To think that if you can't control your children, you shouldn't come to hotels?

[HomeIsWhereTheGinIs]

DH and I are currently staying at a very nice boutique hotel in the countryside. It's been a hell of a busy year and so the idea was to treat ourselves to a couple of days somewhere luxurious and to do lots of reading and sleeping. However, we're staying at a place that's converted old outbuildings into suites, two suites to a building. And the family next door have the two noisiest children on the face of the planet.

Yesterday morning we were working up by the children shrieking to one another and then for their mother (it appeared she'd pushed them out into the communal stairwell to play). A phone complaint later to reception and the noise ceased (and they glared at us every time they passed us in the hotel). But damage done, we were already awake (and given that I am exhausted all the time from this pregnancy, it was awful not being able to go back to sleep). Yesterday evening, exactly the same thing. Screaming children sent to "play" on the stairs and landing outside our room where they screamed, ran around and then got into an actual fight (complete with shouted insults and wails for a parent). It happened again this morning at 7am (there goes our lie-in) and this time the call to reception had no effect.

I'm really cross that I haven't been able to have a lie-in because of their lazy parenting. I remember going to hotels with my family when I was small and my mother coming down on me very hard when I was too loud and in danger of disturbing the other guests. They're the only children at the hotel and their running and screaming in the library yesterday was attracting frowns from every other couple there. AIBU to hate the parents of the noisy brats for being so selfish and entitled? My feeling is that when you have kids, you don't get to just ignore behaviour that might be ruining an experience for other people.

Ah ds1 did wake up an entire campsite by waking up at 3am, screaming (didn't like the dark) & setting off a field if donkeys next to us. Then the low talking from every tent in the field started. We kept our head down the next day & bought solar garden lights

Sometimes when trying to curb a child I'm not sure what to do. The tapping was such a case. If I'd got cross ds1 would have done it more laughing hysterically. So I decided on the cross calm face, looking bored but unamused & relying on his natural tiredness to aid the people next door. Didn't consider the effect of a baby on the other side of us though

The only time we've been tutted at in a hotel was when ds1 kept getting up and down at the breakfast table (always with one of us following) tbh he could have been doing a lot worse so I just ignored the sour pusses. It should have been obvious that ds1 was disabled.

I think it's just one of those things? Sometimes you might book into a fancy restaurant and be next to a couple of brats. Once I had to endure a flight to Miami next to a lite boy who kept sticking his fingers in my dinner and the baby cried and screamed the entire time. I'd have probably booked a spa type hotel or adults only personally if I wanted total relaxation. Worth putting in a complaint though, you may get refunded partially at least.

I was also one of these people (pre children) who had very big ideas about how they should behave in restaurants and in general and totally blamed the parents for any untoward behaviour. Then the child came along, despite reading all the books and being a fairly ok parent (I think?) I find myself running a dialogue through any meals out 'get out from under the table' 'shh' 'say thank you' don't climb up the chandelier' just wait a few years and see how your perfectly behaved, well controlled offspring turn out - good luck

Chunderella

If the DCs has SEN, are you advocating putting your children out in the corridor to disturb others? Course not.

Seems to me your backs up about some things the OP has said, but I don't think it's reasonable to defend anything the parents in the OP did on the grounds of the DC/s having SNS

back's up

Oh I see its your turn now chunderella here .

To all those who've told the OP "just wait till you have DCs", or that it is sometimes impossible to shut kids up:
There are plenty of places that specifically market themselves as child friendly, and there are also holiday rentals. Why is it not an option to take your DC to these places if you know they might ruin somebody else's stay? Anybody who doesn't want to have an expensive holiday ruined by other people's out of control DC would never book in to a hotel marketed at those with young children, and would have only themselves to blame if they didn't. If you've made the decision to have kids, why is it such a big ask to holiday in appropriate places?

On the few occasions that we've camped (not for a while and not since we had number 4), DH has taken the kids to the play park when they've literally just woken up (and you know how early kids wake up camping) to stop them disturbing other campers (just by them talking and normal stuff, I don't mean fighting or anything). Whilst I praise his thoughtfulness, I'm also kind of irritated that he does it, as the campers he's trying not to disturb, are generally the ones keeping me up all night with their late night drinking sessions and loud voices. But there you go. Sometimes, I find it hard to be tolerant.

However, I can't believe that someone kicked out their kids to play in the communal area. That really is lazy parenting. I can see why you are upset. Presumably, being a boutique hotel means that it was quite expensive. I'd complain again - as someone suggested, speak to someone higher up - you may get some kind of compensation, though I doubt it will really make up for a ruined trip.

'Just wait til you have DCs'?!
Cos as soon as you give birth you become a selfish twat so ineffectual that you are unable to control your own offspring, apparently.

OP, YANBU.

Why is it not an option to take your DC to these places if you know they might ruin somebody else's stay?

I don't think parents actively book places knowing that their children might ruin the stay for others, you know.

