To feel like I live in a completely different world to most mumsnetters?

[FloozeyLoozey]

No one I know can afford to be SAHM. Wages over 20k are seen as damned good, not disparaged. Anything over 30k makes you well off. I don't even know where Lancashire's private schools are, or anyone who hires a tutor. Nannies are another urban myth that don't exist around here, it's all after school clubs and nurseries. I feel completely alienated from this place at times. Am I just a common northerners out of place on mn who should migrate to netmums, because the shockingly snobby attitudes at times tell me I should.

You lost me at "common northener" to be honest.

I'm a SAHM, our daughter is in private school. I'm in Yorkshire.

I've never been on a board as diverse at MN.

MY dd works in a supermarket at the weekends I agree while there is nothing wrong with working in a shop she doesn't want to be there forever it is just a way of earning money atm

Why would you make this into a "Northern" thing?

I am Northern and live in the North

I have a cleaner, earn more than £30k and there are plenty of private schools around here. I had a tutor and I know people who have nannies

That doesn't make me a snob or different or better or worse than anyone else.

But it's nothing to do with North or South and apart from the inverted snobbery of your OP I am also annoyed by your determination to paint the entire North of England in such a light as to make it different from the rest of the country.

It really isn't you know.

I live in Surrey.
Anyone here who has a household income of 30K with children, will be struggling. But still might get into a good school if they get a council transfer to the right area. (They will not own their own house, you'd be lucky to afford a studio flat on that income.)
We have a high family income, but still can't afford private schooling. We could if we choose to move to a grotty area, I suppose. But then the cost of extras...
DH works long hours, is often away. So we did take a pay cut to keep me at home mainly.
The people I know with Nannies have 2 high powered/frequent travelling careers. (eg. 2 members of aircrew, it was the only way they could care for their children and both work). It can also work cheaper for 2+ under 4.
A cleaner isn't that extravagant, I had one in the past.

But most people on MN are pretty tolerant of all types, and don't assume everyone is well off etc.

I've personally done all manner of jobs from 14, including cleaning and shelf-stacking; to the outside world now I look pretty well off and I am viewed as 'lucky' - I'm not, I've worked damned hard and made sacrifices along the way.

At the mo I'm in the forces, but this job ends when I hit a certain age point - do you know what, I'm probably going to go back to stacking shelves then and that will suit me just fine. There's a lot less stress in Morrison's Market Street than in the job I currently do.

Everything's relative and one of the major attractions of MN imo is the really witty, feisty, knowledgeable women on here - from all walks of life with such a vast experience pot that we can all tap into.

I am a northern SAHM. We can barely afford it and I have NO MONEY! None. I have to ask for every penny (even for the DC), our house is a disgrace with a broken cooker, kitchen cupboards almost falling off but I reeeeally want to be at home with the children so I 'suffer'. But I'm fine (most of the time).

I can friends and family who say they're struggling but they both work & have things done on the house, 2 nice cars, smartphones etc. Then they say they couldn't afford to be a SAHM. I don't believe that for some people.

So what I think I'm saying is, I don't think (for some people) it's a case of 'can't afford to be a SAHM' it's a the lifestyle they can't 'afford' to give up... of course that's fine - do what you like - but don't pretend it's about the money.

mummytime it's the language that is used on MN that bothers me. "Grotty area" makes me uncomfortable. It implies that people who live there (such as myself) must be "grotty" too. Perhaps this isn't what you meant, but this is how it comes across and is the reason that some feel out of place on MumsNet.

I think that might've been a little bit off topic. And a bit ranty. Sorry.

There are people on here better off than me, for sure, but there are also those worse off than me too. I value the opinion of all kinds of mums.

'Mummytime', I live in Brighton, the bit I live in is definitely as expensive as Surrey, some of the prices of property are comparable to the expensive parts of North London (I know because my Brother lives in a very expensive part). My DS goes to a very good school but my DP Is on 40,000 as an Architect. We own our 2 bedroom flat and I'm a SAHM- It is quite tight on that money but that is our choice. My point is that things are not always as they seem and a lot of assumptions are made in your post about an income of 30,000, which is what DP initially earned when we made these decisions.

I think YABU.
What others have is none of anyone's business, if you don't compare, it won't matter. I wonder if the problem is that no matter how much happiness we have in our lives we compare unfavourably to the "Jones". In reality life IS unfair. We throw food away in this county, when some people will die today from not enough.
I don't gave nanny or cleaner by the way, I grew up with absolutely nothing...... I mean nothing, I never considered myself poor as a child, it's an adult perspective in my view.

Yes yes. When I was living in near poverty as a child I was fabulous. When I was struggling in my twenties I was still quite nice. Now I have one money and am a sahm with a cleaner, I am just a massive cunt.
Because our circumstances totally define us. We are all just stereotypes. Not proper people

Blimey OP YABU.

I'm a SAHM.
Household income in excess of the figure you've quoted.
DSes at private schools.

All that doesn't make me shockingly snobby.

What an extreme generalisation.

I'm a SAHM but go without a lot of extras to be one...

Before I joined mn, I had heard it was very middle class yummy mummyish, so I was surprised to read how many on here saying they lived in social housing or who were on benefits.

I fit into neither of the two social stereotypes...but I don't believe I can only get along with or have things in common with those in the same financial situation as me. Motherhood is a great leveller IMO.

The good thing about an Internet forum, is you can't see a persons financial status/home/career unless you hunt it out or ask.

It's this talk of snobs, snobbishness etc. Usually what the poster means is that some people live a different, perceived more extravagant lifestyle to what they live in and are used to - it's annoying. Being a snob has nothing to do with your income or how big your house is or where your kids go to school.

I don't want to sound mean, but your OP sounds really reverse snobby and definitely "we lived in a cardboard box and were beaten if we were loocky!" type thing.

2 of my DCs work in supermarkets.

Both have worked their way up. Both earn decent money.

The real snobbery on here is on the baby names threads.

I dont get the issue about cleaners. You can psy as little as 20pounds a week. Or every two weeks like my friend. It is less than what people pay for a friday pizza delivery.
Nannies cost a lot if full time but again some have only after school nanny which is not big deal. I pay my niece 3afternoons a week as an after school nanny. With 3dcs this is the cheapest option.

As for the 'categories', there are millions. Its not just 'the poor' and 'the rich' , 'good' and 'bad'. Many of us have been up and down several times anyway. If anything many threads prove this i.e. op was earning 100k before she got ill or left an abusive marriage and lived in hostel or escaped hostel and now earns 60k etc, thats real life goes up and down.

There are some snobs here but there are also some pisters who are comfortable financially but lovely too. One is on the thread, another one i havent seen her for while but i like her posts on income /jobs threads. I think people should feel free to post about their income,holidays, villas etc. Variety is good.

money or lack of it doesn't aquate with manners/ snobbery or niceness.

mumsnet is full of nice and not so nice posters. doesn't matter a damn to me where they live what the do if they have kids or not.

it's about discussions/support and fun.

op. I dont think you have commented since writing the op?
Why? How do you feel now?

Actually, you might well be working, or doing stuff.