay woman, so anyone expressing homophobic views would likely be eaten alive.

She did not accuse him of homophobia (although it is). She walked away.

Perfectly possible to believe that marriage is between a man and a woman whilst believing in other forms of same sex partnership with equal rights which is what Civil Partnership are

It is not perfectly possible to limit a gay person's Civil rights and not be homophobic though.

neunundneunzig

You are on fire!

I have been on a few marches. All of them because I was willing to give time, energy and support to something that I firmly believed. I have never been on a march to deny something to people. Giving your time, energy and support to deny consenting adults something that they want and doesn't affect you does look like bigotry, to me.

People who want to deny these people their right to marry ARE bigots and homophobes.

MrsTerry

That gets me every time. What kind of a misanthrope would deny people their rights to that?

E & D policy in the workplace, religion and sexual orientation are 2 of the protected characteristics, ie every workplace has to ensure that nobody is undermined in these respects.

He didn't out and out try to offend you, however you were offended by his views - he's allowed to have them and think them but he is not allowed to voice them in the workplace.

By politely excusing yourself and walking off, you did the right thing - it obviously made an impact as your boss felt the need to speak to you about it; however, by asking you to apologise for your reasonable offence to what he was talking about she is breaching E & D in my opinion - you were offended by what he said, you are allowed to be offended, it is your bosses place to ensure E & D is adhered to, therefore she should have spoken to him, not you - it is perception not intent that is the crux.

I wouldn't take it any further, but if pressed by your boss, WilsonFrickett had the perfect response further upthread:

If boss or colleague brings it up say 'of course you/he is perfectly entitled to do what you/he wish at the weekend, however I am not prepared to listen to homophobic views in the workplace.'.

If the boss is unreasonable following that then take it straight to HR because the boss is then complicit in 'okaying' a homophobic culture.

It is also perfectly reasonable for someone to say that they believe that marriage is for a man and a woman and to go on a march to defend that view. And to bring this up in a lunchtime chat with a colleague without being accused of homophobia

Except its not reasonable. If you deny someone something, and deny them the right to be equal, because of their sexuality, you are homophobic.

Dreaming I agree, although (ignoring the semantics surrounding the word 'homophobia') I think it's reasonable to say that someone participating in an anti-gay march is homophobic. If that accusation doesn't sit well, people are free to, um, stop doing stuff that indicates homophobia.

AFAIC, you were on your lunch time

so he ( and your boss) can kiss your arse.

Clearly this guy is an unpleasant bigot. To all those defending his right to free speech, I don't think anybody has accused him of actually committing a crime. People are just pointing out that the OP is not being unreasonable to expect she should be able to get up and remove herself from the vicinity of his vomit inducing bullshit without being to,d to apologise

I think the key thing here is that he wasn't openly expressing his view, it was im

yeah, if you are against gay marriage you are homophobic

why is that even being debated

also monicle has some awsome points