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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH's Job Making Unreasonable Demands

139 replies

LessMissAbs · 16/12/2013 08:43

DH's boss sent him a text message yesterday afternoon (Sunday) asking him to go to South Korea leaving at midday today for the week before Christmas, back next weekend.

It isn't even his job. Its one of the two service engineers, but neither of them "want to go". DH is the design engineer.

As well as inconveniencing DH hugely, this means when I fly back myself (currently working abroad) next Saturday, there will be no-one to meet me at the airport, and I will have to get to our inlaws 200 miles away on public transport.

Fed up with being inconvenienced by DH's job.

OP posts:
Metebelis3 · 16/12/2013 09:20

I agree that less than one days notice of a trip is unreasonable. Going away for the week before Xmas is not though, I w supposed to be flying to Kiev today for the week but I'm not going now because of the civil unrest (v relieved about that I must say) this is the first week before Xmas I'll be at home for years. As for arriving at the airport and having to travel 200 hundred miles on your own - that's what I do almost every other week.

Original poster
LessMissAbs · 16/12/2013 09:20

I don't understand why your not being picked up at the airport is a reason for preventing your DH from doing his job

Its not his job though Bonsoir. Its the two service engineers' specific jobs.

And I don't see why I should end up subsidising DH's employers, whether it be in my time or money.

OP posts:
MortifiedAnyFuckerAdams · 16/12/2013 09:21

I dont get why you keep saying "Soutb Korea the week before Christmas".

Is it the location? Do you have concerns about him going to SK at any time of year?

And the week before Christmas is a normal.working week.

CMOTDibbler · 16/12/2013 09:22

I don't know anyone who gets an allowance for working overseas. Well, we get £5 a day for 'incidentals' which covers laundry etc but thats it. No overtime or even time in lieu for travelling or working on weekends.

The service engineers in my organisation do get paid overtime and travel time, but they can't refuse to go anywhere, and will be somewhere till they sort the problem out. But no extra pay, even if they are somewhere unpleasant or dangerous

Original poster
LessMissAbs · 16/12/2013 09:25

Moreis No I don't think the assumption is 'little wives' are waiting at home but that employees are available to fulfil their contractual obligations regardless

No, really, that is the assumption. On all the occasions I have met his work colleagues, none of them has ever asked me what I do for a living, and several obviously assumed I was a housewife (comment that "at least I don't have to get up early the next morning").

All contractual obligations in a contract of employment must be exercised reasonably, and less than 24 hours notice (by text message!) is not reasonable.

Of course, he can say no. But I suspect the company isn't doing that well - I don't find it that well run, at least I know in my field we wouldn't run a partnership like that. I see this request of DH more as a consequence of the way the company is now being run than as a reasonable and sensible employment request.

OP posts:
Original poster
LessMissAbs · 16/12/2013 09:27

Mortified Is it the location? Do you have concerns about him going to SK at any time of year?

Its the length of time to travel there, and the number of connections involved.

I can assure that I have nothing against Koreans of any geographical persuasion.

OP posts:
BlousyMumsyTwat · 16/12/2013 09:27

YABU to think business stops just because you've got fairy lights on!

HairyMaclary · 16/12/2013 09:29

My DH travels, often at short notice and usually works over and above 'normal' hours while he's there. Being paid more for it, or even having a company credit card just doesn,'t happen. He's not paid a fortune, a similar amount to your DH and I often think it's not enough when he's away at least a week of every month, sometimes a few short trips sometimes one long one, however as Ragwort says, the other option is no job, there is certainly not the possibility of asking for a raise, or complaining about it.

I do work, but my work is flexible, mostly to cover the needs of DS1 who is disabled, but DH couldn't be the primary carer with his job the way it is at the moment.

I'm afraid from my exoperience I wouldn't call that unreasonable demands, but I would wonder why two others feel they can just say no but he can't.

Metebelis3 · 16/12/2013 09:30

CMOT I get an extra weeks holiday to 'make up' for all the weekends that are trashed. I negotiated this when I joined my firm. Also, I get paid a lot. The level of my salary reflects, in part, the degree of difficulty of my job.

.

PatriciaHolm · 16/12/2013 09:31

If you have been abroad for some time, surely your employers are as guilty of assuming there is someone at home all the time as his are?

Given the other two engineers have been able to say No, it would see his employers are being somewhat reasonable to their employees; your DH doesn't HAVE to go either by the sounds of it. Are the other engineers family men? In which case they may have said no, we can't, we have family commitments and your DH has said oh, I don't, i'll go. Which of course they have jumped on.

You are being inconvenienced by his job in a very minor way. I expect he is inconvenienced by yours often in an equally minor way! If these are the careers you wish to pursue, then you will have to deal with it.

Original poster
LessMissAbs · 16/12/2013 09:32

In effect, they are expecting him to be on call, for anywhere in the world, at less than 24 hours notice.

I suspect that has a lot to do with why other two don't want to go.

OP posts:
FunkyBoldRibena · 16/12/2013 09:32

What about going home when you get back, and then travel to your ILs when he gets home?

