Things I only ever see on Mumsnet and never in RL

[HankyScore]

Wedding gift lists angst. I don't think I've ever been to a wedding where there wasn't a list. It's normal.

Parents who never have even a sniff of booze when their kids are in the house, and the angst over 'what if I need to drive them to hospital?'. Perhaps everyone I know is a raging alky, but it's just never come up as an issue.

Old ladies on the bus having a pop about breastfeeding/children/the yoof of today. Has never happened to me in all my eleven years of parenting. I only ever meet nice people on public transport. Perhaps I am just incredibly thick skinned and don't notice the judgy stares?

People giving much of a shit over BF/FF, or at least not once they are past their own days of feeding a baby.

There is more.

I'm off to think of some.

Never seen these public transport bullies who push little old ladies and pregnant women out of the way to bag a seat.

Don't know anyone who is a school gate bitch or who has been on the receiving end of school mum bitchiness.

Have never encountered women who start imagining that their partners have been horribly murdered or mangled when they go to the shops and are 10 mins longer than they should be.

You should my kids new school Giles.

This is no exaggeration: roughly three quarters of DS2's class are late every day. Seriously. I've never seen such a poor attitude to timekeeping. There was a letter sent out before half-term about being on time - hasn't made a jot of difference.

When DS goes into the classroom in the morning, there are four or five others who go in too. The rest of the class are trundling in with their parents as they (the parents) please, no sense of urgency or anything. Quite a few of the parents are still standing around gassing on the playground or by the gates 5 or 10 minutes after the door has happened, while their kids are still running around.

I'm so used to it now I'm not even shocked anymore.

Ooooh, I've also seen many a playground bust-up between Mums! This was at our previous school in a naice area.

Admiral yes to be fair I do remember a loony acquaintance who banged in about how everyone SHOULD bf but assume such people are best shunned as clearly deranged.

Yes I assume that too also anyone who harps on about what other people should be doing regarding how they run their own households, who works and how long they intend to stay at home for. Whatever way they do things is clearly the only correct way...

I presume they go online to get an audience because people in RL make excuses to get away from them

Beeyump I had a lecture at university that covered infixes demonstrated by such words as fanfuckingtastic. The lecturer explained quite solemnly that this phenomenon only really happens in English in profanities, but how terribly linguistically significant that is You'd have loved it.

I once saw someone on MN launching a long, moralising attack another poster for mentioning putting the washing out while her I think 6 year old was watching the telly inside because "what if a bee got in and stung him!" You what.

Are you serious mint

Sometimes I wonder how people are still alive because they can't leave anything long enough to breathe

And dare anyone try to raise a discussion about the welfare state. Even if it's a ligament question.

Well, that's the achilles heel of politics, isn't it?

Oh my goodness, Friday you have just made me wee a little bit...

needaholiday Yes, that tends to go full circle in my experience.

Stage 1: You do nice things for your SC, you are happy and they are happy.
Stage 2: Enter Mumsnet, become shocked and defensive at the assumption that you are assumed to be a cancerous bitch.
Stage 3: Become alarmed that you really are a cancerous bitch!?
Stage 4: Stop caring, return to stage 1.

whoops, no need for that second 'assumed' ^

Satin - which bit of my post do you mean?

The bit that parents of secondary pupils still arrange play dates. I thought that I had heard it all on MN and couldn't be surprised, but obviously not!

I have an 11 year old and I still have to sort out his playdates (sigh). I worry about him. He never leaves the house alone unless I force him to.

Play dates arranged here as well, until aged 11/12.

Glad I'm not the only one.

I once saw someone on MN launching a long, moralising attack another poster for mentioning putting the washing out while her I think 6 year old was watching the telly inside because "what if a bee got in and stung him!"

I hate hysterical parenting, and people who try to suck you into it.

I told my MIL that my 8 year old got a water bottle and how adorable I thought it was that he must have it for bed every night like an old man. She said "waterbottles are dangerous! They can BURN you! What if it opens!" blah blah blah blah and basically just made me want to kill her.

I came home and told my husband and we LOL'd for a good long while.

People who micro-manage their childrens diets to such an extent that they refuse to let them have so much as a sniff of refined sugar until they hit their teens and then erupt in fury when a grandparent dares to give 4 year old DC a packet of chocolate buttons.

Continuing with the food theme, people who are horrified at the idea of cooking frozen yorkshire puds/ roast potatoes/etc and seem to think they are somehow 'lesser.' They taste perfectly fine ffs and there's nothing wrong withndoing things the easy way sometimes.

And thinking that a gift list for a wedding is somehow entitled or grabby. It's normal surely?

DeckTheHalls - I would have adored that!

who fucking actually says play dates??? stop right now! far too twee!!!

I am very confused as to what you can and can't use in terms of adjectives when talking about a disability. Is it right that you can't say "my autistic son" but you can say "my son who has autism" is the same true for all things, can you say "my dyslexic cousin" or "my spanish friend"?

It's horrible isn't it?

how the fuck do you 'wear a baby?'

And the ones who moan because a child has a birthday and gives out a few sweets at the end of the day at school.

how the fuck do you 'wear a baby?'

They treat them like a handbag! It is a term used on MN rather than carrying a baby in a sling. It goes with 'attachment parenting'- another ridiculous term!

"Red Herrings" Fuck OFF Sherlock.