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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not understand why people react insensitively to the gender of your child

113 replies

middleclassdystopia · 15/12/2013 20:25

Pregnant with dc3, have a boy and a girl. Just found out this one is a girl.

It's really struck me this time how het up people get about gender/finding out the gender.

Some seem to presume because we found out that we had a preference and get a bit touchy. For example some family member's response was 'is it what you wanted?' rather than oh lovely a little girl, which is what I would say (or lovely a boy if it is a boy).

We found out because I really enjoyed knowing with my dc2. I do not think my decision to find out means I had a preference or that i'm critical of those who prefer to wait and find out on the day. Surely it's just a personal choice?

It's also struck me that some seem to presume we are disappointed in a girl. That my dh would have liked another boy

OP posts:

EthethethethChrisWaddle · 15/12/2013 21:04

Oh no DramaAlpaca please don't tell me I've still got years of this to go!

Jellymum1 · 15/12/2013 21:05

Why do people think they can just say these things lol. I dont think i ever did?

Original poster

middleclassdystopia · 15/12/2013 21:07

I teach my kids a bit of gender politics. When asked if he wanted a brother to play knights and castles with, my ds replied 'my sister likes knights and castles.'

OP posts:

ilovesmurfs · 15/12/2013 21:08

Oh the comments are crap and annoying, I try to think that most people are just trying to make conversation and don't mean anything by it..

I have four boys and no 5 was a girl, I got lots of poor you etc with boys 3 and 4 and utter delight when we had dd. I didnt care about the gender at all, we wanted four, no five was a bit of a bonus but so many assume we kept going to get a girl...umm no!

Tbh I would have another if we could afford it.

My dd has just turned three and I still get comments on how pleased we must be to finally have a girl..

LisaMWill · 15/12/2013 21:08

I have 2 girls and 28 weeks pregnant with another girl. I wanted 3 children, totally not bothered by the sex. The comments I have had are shocking. 'Never mind there's always next time' 'oh no, your poor husband' or my personal favorite 'well let's think of the positives...'

DramaAlpaca · 15/12/2013 21:11

Ethel I also got the "another boy, how disappointing" line from a so-called friend after DS3 arrived. Grrr!!

MarlenaGru · 15/12/2013 21:12

I am pregnant with DC2 and have a DD. Everyone assumes my Dh wants a boy. He really, really doesn't and would actually prefer a girl as him and DD are so close. They are off skiing together this week! I am completely indifferent too.

BlessedAssurance · 15/12/2013 21:26

I am 25 weeks pregnant with DC2,a boy. DC1 is a girl.When people found out i was expecting the comments were horrible. Oh, you are hoping for a boy, no you twat, i just want another child. In fact i wanted a girl but was equally pleased when he turned out to be a boy. Another daft comment was your husband must be happy. Why would he be happy and not i? I was more thrilled because DH thinks the sun and moon rise out of our DD's being.i have been also told that i don't need to have any more children because i have one of each, bastards, i want more and shall decide when to stop..

Original poster

middleclassdystopia · 15/12/2013 21:26

My dh has such a lovely relationship with dd . I've never been shopping with her either

OP posts:

NinjaBunny · 15/12/2013 21:36

I think in situations like this it's okay to give people a little slap.

Not hard. But a quick reminder that their wankery is being vocalised.

You'd be doing them a favour in the long-run..!

BlessedAssurance · 15/12/2013 21:37

The most irritating question for me was what do you want? Boy or girl? As if i could decide. We wanted more than one child. Child being the magic word. Not girls only or boys only or both,just healthy babies. Is that so hard for people to grasp?

BlessedAssurance · 15/12/2013 21:38

ninja

brettgirl2 · 15/12/2013 21:48

I've got 2 girls and I detest shopping, oh dear

nevergoogle · 15/12/2013 21:49

i had this last night. drunken colleagues at christmas night out talking to my bump. 'please be a girl, please be a girl'. I'm stood there, sober as a judge thinking 'you twat, it's another boy'.

this will be our 3rd boy. and although i thought i would be disappointed, I'm really not.

MadAsFish · 15/12/2013 21:49

The most irritating question for me was what do you want? Boy or girl?

That's when you say 'actually, we were hoping for kittens'.

ilovecolinfirth · 15/12/2013 21:50

When I told my MIL that my 3 year old son kept telling me the baby would be a brother, she told me 'well he needs to learn that maybe mummy might like a girl'. Because it works like that doesn't it??!!

My son was right...a second son for us, and our little family feels perfect :)

NoComet · 15/12/2013 21:51

I have two girls and I have to confess that's exactly what me and my football hating DH wanted.

DD2 of course, sometimes, plays football and caused us to end up at the Olympics trying to stay awake during a woman's football match

NinjaBunny · 15/12/2013 21:52

i had this last night. drunken colleagues at christmas night out talking to my bump. 'please be a girl, please be a girl'. I'm stood there, sober as a judge thinking 'you twat, it's another boy'.

Oooo, that would've made a good work outing photo.

Her slurring stupidly at your tummy while you stand there like this:

I only have one child, that brings it's own set of questions..!

2Tinsellytocare · 15/12/2013 21:52

When I was pregnant with DC3 my SIL said 'urgh, what if its ANOTHER girl'

Cluesue · 15/12/2013 21:54

I am one of four girls so you can imagine what my mum had to contend with,my dad was a fuckwad who wanted a son(no contact after divorce),a freind of mine has 3 girls 3,2 and 3 months with another dick who won't bother with them because they are not boys,he was ok after the first but been abysmal since second,my friend has finally learned not to keep having sex with the moron.
I have 2 dd and when I found out the sex of dd2 I always felt compelled to mention I was happy it was another girl in the same breath.
But i'm guilty too.
Can still remember bumping into an old school friend and her mentioning she had 7 children,6 boys and a girl,the first thing out of my mouth was"I bet the girl's the youngest"
She was though,in my defence

Original poster

middleclassdystopia · 15/12/2013 21:55

Starballbunny

At best these comments are just lazy and tactless at worst they are sexist and lacking in imagination.

OP posts:

Amy106 · 15/12/2013 22:02

I don't understand why people do this either. People somehow feel that they are entitled to make all sort of silly and sometimes hurtful comments. I think the only reasonable comment is "Congratulations and best wishes."
The gender of the child is none of my business.

Egusta · 15/12/2013 22:03

When I was at school my friend was one of 5 boys. People, including my own DM used to click their tongues and shake their heads and say 'I guess they kept trying for a girl.... how sad...' and it used to drive me bonkers then.

I am an only, and my Ds is an only. You get comments about that too.

The sheer ignorance/insensitivity of people never fails to astound me.

Egusta · 15/12/2013 22:04

Oh, and congrats OP.

Swooning with jealousy as I would love to have another. :)

BlessedAssurance · 15/12/2013 22:04

Mind all these tactless comments are followed with bump grabbing and feeling. I can not describe the anger at strangers who grab my tummy without asking. Go away..

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