When we travelled 12,000 miles to see family/friends recently, we stayed in all manor of places. For the most part my dds were very well behaved, but when we got back to base, the youngest was very unsettled. I did what I could to keep her calm, but not matter how hard you try sometimes, you just can't do it & you can't please everyone.

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't have put her in any communal areas to mess about, but op & others on this thread need to realise that kids make noise, no matter how hard their parents try to quiet them.

You could say, 'if you get easily disturbed by noise in public places, don't go to public places'

I read in the what to expect book when I was pg, to consider the fact that if you take your baby out to dinner with you, someone on the table next to you might have spent ££s getting a babysitter to have that one night of peace together, so might not appreciate listening to someone else's baby instead.

That's the point isn't it - not that it's against the law to have a crying baby, noisy child or whatever, just that if you do you should take other people's feelings into consideration. If you are clearly not (and in this case the parents seemed to find their feelings more important than everyone else's, by putting the kids out to play on the landing (wtf, btw!)) then you shouldn't be very surprised if other people start getting a bit cross. Equally if it becomes apparent that there is a reason why the noise is happening, the onlookers might be appreciative of that.

Just basic courtesy on all sides is what's needed I think. I agree with rpeg though - you can make life easier for yourself.

YANBU

Even at Butlins I wouldn't let DS scream and shout and certainly wouldn't let him play loudly in stairwells/corridors.

Having children does not mean you suddenly lose all sense of what reasonable behaviour is

The children didn't ruin the OP's stay. The selfish parents who weren't doing any parenting did.

Yes, kids make noise. OP stated further down the thread that she hasn't any problem with a normal level of noise. But putting children into a public area unsupervised and unchecked at 7am is not on at all.

There is a difference between being easily disturbed by noise and not wanting a holiday you've spent all year saving up for to be ruined by badly behaved kids. Obviously it's not always possible, but there really are so many hotels (in this country at least) that specifically market themselves at people with young families that I don't understand why it happens so often that you're at a predominantly adult hotel, and are faced with one family where the parents pretend their children aren't rolling around the restaurant/running up and down stairs screaming/trampling flowers in the garden/etc. etc. Or even more annoyingly catch your eye and grin with an "aren't they cute" type look and continue to ignore...

Agree lilyaldrin

And Wannabe

I always act to curb tantrums if they are disturbing other people. It's not acceptable to sit idly by while your kid kicks off because "children have tantrums, what on earth are parents supposed to do about it?".

I could have written Op myself a few years ago....several times probably ....that's when I didn't have children. I am a mum now and would still write exactly the same and feel exactly the same. Op is not BU at all.

Talk to the manager, and insist on getting an upgrade weekend in lieu if she won't reimburse you for your disturbed weekend. You didn't get what you paid for and they didn't stop the noise, you had to keep ringing reception to complain.

Yanbu, OP, and I think posters should read your posts before they go on and on with their "just you wait" witchy comments.
You sound like your head is screwed on right to me.

Fwiw I always play the elf and safety card, when complaining, as being sued is any hotels/ institutions nightmare.

the children were on the landing outside her room

Whilst I appreciate many comments are now about how noisy children can be in general and how some children with special needs can be noisier than others. I think this is unfair on the OP.

There is nothing to suggest that these two children had any special needs.

They weren't just being noisy in the hotel room, they were out on the landing, outside the OP's room at 7am having an actual fight with each other.

I think this thread is in danger of turning (if it hasn't done so already) into one of those debates over whether children are brats or not and what if they had special needs and you don't know/can't tell.

Yes there are some disapproving, impatient and downright nasty adults (some of whom are parents themselves) who genuinely believe that children should be neither seen nor heard and who make it their mission to convey their disapproval at every given opportunity, making those stressed parents feel even more stressed and inferior. Those are the type of people who should book adults only hotels and go on adult only holidays because any child, no matter how quiet, would disturb their peace by its mere presence and any parent, no matter how considerate, would be reduced to tears by these obnoxious adults.

The OP does not come across as one of these adults. She sounds like a normal, pregnant mother who tried to escape the stresses of life and reconnect with her partner and was instead forced to endure the bad behaviour of some inconsiderate parents who thought they would share their bad parenting skills with the rest of the hotel.

The hotel should have either moved the family or moved the OP. In fact they should have given her an upgrade really and if they couldn't move her, they should have offered a refund. Badly behaved guests, whether they are parents or drunks, are the responsibility of the hotel. You have paid for a service and part of that hotel service is ensuring the happiness and comfort of the guests. This was not fulfilled and resulted in the OP paying quite a lot of money and having a bad time in return.

I'm with you OP.

This is the reason we didn't take our DC to hotels until they were old enough to understand that consideration for other people was important.

If you are in public, families need to understand that they can't behave as they might at home, but need to think of others too. This doesn't mean being seen but not heard, but does involve common courtesy.

Nobody said It did lilyaldrin.

Rpeg OP never said it was anything other. Besides that is not why people replied 'just you wait' to OP.

There can be nothing nicer than experienced parents offering support to a pregnant woman. How heartening to see that in action on this thread.