QuintessentialShadows · 16/12/2013 09:33

"If we had children, I don't think I would actually be able to work at all. I find the whole culture of his employers extremely misogynistic at times. They seem to assume wives don't work."

I think every work place is the same. Sadly.
Why do you think so many women end up as sahms? It is not just to pursue the dream of baking endless trays of cupcakes!

In my sons primary, the mums are geologists, engineers, linguists, lawyers, doctors, etc. All feeling fulfilled at the school gates.

Both women and men are under the same pressure and demands from their employers. The employers dont stop putting the pressure on just because a child is born. So, many women just give up and the family make a decision that the lowest earner stays at home, and in most cases, you guessed it, thats the women....

FunkyBoldRibena · 16/12/2013 09:34

My OH went to SK in January this year for one meeting. Two days travel there, two days back and one half day meeting.

diddl · 16/12/2013 09:34

If it's not his job, & the two people whose job it is are able to refuse-that's the problem!

Why are they allowed to say no?

Metebelis3 · 16/12/2013 09:34

If I expected my DH to pick me up from the airport every trip he wouldn't be impressed!

HanneHolm · 16/12/2013 09:35

Meh. I can't see what the problem is. You're away. It's his job , kinda, no kids. What's with the week before Xmas thing?
Just get him to demand a company credit card.

jojane · 16/12/2013 09:37

Dh sometimes has to go away for work often at short notice. He doesn't earn a huge salary (£34k) but he has a company credit card for all his expenses, gets paid travelling time and overtime that he works while there. He also is on call one week a month and gets paid extra and so far in 3 years has been called out once so in effect has been paid thousands for that one call out!

Original poster
LessMissAbs · 16/12/2013 09:38

PatriciaHolm If you have been abroad for some time, surely your employers are as guilty of assuming there is someone at home all the time as his are?

My employer is abroad. Its a temporary contract, which has been renewed, and which I'm in control of accepting or not. The organisation is run in such a way that employees come in from all over the world but we tend to know what we are doing in advance and even if there were some emergency, we are well enough treated and the job is interesting enough that the issue wouldn't arise in the same way. I think we are a bit more valued, at least in this field. If we weren't treated well, we would leave. But its considered quite a good organisation to work for.

I think my disquiet is probably due to comparing the way I'm treated at work with the way DH is being treated. He isn't that highly paid and I guess if he was, I would expect him to suck it up. Given that he is paid only middling, and gets no bonuses or anything, I would expect him to be paid a salary uplift for the period he is away from the office for more than a couple of days, to make it worth his while.

But that's just me comparing it with my job, and of people in similar jobs that to DH that I know.

OP posts:
specialsubject · 16/12/2013 09:41

top tip - stop talking about Christmas. It is utterly irrelevant, the world doesn't actually stop because of the perceived need to buy sparkly tat.

is he paid enough to make this worthwhile?

WilsonFrickett · 16/12/2013 09:42

I don't understand why the two service engineers have been allowed to say no tbh. And I think your DH should have said no, if saying no is allowed in your company.

It has nothing to do with whether he has family or not btw and I would be absolutely raging if I felt that was why they'd been allowed to say no. It is a standard working week. Having DCs does not give you a pass from doing your actual job.

Bonsoir · 16/12/2013 09:43

If you are the kind of family that is very hung up about Christmas and want to spend ten days celebrating, you need to have one non-working or very part-time working partner in the couple who can devote her/himself to organising the festivities.

PatriciaHolm · 16/12/2013 09:43

"I think my disquiet is probably due to comparing the way I'm treated at work with the way DH is being treated."

Ah yes, I get that, now. Your employers may ask the same thing of you, but with more courtesy (and pay?!) so it feels much more like a collaborative decision. His make more short term demands and don't pay sufficiently for him (and you?) to feel as if he is valued for meeting those demands.

I do see your point when turned that way, I think i would feel the same; DH does occasionally get sent abroad at short notice (Hong Kong for a day, anyone?) but he can say no, and he gets very highly paid so it's slightly a feeling of well that's what you get paid for.

How does your Dh feel about his job? has he made noises about moving?

Metebelis3 · 16/12/2013 09:44

Could he get another job for the same or better money without travel? If so, then he should.

Deliaskis · 16/12/2013 09:44

I don't think it's really about the trip is it?

Because on the face of it, it is not an unreasonable request at all. He isn't travelling back Christmas eve or anything, he'll be home 2 days before Christmas, and how you get to your in-laws isn't the responsibility of his company any more than it's the responsibility of yours. The last minute notice is a bit tricky, but it sounds like this is the kind of business it is - something needs fixing, you don't normally receive a month's notice that it is going to be broken. The two service engineers have said that this week they can't go, so your DH is next on the list.

DH is also 'not a service engineer', but went away a few weeks ago, because the service engineers had barely been at home for months, and needed some down time, so he went, he travelled on Sunday, was due back Wednesday, and didn't make it back till 4 days after that. Yes it was irritating and a bit inconvenient, but it wasn't unreasonable, it was just one of those things.

You obviously don't like the company, or how it's run, or how he is treated, and you may have very good reasons for that, but this particular request is shouldn't really be one of them.

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