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Original poster

To not understand why people react insensitively to the gender of your child

113 replies

middleclassdystopia · 15/12/2013 20:25

Pregnant with dc3, have a boy and a girl. Just found out this one is a girl.

It's really struck me this time how het up people get about gender/finding out the gender.

Some seem to presume because we found out that we had a preference and get a bit touchy. For example some family member's response was 'is it what you wanted?' rather than oh lovely a little girl, which is what I would say (or lovely a boy if it is a boy).

We found out because I really enjoyed knowing with my dc2. I do not think my decision to find out means I had a preference or that i'm critical of those who prefer to wait and find out on the day. Surely it's just a personal choice?

It's also struck me that some seem to presume we are disappointed in a girl. That my dh would have liked another boy Confused

OP posts:
PenguinsDontEatStollen · 15/12/2013 20:27

You just try already having two or more of the same gender, then you'd be getting some real corkers...

People say stupid things because people say stupid things and have ridiculous stereotypes about what a family 'should be'. See also comments on age gaps, number of kids, etc, etc.

Honestly just ignore or you'll go mad.

nf1morethanjustlumpsandbumps · 15/12/2013 20:32

I don't get it either, remember telling friend's we were having a boy and one saying "awk I'm sorry to hear that". We found out the gender by complete accident as it was very clear from the scans.

After almost losing DS during my pregnancy, labour and with his complicated health issues whether or not a penis was or was not present was the least of my worries.

specialsubject · 15/12/2013 20:32

I'd just respond 'what a silly comment, did you mean that?' smile and walk away.

good luck and congratulations on all three!

AmberLeaf · 15/12/2013 20:33

God yes, when you are pregnant with your 3rd boy you get all the Sad faces.

Original poster
middleclassdystopia · 15/12/2013 20:36

Yes I have a friend who has three girls. The comments were unbelievable. They are three wonderful kids with their own unique personality, loved and cherished. Yes by dad too.

I understand gender disappointment can be real and i'm not judging. I just get annoyed with people projecting what they think is the ideal family onto others and being very insensitive.

It's also sexist. My dh cherishes our dd just as much as ds. They share a love of wildlife and the outdoors. Ds and I love fantasy.

It's this idea that dad will kick a ball around with ds and mum will shop with dd. It drives me insane.

OP posts:
cardibach · 15/12/2013 20:37

I countersigned a passport form for my neighbours third child today. They are all boys. She was saying that people had actually 'commiserated' with her after the birth of the little one. Unbelievable!

Original poster
middleclassdystopia · 15/12/2013 20:38

And how fucking horrible to respond with 'oh i'm sorry' Angry

OP posts:
Pepperandhotmilk · 15/12/2013 20:39

Yeah I don't get it either. I remember my sister saying, when she was pregnant with her third after two girls, that her husband wanted a boy, and she felt pressure to produce 'the boy'. Sad

My DH and I had a girl, and he was so mesmerised by her that he actually didn't want any more children...she was enough. So I think that is when I REALLY felt for my sister. That some men can be so crap, and she is married to one of them.

PenguinsDontEatStollen · 15/12/2013 20:41

I have a friend who recently had her third boy. After he was born, she said to me "Yes, it's another boy" in a tone that suggested she'd had some stupid comments. I really felt for her as she's quite sensitive. I just brightly responded "Oooh, how lovely, what's his name".

SkinnybitchWannabe · 15/12/2013 20:44

Ive been blessed with 3 sons and constantly get the 'oh dear' comments and I've lost count of how many times I've been told to have another go because I might 'get lucky this time'.
I was chatting to a customer at work once, I'm a cashier and when I told her I'd got 3 boys she replied that I must be sad that I'm going to miss out on all the shopping trips as I haven't got a daughter!! Omfg

PumpkinPie2013 · 15/12/2013 20:44

I don't understand it either Confused

I've recently had my first child - a lovely little boy and we didn't find out what we were having (just personal choice)

All through my pregnancy I got people saying 'do you want a boy or girl?' and 'do you have a preference?'

