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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH's Job Making Unreasonable Demands

139 replies

LessMissAbs · 16/12/2013 08:43

DH's boss sent him a text message yesterday afternoon (Sunday) asking him to go to South Korea leaving at midday today for the week before Christmas, back next weekend.

It isn't even his job. Its one of the two service engineers, but neither of them "want to go". DH is the design engineer.

As well as inconveniencing DH hugely, this means when I fly back myself (currently working abroad) next Saturday, there will be no-one to meet me at the airport, and I will have to get to our inlaws 200 miles away on public transport.

Fed up with being inconvenienced by DH's job.

OP posts:
SatinSandals · 16/12/2013 08:47

YANBU but it seems fairly typical.

KatAndKit · 16/12/2013 08:47

Cant he say sorry but he cant do it at such short notice as his wife is already away with work at that time? Do you have children? I don't understand why the two others get to opt out of parts of their job that they don't want to do.

MrsLouisTheroux · 16/12/2013 08:47

He says no? Like the 2 other men? I think that not being met at the airport is you main concern. I would find it inconvenient having to do a 200 mile trip to pick you up because of your job TBH.

PointyChristmasFairyWand · 16/12/2013 08:48

Whether it's unreasonable depends on whether it was stated in the job spec when he applied. If they mentioned 'frequent travel abroad sometimes at very short notice' then you haven't got a leg to stand on, I'm afraid.

If it's genuinely a case of the two better suited people 'not wanting to go' then your DH's boss needs to grow a pair.

throwingstones · 16/12/2013 08:48

Hard to say if it's unreasonable or not, with high paid jobs this sort of thing is often expected. If he's on £6.50/hr then it's probably not something you'd expect to have to do.

QuintessentialShadows · 16/12/2013 08:49

Do you see the irony in working abroad yourself, and needing your husband to pick you up from the airport?
Grin

I totally get why you dont want to go to the Inlaws.
But you do sound a little like a petulant child and that is quite unlike you.

SatinSandals · 16/12/2013 08:49

It is why I wouldn't want a high powered job.

CMOTDibbler · 16/12/2013 08:49

Thing is, someone needs to go, and boss is working his way down the list of possibilities. If your dh doesn't want to go, then he says no, simple as that.
My boss asked me last wednesday if I could be in the US for Friday morning to do something thats not my role. Fair enough to ask, but I couldn't, and he knew it was a long shot.

MortifiedAnyFuckerAdams · 16/12/2013 08:50

Do you drive? If so, you coukd hire a car at the airport to get yourself to your ILs.

Shitty short notice though!

Original poster
LessMissAbs · 16/12/2013 08:51

If he says no, the company will be in trouble. And he's a soft touch for them. I told him to go only if they made it worth his while. Its unbelievable to me that he doesn't even get paid any extra allowance or overtime or whatever they call it in his field when working abroad.

I don't even know if he is going. That was my advice to him - go but only if they make it worth your time.

This has happened continually (its such a badly run company) but South Korea the week before Christmas is taking the biscuit.

If we had children, I don't think I would actually be able to work at all. I find the whole culture of his employers extremely misogynistic at times. They seem to assume wives don't work.

OP posts:
Original poster
LessMissAbs · 16/12/2013 08:53

Quintissential Do you see the irony in working abroad yourself, and needing your husband to pick you up from the airport?

Obviously I don't need him to pick me up from the airport. FFS where did I give the impression that I am incapable of getting on a train??

I will be out of pocket and inconvenienced because of his job. Again.

OP posts:
Lonecatwithkitten · 16/12/2013 08:56

I will he be flying from the same airport so could he leave car keys in a package for collection with an airline for you.
Does your company not cover travel to and from the airport?

Ragwort · 16/12/2013 08:58

But presumably he has a senior, professional role and receives a salary? My DH frequently has to travel overseas and there is no question of being paid 'overtime' or time off in lieu in that sort of role. And no, he actually doesn't earn that much (c. £40K) but you know what, the alternative is no employment. It is a seriously harsh world at the moment.

