Things I only ever see on Mumsnet and never in RL

[HankyScore]

Wedding gift lists angst. I don't think I've ever been to a wedding where there wasn't a list. It's normal.

Parents who never have even a sniff of booze when their kids are in the house, and the angst over 'what if I need to drive them to hospital?'. Perhaps everyone I know is a raging alky, but it's just never come up as an issue.

Old ladies on the bus having a pop about breastfeeding/children/the yoof of today. Has never happened to me in all my eleven years of parenting. I only ever meet nice people on public transport. Perhaps I am just incredibly thick skinned and don't notice the judgy stares?

People giving much of a shit over BF/FF, or at least not once they are past their own days of feeding a baby.

There is more.

I'm off to think of some.

I also know one house where the grandchildren are not allowed beyond the kitchen!

I would say people who don't let their children out of their sight until they're 18 and starting university, but then my friend wrote on Facebook about being 'proud of her daughter for getting the bus home (from secondary school!) without getting lost .

Have we covered people who still organise their offspring's 'playdates' when they're in secondary school?

Do they do that, Heartbroken? Really?!

The mn world is just humor for me. I don't really know any of the people or issues described. The real world is so much nicer.

Just been inspired by another thread:

People who still insist on saying how many years and months their child is one they're past 3.

Your child is not 6.3 - your child is 6. How long do these parents keep adding the months?

That would make my dc - 12.1, 8.11 and 5.4 - which just looks stupid!

i never get a table first

Satin - which bit of my post do you mean?

Elucidate ye!

god yes i hate the years and months thing

or how old their kid is next birthday
"she is three in june"

right. so she is 2 then

Hanne - I've just laughed really loudly at that!

We've just had new cream carpet laid throughout (50oz 80/20 with 11mm underlay) stealth boast So all you cat-shit-smeared bastards with excrement coated shoes can absolutely take your shoes off before entering. Thanking you.

People who actually think Ella's pouches are superior to jars

They bloody well are.

You cannot take a jar remove the lid put it on its side and punch it with the same amusing results unless you are hard as fuck and don't mind a shredded hand

I've never actually met anyone so up tight that removing shoes is offensive. Most people I know are perfectly normal and remove them automatically :o

Primary and secondary families, so you are in your parents primary family but once you have kids they are relegated to your secondary family. Never heard this language in real life.

i never have till now

:o
sock

I have an 11yo who believes in Santa

but then, he has competitive SN Aspergers and is gullible

so up yer flaps!

primary family

is there a tertiary family?

I insist my inlaws take their shoes off, but that's because they're toxic and I hate them (true story). Hang on, I think I'm on to something...

Me and dh say fanfuckingtasic all the time. I thought we made it up.

Can someone please link me to where Elf on the Shelf has been mentioned because I haven't come across reference to it on MN at all, and I'm curious to see if my (obsessed with it) RL friend has been the catalyst of someones E-o-t-S rage....

There was an OP recently that basically was asking what filling they should have in their Subway sarnie (sorry if that irritates anyone)

People have to refer to a Discussion website to be advised on what your sandwich filling should be!

And other people were replying!!!!

People who type things such as "As a rule, I will have killed the thread by entering this post"

(Self fulfilling prophecy? Please.....)

"do you mean to be so rude". Really? Given the chance you'd use that rather than "stop being such an arse" or "oh just fuck off"?

Come on. Please.

All the angst about religion - 'I am furious, my child is expected to say a prayer at school', who shall I complain to? .I never come across this in R/L. Everyone I know is desperate to get their child into a faith school, loves all the church services, nativity plays, free Church activities etc etc.

The sort of meals Mumsnetters seem to have routinely - grilled sea bass with sauteed mediteranean vegetables followed by freshly poached white peaches - surely most people have fish fingers & chips followed by a yogurt on weekday nights .

The Style & Beauty threads 'shall I spend £500 on a handbag', 'what do you wear on the school run' and other similar crap - never hear this sort of thing in RL.

People who are routinely late for school or anything. Not one person I know who has a baby struggles that much to get a baby grow and coat on and strap them into a pram and wAlk to the school.

People who can't leave their 13 year olds home fir two hours with a yogurt and packet if biscuits incase they die of hunger in the short time you are gone.

People with children who drink gallons of milk a day and think that's a good thing.