DH's Job Making Unreasonable Demands

[LessMissAbs]

DH's boss sent him a text message yesterday afternoon (Sunday) asking him to go to South Korea leaving at midday today for the week before Christmas, back next weekend.

It isn't even his job. Its one of the two service engineers, but neither of them "want to go". DH is the design engineer.

As well as inconveniencing DH hugely, this means when I fly back myself (currently working abroad) next Saturday, there will be no-one to meet me at the airport, and I will have to get to our inlaws 200 miles away on public transport.

Fed up with being inconvenienced by DH's job.

I am as amazed as Glasgow that a professional engineer, who is having to make arrangements to be leaving in 24 hours, isn't allowed to text or email.

Surely any reasonable employer would allow employees to sort out their domestic arrangements during working hours under the circumstances.

And yes, of course he gets a higher than average salary. He is higher qualified than the average person, and has more marketable skills. That still doesn't mean its a good idea for him to do stuff he isn't paid to do or go anywhere in the world at a moment's notice

Well, yes but you previously said he wasn't that highly paid and stopped there.

Lots of people travel and do extra hours in their own time or whatever. As I said before contracts may stipulate that the pay is for the job as a whole not an hourly rate which means doing whatever it takes to get the job done.

Has your OH addressed why the other engineers have got out of the trip with his employer? That is the heart of the issue as has been repeatedly said. That and looking for another job where the conditions suit everyone better if he thinks he's being taken for a ride.

Obviously he's having an affair with a South Korean.

You laugh but I know of a rl case of this. But was a Thai woman. He had a whole other family

It's inconvenient but it's not the end of the world. I remember DH going abroad for 2 months at a few days notice when DS was v young - I just had to get on with it (& yes, I worked too). Depending on why the person had a medical appointment they may not have been fit to travel and perhaps the colleague with children wanted to attend some Christmas events. I would say, however, it would be good if they covered for him, say on New Year's Eve or Valentine's Day or some other time he wants to take off.

I sit down with my colleagues with young children and we plan our holidays /cover together - surely that's just being considerate.

Your comment about the airport made me think of the film, When Harry Met Sally; one of the characters advises Harry never to take his girlfriend to the airport because there will come a time when he can't and she will moan.

I think the issue with your DH saying yes, being taken for granted and becoming deskilled is a real one. I don't think it will necessarily be cured by a change of employer, if he is not prepared and confident to push back (or to insist in business class, or even to insist he phones his wife before leaving the country for a week).

It's outrageous that he can't make personal calls or emails AND has a job that expects him to be out of the country. IMO those are two sides of the same coin. If the employer wants flexibility from employees, then they should certainly allow communication with home; if the employer wants 9-5 Mon-Fri or strictly regular hours, then no flying to exotic locations at short notice.

YANBU OP. Good luck with it all.

The person you should be annoyed with is your DH OP, not his employers particularly.

They asked a question, he was at liberty ( as were the other engineers) to say No I can't, or Yes - but only if you book me on business class so I will be definitely back for Christmas ( although you do realise it's not until next Wednesday so I expect even with delays he will make it as he has 4 days spare) or Yes - I can do it, but we will be out of pocket as I was going to pick up LessMisAbs from the airport, so can you cover those costs as well please. The fact that he appears to have done none of those things is not his employers fault.

Is your DH overly annoyed about this or is it primarily you? Is your annoyance about the travelling or that you feel he should be getting more money.

TBH you seem a bit overly invested in all this. It's his job - let him decide how to handle it, perhaps he doesn't mind and he is excited and likes to be needed. I could see if you had DCs that yes it would be almost impossible for you to work as well with his schedule, but you don't and you have a high powered job too that requires travel, so I can't quite see what the issue is.

I remember when DH and I were engaged. He worked for a demanding US company at the time ( in fact not sure if there are any non demanding US companies) they flew him back from India business class on one of those bed things, but made him put in a full days work at the London office on his return. I was fuming on his behalf and ranting at my father, who pointed out that DH had done rather well in his career so far and perhaps I should leave him to fight his own battles.

If this is about missing him and wanting to see him at the airport, that's slightly different, but tbh I'm just getting annoyance that you need to arrange your own travel and potentially spend time on your own with your in-laws.

Being well qualified and working hard doesn't automatically equal a salary of £50,000. Plenty of people have good qualifications and slog their guts out in unforgiving industries for less. It annoys me when the assumption seems to be made that anyone on a smaller salary hasn't studied and is a bit lazy.

WTF is it always assumed that the childfree/childless will want (or can be placated with New Years Eve off) Not all childless ppl are drinkers or even want to go out on NYE.
It may be the case that they have elderly relatives they wish to spend Xmas with.

Darkesteyes, that's why I suggested colleagues sit down and discuss the important times for them and try to reach an agreement. Not everyone celebrates Christmas for example; some people in my office want to work between Christmas and the new year, although I'm not sure whether they tell their relatives they have volunteered to work.

So did he go ? does he often take up the jobs other's don't want? tbh I think your issue is more with him than the company , if there is no obligation to do so . Also from his pov , you aren n't around this week so he may as well be away . Can you not go home and await his return before heading off to il's ?

Just read your posts throughout again OP and you really do like being arsey don't you? You are constantly moaning about your DH's job ( a well paid job ), his trip has not seen you out of pocket at all because your company pay for transport and your DH obviously felt able and willing to go.
You are p'd off because he won't be there at your beck and call when you arrive back at the airport.