TheDoctrineOfSanta · 16/12/2013 08:58

If you are incurring expense that you wouldn't have otherwise done, he should talk to them about an honorarium or something to compensate.

My old job used to pay partners' expenses if they incurred any cos of staff travel, but I'm not sure HMRC allows that now or maybe not then

MortifiedAnyFuckerAdams · 16/12/2013 09:00

But will your train fare actually be that much more costly than the fuel to come and get you and then drive on to his folks house?

Tbh the more I think about it, the more he probably is the right person to go. No kids, wife out of town anyways. What if the colleagies that would go have families at home this week, kids doing their christmas shows which the dads may want to see. They could be thinking Ive been asked to do this trip.a week before christmas and Mr Abs hasnt even got anyone at home. Make him go

IComeFromALandDownUnder · 16/12/2013 09:04

When is your Dh back? Sunday? You could always book yourself into a hotel for one night and travel together on his return.

eurochick · 16/12/2013 09:07

I understand it's a pain, but travel is part and parcel of many jobs, including yours by the sound of it. He'll be back before Xmas.

And he gets the chance to do the Gangnam Style dance in S Korea itself. How cool is that?

Original poster
LessMissAbs · 16/12/2013 09:09

I get quite a generous travel allowance but have been abroad for some time and was looking forward to seeing DH again and thought travel plans were all sorted.

DH is paid 50k pa and his contract is vague but contains a standard clause allowing work away from the office as and when required. Obviously, as a lawyer myself, I know this must be exercised reasonably, and I very much doubt that expecting an employee to go to South Korea the week before Christmas on less than 24 hours notice is acting reasonably.

I have to admit I have a bit of an "issue" with engineering and engineers. DH is one, obviously, but he is the design engineer and there are two service engineers whose specific job it is to travel, and who are paid accordingly. DH isn't sure whether they get paid extra when they travel off site, but it seems standard in engineering that this is the case. For instance, when my friend does so, she gets something like 40% extra payment for the period she is away. Plus expenses. It often involves working round the clock to fix the issue and over weekends.

Its only recently that DH has been given a company credit card for such trips. Previously he had to use his own credit card, and claim back expenses, which in practice meant that I had to cover the shortfall sometimes until it was paid back!

My other issue with DH's job is that there really does seem to be an assumption that there are little wives sitting at home, waiting to pick up the slack.

I think he should already be looking for a new job.

OP posts:
TheDoctrineOfSanta · 16/12/2013 09:11

Lots of "career" jobs make that assumption though - if staff push back then the job may adapt, but not otherwise.

Moreisnnogedag · 16/12/2013 09:11

So if he goes the major thing is you'll be inconvenienced? Why don't you just go home and say to the ILs you'll both go up when he's back?

Original poster
LessMissAbs · 16/12/2013 09:12

eurochick the gangam style dance is the only good thing about it. But he can't exactly bring it back!

Suspect he will be delayed on the way back anyway. I fancy hanging around an airport hotel even less than going to the inlaws alone and being nagged for not waiting for him (which will happen).

OP posts:
TheDoctrineOfSanta · 16/12/2013 09:13

If your DH says no then what will the co sequences be (for him, not the company)

Bonsoir · 16/12/2013 09:13

I don't understand why your not being picked up at the airport is a reason for preventing your DH from doing his job.

Moreisnnogedag · 16/12/2013 09:16

No I don't think the assumption is 'little wives' are waiting at home but that employees are available to fulfil their contractual obligations regardless.

My job has a clause that I am available to cover short notice absence in emergencies (eg the person taking over from me fails to come in). I happen to have a 'little husband' at home but I don't think they'd particularly care if I didn't.

Bonsoir · 16/12/2013 09:18

A lot of jobs do assume that you have no other responsibilities than prevent you from being available 24/7 at short notice.