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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH's Job Making Unreasonable Demands

139 replies

LessMissAbs · 16/12/2013 08:43

DH's boss sent him a text message yesterday afternoon (Sunday) asking him to go to South Korea leaving at midday today for the week before Christmas, back next weekend.

It isn't even his job. Its one of the two service engineers, but neither of them "want to go". DH is the design engineer.

As well as inconveniencing DH hugely, this means when I fly back myself (currently working abroad) next Saturday, there will be no-one to meet me at the airport, and I will have to get to our inlaws 200 miles away on public transport.

Fed up with being inconvenienced by DH's job.

OP posts:
SarahBumBarer · 16/12/2013 09:44

How are you subsidising his job? It is for YOUR employers to pay the costs of YOU getting to and from airports. Apparently what you are grumpy about is DH's employers making it impossible for DH to subsidise YOUR job?

MrsLouisTheroux · 16/12/2013 09:46

So you work abroad, get a train allowance for return journey, don't have DC to worry about, he is returning in time for Christmas. I don't see the problem as long as he wants to go.

Poloholo · 16/12/2013 09:48

It would not be unreasonable for himn to push back and say that the service engineers should go and expect a good reason as to why he should go instead. He needs to be a bit careful because if he rolls over too easily it will always be him who goes.

QuintessentialShadows · 16/12/2013 09:49

I think the real problem is that you dont want to face his inlaws without him.

Not after the french chalet palaver with his juvenile sister. I dont blame you. But dont blame his employer for this!

Chivetalking · 16/12/2013 09:54

£50K isn't highly paid?!

At that level companies can and do make demands on their employee's time. Most contracts will be for the job to be done and overtime or time in lieu won't come into the equation.

He's back well before Christmas so I can't see an issue there. The issue is how and why the other two whose job it should be have been allowed to say no.

akachan · 16/12/2013 09:55

They are BVU to assume that someone on £50k would have a non-working spouse when there are no children.

This does happen to me sometimes, although I have never been given quite so little notice. It does irritate me but it really is part of my job and if it happened to fall while I would have been home alone anyway I would consider that quite good timing.

throwingstones · 16/12/2013 09:57

And I don't see why I should end up subsidising DH's employers

Not sure I can agree with your logic here, how is your situation any different to what it would have been if you were single?

Lesshastemorespeed · 16/12/2013 09:58

Does he want to go?

soverylucky · 16/12/2013 09:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

desertmum · 16/12/2013 10:00

I really don't see the problem - you travel for your company so they should pay expenses getting to and from the airport. I know it's hard being apart and looking forward to seeing each other again - very disappointing that it's been delayed, but it's only for a few days and they will pass quickly as you prepare for Christmas. A reunion at PILs house won't be so romantic I guess, but could you meet him halfway between their house the and airport on his return and have a night away together ? Gives you something to look forward to.

TeWiSavesTheDay · 16/12/2013 10:02

Most engineering companies are not particularly well run IME. They have other things in their mind!

50k is good for a permanent contract unless he is a manager of some kind. He would get more as a contracter.

24hrs is not enough notice though, and he needs to start learning to say No or employers will assume he is fine with how things are run.

WilsonFrickett · 16/12/2013 10:05

How's he going to get a visa in such a short period of time?

TheDoctrineOfSanta · 16/12/2013 10:07

I think it's less about the last minute travel and more about the fact that the two people whose job it is have said no

However - they may have family commitments, working spouses etc too.

In my first job I got paid half of what your DH was an had to do long trips at the drop of a hat with no extra pay - I got put of that line of work!

Are you deliberately returning to an airport nearer your in laws than home? Can you change your ticket to home and then you drive and pick DH up on Sunday?

tanukiton · 16/12/2013 10:07

Book a taxi! It is great walk off plane man waiting helps with the bags. My mum always does this for me (as a treat)when I fly with the kids, tis lovely. Ohh and Korean food is great.

ShinyBlackNose · 16/12/2013 10:12

I don't understand why your husband has to go if it's not his job. Why can't he refuse if the people whose job it actually is has refused?

If your husband is unhappy with his job is he looking for new one?

If your husband is agreeing to go when he isn't obliged to surely it's him you should be annoyed with.

My employer is brutal in it's attitude to it's employees. Our private lives are inconsequential, it's needs come first. Not my opinion, my employer's stated one.

And BTW £50,000 is quite a lot to get paid.

Joysmum · 16/12/2013 10:19

I feel your pain. My hubby has a well paid job, well paid but for this he's bought and paid for. He works long unpredictable hours and is often away with no notice.

That's why I'm a SAHM. It pays for that and we are lucky but I resent it. I resent the fact that my partner doesn't have a job that allows me to have a career too without resorting to childcare and for us still to have enough family time.

ihatethecold · 16/12/2013 10:28

You should try being married to a police officer. Short notice cancellation of rest days, annual leave refused, very long working days. Rotas being constantly changed.
Now that is one job where they completely disregard family life.
I can't really see what your beef is, you sound precious.

TheDoctrineOfSanta · 16/12/2013 10:50

Joys, is it time for your DH to make a different choice?

My DH should really be on long term projects abroad half the week. Instead he chose an office based role at his firm. He's paid less than those in his firm who travel but the difference is nothing compared to the reduction in our post-tax household income if only one of us worked.

Metebelis3 · 16/12/2013 11:38

Chive No, it isn't.

TeWiSavesTheDay · 16/12/2013 11:43

It is a very good wage. It's twice the UK average!

Whether it's enough to compensate for the travel, or what he could get more elsewhere in his field with better terms is a different question.

sparechange · 16/12/2013 11:48

Working away the week before Christmas - perfectly reasonable. The world doesn't stop because it is Christmas soon Confused
Travelling at short notice - perfectly reasonable if that is how his industry worked and what he signed up to when he took the job
Being sent away because others refused and he doesn't have the balls/lack of manners/career-limiting intentions of his colleagues - I'm 50/50. In some respects, yes it is unreasonable that they can get away with saying no and he can't, but he is the boss and that is the sort of responsibility you take on. Covering for your team when they can't do stuff

But you complaining about being inconvenienced because you haven't got a free lift from the airport Shock

Metebelis3 · 16/12/2013 11:55

TeWi Do you understand how averages work?

It's not a good wage in an absolute sense (this doesn't mean it's a BAD wage, mind you). It's especially not a good wage for the sort of job that requires this kind of long haul travel. Long haul travel usually brings with it a premium either in terms of salary or perks (some lowish paid jobs (e.g. Nanny to the rich) can involve a lot of long haul travel where the worker gets to live lavish lifestyle, which makes up for the wage in one sense. OPs husband does not have that sort of job).

PosyNarker · 16/12/2013 11:59

Why is whether the other men have families or might have Xmas shows to go to remotely relevant?

24hrs is a bit much tbh if it's a regular thing. With a location that far away his work should be a bit more organised unless someone pulled out at the last minute.

SolomanDaisy · 16/12/2013 12:03

I think it is crap of his employers. My DH travels a lot with work and I'd be pissed off if they wanted him to go to south Korea tomorrow. It's a long trip and involves jet lag too, though if he's going Seoul there are plenty of direct flights. Can he insist on business class flights to minimise the jet lag? Why have the others refused to travel? I'd be v pissed off if they were sending your husband because the others were worried about political instability in the region.

Lesshastemorespeed · 16/12/2013 12:07

Op, did he go?