I'm not sure how much choice the OP's DH felt that he had. Cheap flights and short notice do seem to indicate a company on its way down the Swanee.

As other posters have said business travel is all too often a chore not a perk. Uncomfortable travel (even if you get to fly business or first it aint that great), dodgy tummy, inappropriate hotels (oh yes, the local thin-walled honeymoon hotel was just the place for a single business traveler).

It also often does leave the business traveler out of pocket in all sorts of small ways:- books to while away dull hours, coffee (after coffee after coffee) while waiting for flights, expensive drinks which company wont pay for.

Worry I agree with the cheap flights, I have never heard of companies doing that. Short notice is pretty usual though. DH got three days notice of a six week trip recently but he was in business class on all flights and was put up in decent hotels.

He hates all the travelling but needs must at the moment. On the plus side he does feel appreciated and we get looked after well by the company.

Cerisier - my company is def not on the way down, but we have a global ban on business class, and even economy plus is very tightly controlled (over 8 hours only, and is price sensitive). Not great, esp when I had to go to Perth for 3 days in economy, but the cost savings are unarguable tbh

It happens, get over it. It's not the end of the world. My husband travelled constantly for years ( and no he didn't have another family elsewhere lol) - it's a pain in the arse at times, he was away for my 40th so we celebrated a week later, he has missed anniversaries, birthdays and the odd school play (and yes despite this he is a great father) but it is HIS job and HIS choice. On the back of this we have a nice life and I am able to be (whispers) a SAHM. It's not over the Christmas period it's before and unless you are very religious and the religious build up of Christmas is important to you not a big deal I would think. My husband works away full time now and will hopefully arrive here on 24th December - just praying the weather stays good and there is no fog to reroute flights, but if there is a problem we will delay Christmas day until he is here. It is what it is, he has made his decision and now you both have to get on with it. There are far, far worse things that could be happening in your life the week before Christmas - be grateful you are both fit and healthy and have good jobs and each other. There are many many people out there who would love to be in your situation. Have a cup of tea and chill out and have a wonderful Christmas.

That's interesting CMOT, but what state are people in if they have just flown from HK to Houston (for example) in economy, they can hardly be expected to just walk into meetings, they will be shattered.

You just manage tbh. We get to keep our airmiles etc so you are expected to use those to upgrade yourself. Which is easier on the US carriers of course.

Long haul travel usually brings with it a premium either in terms of salary or perks

Not sure I agree with this. OH was doing long-haul travel as a graduate engineer, when living in London on 17k!

I agree with you CMOT. It's an easy saving, lots of companies aren't keen on business class anymore.

DesertMom you quite rightly point out what you get out of supporting your DH's job. But I get nothing out of supporting DH's job. I earn more than him so whats the point? Mayve if it afforded me some fabulous lifestyle or sonething i might feel differently but I remember all too well until recently having to cover his business expenses on my card because his own credit card was maxed out, before he was issued with a company refit card. And yes its a minor thing in the grand scheme of things, but im having to change my plans due to his job.

In fact the short notice has only come about because two other employees are refusing to do their jobs because its near Christmas. He isnt paid to go off half way round the world at less than a days notice to fix things, he is paid to wprk 9-6 5 days a week yo design things.Yes he works late and weekends sometimes, because he is conscientious. And because its not his job, acting as a service engineer is doing his career no good whatsoever.

The company are damn lucky he has stepped in to do this trip. I can't believe he is having to do part of it on bloody Ryanair. He would clearly struggle to have DCs and do this job without a stay at home wife.

But its his problem that none of this is going to help his career in the future.

I think it's bull shit he's gone on non-direct flights and didn't even sort out either business class flights or TOILfot the travel/shirt notice/jet lag/inconvenience.

It's also redic he didn't man up and say 'you have asked me to travel at short notice, as a favour to the company because the two employees who's job this is have refused to go. I have agreed to go, out of goodwill. However I now need to spend some time putting my personal affairs in order and need to call my wife, and go home and pack'.

His company sound bad, but he should stand up for himself a bit. If his company ante so inflexible he shouldn't bend over and take it from them.

The reason he doesn't text or phone me while at work is because he got an oral warning for making personal calls on his mobile during working hours. Eg banking, builders (currently renovating house). Which was quite an achievement considering there's barely a mobile phone signal in the building. He was pretty shocked, hence now makes absolutely no calls, emails, texts, etc at all.

well can you look at it as supporting him rather than his job ? he has said he will go and now you both have to live with it. Try to let it go and have a good Christmas - if you fume over this all the time he is away when he returns you could end up taking out your frustrations on him and have a grotty time. (been there, and got that t-shirt). I do understand how hard it is really - but having made the decision all you can do now is go with the flow. Support him, accept you have to change your plans and have a great Christmas. Who knows, maybe this will make his employers see him in a new light and promote him/give him a pay rise/ bonus whatever. Alternatively it might make him look for a new job with better benefits etc. But it is done and he is going (has gone?).

Sounds like you need to take the hit on this one and when he's back and you've both had a couple of days to unwind over Christmas use it as a springboard to encourage him to get a better job. TBH it sounds as though your problem with his workplace goes way, way beyond this one demand and that's what you need to discuss with him.