To think that we should share houses like lots of British Asian families do

[ReallyTired]

I know several British Asian families where granparents and families live all under the same roof. Provided that there is enough living space it can work well. The extended family can keep an eye on elderly relatives. Having more than one generation living together helps prevent social isolation.

I know lot of elderly British couples or even single people who live in large 4 bed houses. Their adult children (and their children) live in tiny expensive rented accomodiation because they can't afford a mortgage.

I realise that not everyone would want to live with their parents/ inlaws however it does seem such waste of high quality housing. I doult that my parents or inlaws would let us live with them.

I feel the govement should discourage single occupancy of large houses.

If I lived with my parents or in laws, I would kill them before too long, and vice versa. It would be an extremely unhappy arrangement for all concerned.

I am not alone in this.

Yabu.

YABU to think, outside of social housing, the government should be dictating who we live with and how many square feet we should get. Lovely if everyone gets along but nothing intrinsically or morally wrong to want your own space, large or small.

YANBU, but the government can't and shouldn't try to encourage people to do something other than what they want with their own private property.

My mom and gran built the family home together in the late 70ies, we had the ground floor flat, gran the middle floor and once my brother came along the attic was converted to create more bedrooms.

It has brought nothing but grief for my mother as my gran is a very difficult and paranoid woman, my dad is a difficult man and the two of them hate each other. She's spent most of her life being squeezed in the middle.

Not for me, thanks.

I'm a single parent, me and my DD live with my mum. It is not my most ideal situation but it's much more preferable to living alone.

Share cooking, cleaning, care of DD. Pooling are finances so I can pay for more than the absolute basics for DD.

The only other people I know who live with there mum or mil are Asian or East European. There is a lot of stigma to it in the uk. I feel like I am judged for being a bit of a sad case and unable to stand on my own to feet. Although it would be better if me and DD got a flat on our own. I don't know. I think for us it is better not to be so isolated.

The thought of living with anyone fills me with horror, but with family?!? It's a sensible thing to do. I wish I was the sort of person who could do it. I was raised to be very self sufficient and independent.....which has its consequences, which does include a desperate need to be alone and an inability to cope with people, any people, for extended periods of time.

I get on well with my parents, but I think we'd seriously come to blows if we had to live together.

Mmm. I know plenty of British non-Asian (not sure what term I want here ) families where granny or grandpa lives either in the house or very close. I think it does work better when they're nearby but still have a bit of independence, TBH. What is certainly very difficult is if you try to move an elderly relative too late, because it can be extremely disorienting. I would have loved to have my grandma live with us but she would have lost what little mental capacity she had because it was all bound up with her surroundings. And to look at it the opposite way, yes, my parents have a big empty house, but there are no jobs for me where they are. There's a reason they could afford that big empty house, it's in the middle of nowhere!

I have noticed that lots of people my age seem not to feel the need for as much space as their parents. My parents constantly comment on how small the places we live are, and it is fucking annoying sometimes, but actually I think that is a very good trend. We really don't need acres of space and maybe we should just get used to that?

I think this depends what Asian community you know. The hindus I work with, when this came up, said the family sharing / looking after your elders is an older tradition. Parents in their 50s are under no illusion that they'll be looked after by their children.

I had my mother living with us for 6 months, it nearly killed all of us and I'm still trying to repair the damage t my marriage of her implying that my DH, who works PT, should work FT so I can be at home with DS as she had been because I was missing out.

I have four children. In our house live: me and dh, four children aged 11, 7, 6, and 4 and my mum and her husband.

Works for us. And we are not Asian.

Well, its not upto the government.

But I wouldn't under-estimate how unhappy members of these families actually are. Its somewhat expected of them, from what I can gather. It might seem like a good idea in theory, but I am sure that in practice its very difficult.

I know that I absolutely could not do it. The thought of having to still answer to my parents when I am a parent myself, and to have to sort out things like housework and money with that many people. Nightmare.

Of course, there are many families who this works for, and that's really great, I am probably jealous, its just not the utopia you are making it out to be OP.

I thought there was supposed to be an epidemic of people never leaving home and multi generational living. It used to be very common in the 50s and 60s - at least for the start of adult (which then meant married!) life.

It was much easier having lodgers than having my MiL stay for 5.5 months.

If people want to live with their extended families they can cant they? so it must be that very few actually want to!

I don't think the prisons could cope with the influx if everyone were forced to live with their parents/inlaws!

I'd love to live with my parents but as I have 5 siblings who are under 16 we would need a very big house, which neither of us have

MIL would be dead within a week.

I am another who couldn't do this. I am praying that the DC will not have to stay at home/come back after university as it would not be good for any of us

I am not going to go into generalisations, my middle DD has gone to stay (she lives with me) with my Mum, since my Mum started having decreased mobility. We tend to look after our relatives, ourselves, but we all work in the Care Industry, anyway.

From the families that I know, a lot of strain is put on the women, except for the Sikh families, they seem to have a much more equal/Matriarchal set up.

Our whole society is set up differently and our social conditioning isn't yet geared up for that to work, in general.

We don't need to be taking this step backwards, we need to keep the wages if a liveable standard, plan for our ageing society and keep good quality homes affordable, of all different types.

One thing we should definitely not do, is underestimate the effect on an individual of becoming a Carer.

It depends entirely upon the people involved.

When my parents were alive I would have happily shared with my Father, who was a relaxed sort of person (like I am) and he would be happy to sit in the garden reading his newspaper or having a snooze in his chair.

My Mother was a completely different story. She died in her 90s and up to her death, she never stopped moving and doing something, constantly. She was incapable of relaxing. I think one of us would have murdered the other after a very short time.

I don't see an evidence that British Asians who live with their outlaws inlaws are more or less happy than the rest of us. There are happy and unhappy people of all ethnic backgrounds.

Every family has its tensions and relationships need to be worked at. The present situation of high housing costs, elderly people living alone, high care costs is hardly a utopia either.

I think it can work as long as there are separate bathrooms, separate kitchens, separate entrances and an understanding of the requirement for space/bolt holes and good sound-proofing.

We do it but that is because my parents are DD's primary carers, and we are not at home very often anyway. We don't see each other often enough for tensions to rise. We are not Asian, it just makes absolute sense for us, and I am very close to my parents.

I love my parents and my in-laws are great. But none of us want to live with each other!

My nan lived with my grandparents until she died and even now my grandad said he would never live with any of his family as he wouldn't want to put upon them.

Some Asian families may all live together, but it doesn't mean they are happy. I've seen plenty of Mums in my line of work who are miserable or abused by their husband or mil.

Go back 100 years and it was normal for several generations to live together, sharing household duties and childcare.
Go back further and they all lived in the same room, eating, sleeping, procreating and dying next to each other.
So it can be done!

I feel the govement should discourage single occupancy of large houses.

I feel the government already poke their noses in to too many places that should not be any of their business in the first place. This would be another.

It's very common where I used to live, in the Midlands. Typically each generation would have a self-contained floor to themselves, so could have privacy when they wanted.

I can see the appeal, IF you all get along. They get to live in fantastic houses, too, since around 4 -6 people are all contributing to the mortgage.

I love my parents, and I get on with them fantastically. I genuinely enjoy their company. But I will provide personal care over my own dead body, the very idea turns my stomach - and theirs! From friends situations I have seen it appears that elderly people living alone receive far more care than those living with family. the family are expected to do pretty much everything. I wouldn't risk living with parents for this reason.

I wouldn't risk living with inlaws as I would merrily skip to the gallows after a week!