Some looked genuinely shocked when I said we would be thrilled either way!

I love my little boy to bits but if he'd been a girl I would have loved her the same.

rachyconks · 15/12/2013 20:45

I have had this several times during my current pregnancy (DC2). We chose not to find out the gender, and already have a DD. I could not care less what we have, but all I've heard is, "oh wouldn't you love a boy this time". Or "I bet you are hoping for a boy to complete the family". I really don't understand it! Quite frankly it's rude!

Original poster
middleclassdystopia · 15/12/2013 20:47

People presume this pregnancy was an accident because I have one of each!

I love the child not the gender. Why can't you understand that fuckwit?!

OP posts:
NewtRipley · 15/12/2013 20:49

Yes, i agree OP

It is unimaginative and stereotyping to have opinions about what boys and girls are like, as well as being insesnitive to project those opinions and disappointments onto you.

Ignore.

snowed · 15/12/2013 20:50

YANBU

WhereIsMyHat · 15/12/2013 20:51

I have three boys, you can just imagine the comments, I don't have to write them here. It gets fucking boring after the first time.

MadAsFish · 15/12/2013 20:53

Oh yes. We have one child, and whenI was pregnant, and before we found out, we had a slight, very marginal preference for a girl, but didn't really care, of course. At the time we were living next door to a big, very traditional Mediterranean family who, when they asked and I told them boy, said 'Oh your husband must be so pleased'.
Argh.

IsabellaRockerfeller · 15/12/2013 20:55

Oh yes, I have two boys and have lost count of the number of times I've been asked "are you going to try for a girl?"

WTF!

HandragsNGladbags · 15/12/2013 20:56

I have 2 DD's and am 20 weeks with dc3. We're not finding out the gender.

Had people as me if I'm "trying for a boy"? Bit of a bloody risk if I was Grin

And no we're not

Budgiegirlbob · 15/12/2013 20:57

When I gave birth to my second son, a person who I considered a good friend actually said to me 'Oh dear, never mind, will you try again?'

And when I was pregnant with my third after having two boys, I lost count of the number of people who said that I MUST be hoping for a girl this time. I genuinely didn't care about the gender of any of my babies, I know it's a cliche but I just wanted healthy, happy babies.

I learned just to smile weakly and say 'I don't mind', but I always got the impression they thought I must be lying.

Spookey80 · 15/12/2013 21:00

I'm pg with dc3 and have a boy and girl already. I am shocked by how many people assume this pregancy is unplanned, all because we already have 'one of each'. So many people have asked me if 'it' was an accident!
So rude!

Jellymum1 · 15/12/2013 21:00

I am actually dreading my 20 week scan! We have a daughter already and absolutely every person so far has said awk how lovely if you have a boy or i bet its a boy or oooh hope its a boy ect ect ect i really want to know because i liked knowling last time but im seriously thinking im not telling anyone!

DramaAlpaca · 15/12/2013 21:01

I have three boys. The youngest is 16 and I will be 50 next year. I still get people asking me if I'm going to try again for a girl Confused.

luluscadoo · 15/12/2013 21:02

When we found out that dc2 was going to be a girl nearly everyone's response was the same.

"Oh good it won't matter if she's ginger then" (dp has red hair)

Hmm Gee wizz thanks

EthethethethChrisWaddle · 15/12/2013 21:03

I have 5 boys. I still get asked if I'm going to try again for a girl, my youngest is 6 now. I have never ever tried for a certain sex.

A complete stranger looked at my youngest in his pram when I was out with all my boys and said "Another boy, how disappointing." I could have decked her, calling my lovely newborn a disappointment!

When I was pg my SIL said if it was another boy I'd have to send him back, she wanted a niece (obviously the 3 nieces she already had weren't good enough?)

I only ever offer my congratulations at any pregnancy or birth announcement.