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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Some f**king old bag

246 replies

Mummasmurf · 15/12/2013 17:31

Is it me?

We moved towns in July and started going to the local church. I joined the choir in November (half of which can't sing). A few weeks ago one of the old bags shouted loudly that she wished my DD would stop running round. I glared at her. The "running round" was that she went to the back of the church and came back to tell the choir master it sounded "beautiful".

Tonight we were at a Christingle service (a kids service basically) and she loudly had a go again cos the DD stood up to have a look at the goings on.

I'm really pissed off at her and now I don't know whether I should bother going back. The other women said she was out of order and don't let it get to me. It's just that when it's your kids someone's having a go at it's worse than if she was having a go at me.

OP posts:

oldgrandmama · 16/12/2013 18:37

I'm a really REALLY f Old Bag. OP doesn't exactly sound full of Christmas Spirit (the nebulous, not the alcoholic, sort).
I've got pop-up ad. for Barclays.

TwistedRib · 16/12/2013 18:46

OP has gone...

zeeboo · 16/12/2013 18:48

I'm going to hoik my judgy pants high and say your thread title and subsequent post gives a clue to what kind of behaviour your child was exhibiting and it was probably far beyond 'kids being kids' and straying into 'brat'

YABU HTH

JollySantersSelectionBox · 17/12/2013 02:52

Complex you don't need to read the whole thread just the ops post again.

She lumped all the women there as old bags. This was one of the old bags. Ringleader bag

ThatVikRinA22 · 17/12/2013 03:03

maybe "some fucking old bag" is a compliment....like "that is some fucking old bag there that is".....

i live in hope. as a old bag.

echt · 17/12/2013 06:07

Another old one checking into the bagging area.

Fecking cheek.

Toadinthehole · 17/12/2013 06:23

My sympathies are with the OP. My church contains a similar phalanx of old ladies. And yes, it is a horrid epithet, but in my private moments I have been known to mutter about the Monstrous Regiment of O Bs. The children at my church are in general a well-behaved lot, but these people do not tolerate any noise from children at all, even to the extent of suggesting that children don't come to church - even if that means their parents can't come either.

The problem is that in their day, children sat still in church or got the strap. Happily, society has moved on. And while their old age entitles them to respect, in my opinion they should not abuse that respect by (as at my church) hissing at the children, making passive-aggressive asides at parents, or stymying the children's programme on Vestry.

curlew · 17/12/2013 06:25

"The problem is that in their day, children sat still in church or got the strap."

What, in the 1960s?

ItsIgginningToLookALotLikeXmas · 17/12/2013 06:43

Children were expected to sit in silence in church in the past. They were also largely expected to sit in silence in schools. Now they still need to behave appropriately in both settings, but that does not include acting as if they are invisible. I would never use the OB phrase but I certainly would be pissed off if someone tutted at my children, and it would stop me attending myself. And more churches close due to ageing populations and not enough families, so it just goes round and round.

oldbaghere · 17/12/2013 06:51

Why is it wrong to expect children to sit and behave appropriately in a setting where it is socially normal to show respect?

Golddigger · 17/12/2013 07:34

It isnt wrong oldbaghere.
But churches should be welcome and open to everyone.
Churches are there to help people along in their faith, and they cant help so much if people are not actually there.

Canthaveitall · 17/12/2013 07:41

Maybe the 'old bag' was fed up of your 'brat' .

kungfupannda · 17/12/2013 08:12

I'm not quite 40 yet, but would like to put myself forward for membership of the Old Bag Clique.

On the basis that I have such a massive and visible Werthers Orginals addiction (wrappers all over the car) that when I went into the garage with an unidentifiable warning light, they told me it was because I'd run out of Werthers.

ItsIgginningToLookALotLikeXmas · 17/12/2013 17:57

In what way should my 18 month old behave to show "respect"? In what way was it disrespectful for a child to stand up to get a better view of a christingle service?

ItsIgginningToLookALotLikeXmas · 17/12/2013 17:59

What I mean is, there is a big gap between running wild and shouting, and not sitting absolutely still in silence.

alemci · 17/12/2013 18:17

In the church where I sometimes attend, they have an area for parents where they can listen to the service and dcs can move about and possibly play (can't remember) and it is slightly away from the main area. They also have a creche, playschool, groups etc for the dc. I used to love taking my dc there as it was so pleasant and no one was judgey if they dc got fidgety etc.

What about special needs dc.

Dc are part of church and the old lady needs to think about how Jesus viewed little children as he does refer to them in the gospel. He welcomed them.

NigellasDealer · 17/12/2013 18:20

ah the joyous spirit of Christmas is clearly abounding among our church-going members, it brings a tear to my eye so it does...

VerySmallSqueak · 17/12/2013 19:35

I'm so glad I don't go to church.
And the holier than thou attitude expressed by some churchgoers is a big reason.
(Well,that,and the fact I don't believe in God....)

They'd hate my kids.
And I suspect I would secretly revel in their disapproval.

Toadinthehole · 17/12/2013 21:08

oldbaghere and others.

Of course children should behave appropriately in church. In my opinion, that makes allowance for the fact they are children. An activities table at the back, appropriately managed, should cause no affront to anyone - but I'm afraid that at my church, it does. Unfortunately, it is the old ladies who seem to mind - perhaps this is partly because the old gents have passed on, but my experience is that most of them are more likely to slip a noisy child a sweet and a kindly wink.

VerySmallSqueak

How these Christians love each other...

I'm afraid I entirely concur. The problem with churches is that they bring together people who have absolutely nothing in common but religious faith. It can make them fight like rats in a sack. Also, IME, Anglican churches seem particularly prone to harbour hoity-toity types who I sometimes imagine believe that children should not be allowed out unless wearing sailor suits (if boys) and pinafores (if girls).

timidviper · 17/12/2013 21:29

curlew What? Seriously? Old bags were children in the 1960s? That would make old bags 43-53 years old. I would be quite offended at being called that if I was only in my early 40s. Surely it would have to be at least 10 years ahead of that.

I think this again comes down to mutual respect, just as most of the arguments on here do. It is unreasonable to expect little children to sit still and silent for any length of time but it is equally unreasonable to expect others to tolerate them loudly marauding.

Toadinthehole · 17/12/2013 21:37

The people I have in mind are more like 80, therefore children in the '30s. Many people of that age will be hard of hearing and affected by background noise. Churches ought to cater for that as a priority. Mine does, quite properly.

The real issue is not hearing problems but (a) not accepting that standards of acceptable behaviour have changed and (b) sitting in the same pew since 1955 even though it is next to he kids' area. Happily, at my church the new vicar's DW has set up an excellent children's programme. The way this excellent person has been treated by some of the old ladies in response makes me absolutely livid.

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