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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

walking round town with no reigns on my 19 month old.

88 replies

feepea · 09/12/2013 00:17

My 19 month old son was taken out by his dad to town (my ex) I asked him to take reigns but he refused.when he came back he said he held onto him by his hood. He generally has no idea and this bothers me a lot. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
leonardofquirm · 09/12/2013 00:19

YANBU.

My 19 month old could get away no problem and a lot of hoods pop off!

Not worth the risk in a busy town.

SinisterSal · 09/12/2013 00:20

why 'refuse'?

Only you know if you are being unreasonable, based on your DS's predictability and your ex's awareness

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 09/12/2013 00:21

Wouldn't pulling the hood hurt his neck.

Reins are a lot safer, not that I could use them with DD thinking it was a lead and crawling and barking like a dog and ds just was a dead weight and refused to move.

ShylaMcClaus · 09/12/2013 00:22

YANBU, especially at this time of year!

My DS still has a backpack with a lead strap

cupoftchai · 09/12/2013 00:22

We don't have reins for our 19 month old but whether she got to walk would depend on circumstances- how busy, whether she was in a helpful mood etc

MrsCakesPremonition · 09/12/2013 00:24

I never used reins on either of mine. We coped.

ShylaMcClaus · 09/12/2013 00:25

That's the thing, isn't it?

"We"

OP is worried because her ex doesn't take the same safety precautions that she does while she is on her own, and he doesn't know the child as well as she does.

MPB · 09/12/2013 00:27

I didn't use them with either of mine. Nothing against them just didn't need them. And DS2 was a lively chap.

heidihole · 09/12/2013 00:30

Ds is 18m and doesn't need reins. He is pretty placid, just holds my hand!

ShylaMcClaus · 09/12/2013 00:32

I didn't use them with my first child, ever.

My second was diagnosed with autism extremely early at 2.9. He still wears a backpack several years later and is still a bolter.

Why take the risk, when there are backpacks which are also handy to fit drinks and spare clothes in?

bellybuttonfairy · 09/12/2013 00:35

If your ex felt he didnt need them, then he didnt.

I have never used them on any of my dc. I havent lost any of them yet!

HanneHolm · 09/12/2013 00:39

Reins

WorraLiberty · 09/12/2013 00:42

If he didn't want to use them then fine

What's with holding the hood and not his hand though?

As long as he's not tugging on the hood there's no problem...but I don't understand why either of you don't just hold his hand?

TheZeeTeam · 09/12/2013 00:43

Reins and holding a child's hood are REALLY not that different. And the only way he's going to get more of a clue is practice. Everyone has to find their own parenting style.

I have never used reins as I went for the "either it's hold my hand or you're in the buggy" approach. It didn't mean I wasn't safe.

OutragedFromLeeds · 09/12/2013 00:44

AIBU to be bothered? No.

Is he BU? No. A lot of parents don't use reins. He is his parent too and well within his rights to make a different choice to you.

I'm not sure about holding the hood though, it depends on the child and the coat.

ShylaMcClaus · 09/12/2013 00:58

Reins clip at the front. A coat can be un-zipped and loose especially in a warm shopping centre. Add an escalator and enthusiastic older baby and you have a problem

TidyDancer · 09/12/2013 01:03

Is he one of those ridiculous "no reins, looks like a dog" types?

This polarises opinion for no good reason. If you don't need to use reins, don't use them. Don't judge people who do, there is fuck all wrong with them.

There is a MNer (actually not sure if she's still here, it was a long time ago I read this iirc) who very sadly lost their little one because they weren't on reins. Anytime I've had rude looks or comments, I've always recalled that and have never felt bad about my choice.

ShylaMcClaus · 09/12/2013 01:06

I remember that, Tidy. Awful.

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 09/12/2013 01:49

MrsPresley is that MNer. She lost her child and I feel no guilt about DDs reins because of her.

IneedAsockamnesty · 09/12/2013 02:01

I read a post on here that has led me to belive that anybody who does not use them with tinys is an apsolute prat.

Yanbu

Tapiocapearl · 09/12/2013 03:04

I think it depends on the child. Most will hold hands and walk slowly. Some will bolt without warning.

ZingSweetPea · 09/12/2013 03:15

pixie

anyone who doesn't use them is a prat? Hmm

really?

why?

I think it is important for a child to walk and feel their own body and even fall occasionally - putting your hands out to break a fall is a reflex and children should be able to experience this.
it's good for them to be aware of their own bodies - instead of being yanked back at the slightest hint of imbalance.

we use the littleLife backpack with DS5 (3.5) if out about for a longer time so he doesn't run off, but I haven't used it with DD yet as she is either in a pushchair or only has to do a 5 min walk between car & playgroup when I drop off/pick up DS5.

and I don't consider myself a prat for that.
I think you should apologise for your wild generalization

ZingSweetPea · 09/12/2013 03:16

DD is 20 months old btw.

IneedAsockamnesty · 09/12/2013 04:10

Why on earth would I need to apologise for expressing an opinion about the use of safety equipment,and I didn't say that you should consider yourself to be a prat.

It may be good for toddlers to learn to fall over but its not especially good for them to get run over.

I've seen first hand what being run over does to a child,if your lucky and they don't die it will still have catastrophic lasting effects on your entire family you get to watch them deal with it for the rest of their life,physically it can be continuous pain,scaring,mobility problems and that's before you take into account the 60+ surgeries they have over the next decade to try and make it a little bit better and the repeated induced coma you get to watch happening,after all that you have to stand by whilst they miss years and years worth of schooling knowing you can't change anything nor can you fix it when careers they desperately wanted are no longer open to them because of disability and you get to still be awake at 4am because you are so used to the screaming from The night terrors waking you that you hardly ever sleep.

But one day you read a post on a forum from someone else,and you realise your the lucky one because your child is still alive your child was lucky it happened when she was 9 instead of a toddler like the posters child who did die.

So I'm quite comfortable with my stance on the matter and I don't really give much of a flying fuck about your need for an apology.

LST · 09/12/2013 04:29

Got them but never used them. I am not a prat.. Hmm

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