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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH's Job Making Unreasonable Demands

139 replies

LessMissAbs · 16/12/2013 08:43

DH's boss sent him a text message yesterday afternoon (Sunday) asking him to go to South Korea leaving at midday today for the week before Christmas, back next weekend.

It isn't even his job. Its one of the two service engineers, but neither of them "want to go". DH is the design engineer.

As well as inconveniencing DH hugely, this means when I fly back myself (currently working abroad) next Saturday, there will be no-one to meet me at the airport, and I will have to get to our inlaws 200 miles away on public transport.

Fed up with being inconvenienced by DH's job.

OP posts:

Cerisier · 17/12/2013 12:55

Another vote for looking for a new job ASAP. There is a huge demand for engineers around the world and he should be able to find somewhere that treats him like a professional. If he is expected to go off for a week and not get evenings/weekends at home then in return he should be able to make some phone calls from work at some point during the day.

lessonsintightropes · 17/12/2013 14:57

OP I know where you are coming from - DH and I are in a very similar position - and I have been supportive to a degree but had tried to pursuade him not to take the job in the first place as I know others who worked for the same firm. He has been miserable for the year he's been there and is now, thank God, looking for something else. Hope yours does too.

TheDoctrineOfSanta · 17/12/2013 15:27

OP, I am pretty sure that a verbal warming for making personal calls to builders and bankers doesn't cover a call to your wife to say you'll be away for a week.

glasgowsteven · 17/12/2013 18:09

OP, I am pretty sure that a verbal warming for making personal calls to builders and bankers doesn't cover a call to your wife to say you'll be away for a week.

I agree with this.

That is different to what you said earlier

He isn't allowed to text, phone or send personal emails during working hours, so he can't reply to me unless he gets a lunch break.

He could maybe go to the bathroom and then send a text then - leaving for SK later....

With a wife as a lawyer he is very lucky as I am sure his company must give a lot of oral warnings for making calls and texts during the working day, unless he is not treated in a consistent way to others....

rookietherednosedreindeer · 17/12/2013 19:21

Why did you put his expenses on your credit card ?

You could have said No which would have meant that your DH would have to speak to his employers about it.
Or again your DH could have said No, just as he could have done to this trip.

Agreed his company doesn't sound great, but you seem to have very fixed ideas about what he should be doing for his (higher tax band) salary, even though he is in a different occupation from yourself.

I suspect that even if your DH was in a different company the same issues would still arise as he appears to be conflict avoidant, which is probably why he wasn't in a rush to tell you he was going to SK.

He's a grown man, he can decide for himself if he wants to change job. Yes it's inconveniencing you somewhat on this occasion, but surely your employers will recompense you for a taxi to get home from the airport.

Original poster

LessMissAbs · 17/12/2013 21:04

Hmmm GlasgowSteven the verbal warning came shortly after a medical procedure he had...again another reason im not keen on this company. Have seen too many companies pave the way for sacking people in this manner. He has now fully recovered and actually returned to work after two weeks though signed off for six. Am suspicious the verbal warning resulted from a complaint made by his junior who was after his job, but has since left for a higher salary elsewhere.

Anyway, he literally darent be seen texting at work now. Despite some other employees having Facebook open all day. There's hardly any mobile phone signal anyway.

Actually though this is standard in several legal firms I've worked for - no personal texts or mobile phones in the office, except in the direst emergency.

I agree with some of the posts re he should man up etc, but I can't do it for him!

DH is now in SK in a hotel room with a heated toilet seat!

OP posts:

Gryffindor · 17/12/2013 21:52

Abs

Both DH and I travel regularly for work and I think you have been unfairly given a rough time on this thread. In the circumstances, with this trip not being his job to do, it is unreasonable of them to expect him to pick up the slack on less than 24 hours notice - and yes this is exacerbated when it is so close to Christmas. He should have been able to say no.

The thing about the corporate card is bad too. It took a while for my card to arrive, and in that time it was a PITA for me to pay lots of expenses and then wait for our painfully slow expense procedure to pay out. In that month I was owed over £800 which even on a good salary can be a pinch to cover.

missfliss · 17/12/2013 21:59

I can see where you are coming from OP. By the sounds of it, should you have DC in the future, both of you working ( as things are now) wouldn't necessarily be sustainable.

UptheChimney · 18/12/2013 12:39

LessMissAbs I really get where you're coming from on this whole thread, and I'm a bit hmmmm about people who say you're overinvested. He's your husband, FGS, and this sort of bad management (his company's not him) obviously has an effect on you.

His company sounds VVU.

But I know myself what it's like: try being an academic who's required to have an "international career" but whose university won't pay for it. I have a colleague who regularly flies long haul, has a disability and suffers from DVT. Will they pay for Business Class? Oh no no no.

Employers can be really rubbish about travel, and frankly SAHMs or those who don't travel for their work have little idea about how tiring it can be.

Cerisier · 19/12/2013 12:31

I agree UptheChimney, I know BC is expensive but I think companies do have a responsibility to think about the health of their employees as well as the company bottom line. DH who is 6 foot 2 regularly travels HK to the USA and it is 32 hours door to door. Thank goodness he is in business class as there is no way he could cope in economy. I feel for your poor colleague, that is very shabby treatment. The DVT can be a killer, so I am very surprised at the employer's behaviour.

glasgowsteven · 22/12/2013 17:11

Is he back yet

Original poster

LessMissAbs · 22/12/2013 20:27

Thanks for asking! He is back, remarkably no flight delays. He's absolutely exhausted and has picked up a cold. He had 3 days working 9 - 9 in SK and fixed the problem, and was rather interestingly sitting surrounded on the plane by manufacturing engineers who were being flown to SK for a contract over Christmas, who were moaning about only getting paid double time!

He did ask the MD whether he could expect extra remuneration for the trip and was told they "don't have provision for that". Company is on its last legs and from what he's told me, it doesn't take a genius to work out that the management team's strategy has been a rather poor one. This carry on is part of it. I can't believe I wasn't able to speak to him properly before he rushed off to SK. He is looking for a new job.

OP posts:

TheDoctrineOfSanta · 22/12/2013 20:31

LMA, he might have better luck asking for TOIL than for extra pay.

glasgowsteven · 23/12/2013 10:57

A happy ending for all concerned...

except his company!

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