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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

walking round town with no reigns on my 19 month old.

88 replies

feepea · 09/12/2013 00:17

My 19 month old son was taken out by his dad to town (my ex) I asked him to take reigns but he refused.when he came back he said he held onto him by his hood. He generally has no idea and this bothers me a lot. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:

flummoxedbanana · 09/12/2013 04:51

My dd is 18 months and I don't use them. She walks slowly and carefully outdoors, she's a nosey daydreamer. My elder daughter was a running off giggling type so she had them as soon as she could walk. Every child is different.

BobaFettTheHalls · 09/12/2013 05:12

I would be really annoyed. esp at the hood holding.

Ds1, 2yr, is a livewire and would happily bolt or throw himself down stairs if unreined.

MiaowTheCat · 09/12/2013 07:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

diddl · 09/12/2013 07:58

I used them for my PFB as it was easier to push the pram with PSB in whilst holding reins.

But one adult one toddler-should be OK if the adult doesn't want to use them?

If he generally "has no idea"-should he even be seeing his child alone?

BobCrotchstitch · 09/12/2013 08:06

Gosh sock :(
I used reins for DS even though he was quite a placid, happy to trot next to me kind of child.
I also have dogs and would never dream of walking any of them along the pavement of a busy road with no lead and the simple command to "not run off"
Why on earth I would do that with my precious DS is beyond me (and I am the most laid back mother WRT taking risks)

Sirzy · 09/12/2013 08:12

Personally I wouldn't walk a 19month old around town at all at this time of year reigns or no reigns. Pram or nothing (or carried/sling)

But each parent is different and will make their own choices on such matters.

MILLYMOLLYMANDYMAX · 09/12/2013 08:22

Either you have very tall children or you are very short but how on earth do you hold a child's hand without putting your back out. Ds was 9 months when he walked and never used a buggy after that. Dd would go in her buggy occasionally but loved to run everywhere. With 2 under 2.5's two sets of reins were a must, teamed with 2 extendable dog leads they could run anywhere they liked when it was safe and be close by when we came to not so safe areas.
Seen too many parents struggling to keep hold of children in shomaking centres making what would have been a pleasant shopping trip completely exhausting.
What have people got against using reins.
I would have never taken my laid back, placid, dog with road sense out without a lead. So why take a toddler with no road sense or knowledge of dangerous situations out without some form of safety harness. You only have to be distracted, paying for something for a moment for them to be gone.

MILLYMOLLYMANDYMAX · 09/12/2013 08:23

Shopping not shomaking

intitgrand · 09/12/2013 08:27

I have managed to raise 5 children without the need for reins.
It depends a lot on what they mean by taking them into town.I go to a carpark and over an enclosed footbridge into the first shopping centre and everything is pedestrianised.However I would have a pushchair or back pack for incase they get tired , sit down and refuse to move!

MiniSoksMakeHardWork · 09/12/2013 08:27

IMO Yanbu. It only takes a momentary lapse of concentration, needing both hands and the child could be lost forever.

Our reins clip at the back shy so maybe some people are putting them on the wrong way round? It's easily done.

jumperooo · 09/12/2013 08:31

From what sort of age are reins ok to use? My 14 month old is a bit of a livewire, she has been walking since 10.5 months so pretty sturdy and fine in the park/safe places but runs off in all directions

MinesAPintOfTea · 09/12/2013 08:32

Is the town pedestrianised? I let ds wander on his own in pedestrianised areas and obviously in the park or similar. But he's on the reins or tightly holding hands as soon as we're within sight of traffic.

MILLYMOLLYMANDYMAX · 09/12/2013 08:33

intigrand you have a buggy. Mine refused point blank the buggy and never tired. How did you manage 5 toddlers when they bolted in different directions.

MinesAPintOfTea · 09/12/2013 08:34

Jumperoo you can use them now, they're for from when the child learns to walk outdoors until they are old enough to walk nicely alongside roads. Take them off in the park though.

FredFredGeorge · 09/12/2013 08:34

I am 6' my DD is on the 25th centile, I've never used reins since walking to town and around since younger than 12months, never put my back out or anything, holding hands was fine. By 19months she'd've been off on her scooter on a lot of pavements.

No reins, is a perfectly viable choice for a lot of toddlers.

fluffyraggies · 09/12/2013 08:42

Skimmed the thread as i know it will be a 50/50 for and against reigns

My take on this is that if the OP is primary carer, knows very well her DC is a bolter and fears for his safety if he is not on his reigns then the X should really be complying. Supposing he refused the reigns and then the kid got run over? Hanging onto a hood is not quite as safe IMO.

FWIW i never used reigns. But my DCs were good hand holders. Had they not been reigns would have been used.

livinginawinterwonderland · 09/12/2013 08:50

He's DS's parent too. If he doesn't want to use reins, he doesn't have to. They're not a legal requirement.

MILLYMOLLYMANDYMAX · 09/12/2013 09:03

Fredfred - if you are holding 2 toddlers hands how on earth do you pay for anything, go shopping, take them out of the car without letting go of a hand. Think I must have very short arms or dc have. It was either a case of me stooping or them having their arm stretched up to me.

JRmumma · 09/12/2013 09:05

DS is only 4mo atm so ive not had to consider reigns yet, but can someone explain what comments you get when using them? Surely they are simply safety equipment, designed to stop children getting lost/injured? I don't understand why anyone would be negative about that.

PurpleRayne · 09/12/2013 09:05

One of my four was a bolter. Reins were essential. Boys seem worse for this.

Sirzy · 09/12/2013 09:08

But Fluffy - why shouldn't the parent who is caring for that child at the time make the judgement as to what is best at that time? Why should he always have to go with what the OP said?

Different parents make different choices. Pram, reigns, holding hands, holding hood doesn't matter as long as the parent who is in that situation at that time is sure they are safe.

At that age i would have always used the pram for DS is a town centre as I felt that was safest. He walked most other places only using a little life backpack if I felt it was safer for that particular environment (normally busy roads or near water)

thebody · 09/12/2013 09:11

I got reins for my 2 toddler boys the day Janie bugler was kidnapped and killed.

he was the same age as ds2.

kids can be gone in seconds.

holding his hood sounds really daft.

arethereanyleftatall · 09/12/2013 09:11

Reins/no reins- your choice. Thus it's also the Childs fathers choice. There is no wrong or right. Thus yabu to demand he parents your way.

clarequilty · 09/12/2013 09:13

Live in central London and have two children, one five, one 2 and have never needed to use a pram or a stroller or reins ever.

Sling, holding hands, shoulder rides have all worked for us shopping, school run, public transport etc.

I don't like reins and prams and wouldn't use them myself but I lack the gene that would make me sniffy about them.

Not sure that the OPs husband is negligent if he was keeping a close eye on the toddler. Not using reins doesn't necessarily mean your child will get run over.

thebody · 09/12/2013 09:14

JRmumma it doesn't matter what people say to you really does it.

the people who usually comment on reins in a negative easy are either the ones who are always loosing their toddlers and it's panic stations at the school pick up or they have a very well behaved, docile, hand holding child like my dd3.

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