To not understand why people react insensitively to the gender of your child

[middleclassdystopia]

Pregnant with dc3, have a boy and a girl. Just found out this one is a girl.

It's really struck me this time how het up people get about gender/finding out the gender.

Some seem to presume because we found out that we had a preference and get a bit touchy. For example some family member's response was 'is it what you wanted?' rather than oh lovely a little girl, which is what I would say (or lovely a boy if it is a boy).

We found out because I really enjoyed knowing with my dc2. I do not think my decision to find out means I had a preference or that i'm critical of those who prefer to wait and find out on the day. Surely it's just a personal choice?

It's also struck me that some seem to presume we are disappointed in a girl. That my dh would have liked another boy

Madmammy

The only reaction I have to announcements of pregnancy, birth, name etc is 'congratulations, how lovely!'

It's not hard is it, you don't need a fucking degree in social etiquette

I have 3 girls and I've lost count of the number of times I've had people say: "never fancied trying for a boy then??"
What they don't know is that we did have a son, but he died whilst I was in labour. I do wish people would think sometimes...

A friend of mine, when faced with the "what are you having?" question always replied "oh, just the one!" I pinched her line, and found it a very useful alternative to "mind your own beeswax!"

I have 4 boys, you can imagine the comments I get

evilme

so sorry for your loss.

when I expected DS5 and was bombarded with the same I did actually tell people:
"well, as our daughter died before she was born I really only care that I have a healthy baby - but I do apologise for the inconvenience it causes you that I only have boys so far."

fuck them all. stupid twats

Evil so sorry about your DS

ellie

been there!

actually when I was pg with DS5 my DS2 just wanted to make sure it's not going to be a crocodile!
imagine!

Evil

DB2 was born very prem 40 years ago by emergency CS. Him and my DM weren't expected to survive.

Her neighbour who had a boy and a girl commiserated with DM for having another boy as she had (the neighbour) "the pigeon pair".

I'll never know how DM didn't clonk her one!

Three sons here.

I did have gender preference all three times ( to the poster who thinks I should have adopted - I'm not such a twat as to let anyone I know get a clue as to what my preferences were, let alone the DC themselves) so I have always been particularly sensitive to any comments on the desirability or otherwise of our family shape.

I just try to bear in mind that the content of anything anyone says is just based on the projection of their own preferences; and the fact that they comment at all Is based on their bad manners.

I have an idea of what the perfect family looks like (boy first), and have therefore always felt momentarily slightly irrationally sad for anyone who has a girl first. But I know that's irrational and completely personal to me, so I would never let them know, and in any case I know they'd be startled and baffled by my concern.

There is something positive to be said about any family shape (whether the number of DC, the spacing, the sex) and the only permissible comment on being told about someone else's family shape draws on those positives.

I personally don't get the angst over admitting to having a gender preference. Both dh and I wanted our first to be a boy and he was. Dh was slightly disappointed when we then had a dd but of course now he is over the moon. With dc3 we both wanted another boy and again thats what we had.

Bil is sad that he had had 2 dd's and no ds-he loves his dd's but will happily admit to this.

I know of a women who had 3 ds and was quite open about wanting a dd. Her dc4 was a girl and then dc5 was another boy! Another friend of mine had 3 dd's,really wanted a boy,had one and then has since gone on to have 2 more dd's!

You will love your children no matter what but perfectly normal to wonder what might have been imo.

Expecting second boy here and all comments have been overwhelmingly positive. I get the impression people were going to be delighted for me either way whether I got one of each or the same again - I must just have very socially adept friends, family and acquaintances!

However, my MIL has had commiserations on not getting a granddaughter!! It astonished me that anyone would say anything other than 'congratulations'!

I know what you mean there.

I found out DDs gender because she was my first and I wanted to know what kind of clothes to get. Not that I am overly worried about whether clothes are gendered or not, but I liked to know for my own preparation.

I will probably do the same for DC2 but was honestly chuffed as long as I got one or the other.