To think that if you can't control your children, you shouldn't come to hotels?

[HomeIsWhereTheGinIs]

DH and I are currently staying at a very nice boutique hotel in the countryside. It's been a hell of a busy year and so the idea was to treat ourselves to a couple of days somewhere luxurious and to do lots of reading and sleeping. However, we're staying at a place that's converted old outbuildings into suites, two suites to a building. And the family next door have the two noisiest children on the face of the planet.

Yesterday morning we were working up by the children shrieking to one another and then for their mother (it appeared she'd pushed them out into the communal stairwell to play). A phone complaint later to reception and the noise ceased (and they glared at us every time they passed us in the hotel). But damage done, we were already awake (and given that I am exhausted all the time from this pregnancy, it was awful not being able to go back to sleep). Yesterday evening, exactly the same thing. Screaming children sent to "play" on the stairs and landing outside our room where they screamed, ran around and then got into an actual fight (complete with shouted insults and wails for a parent). It happened again this morning at 7am (there goes our lie-in) and this time the call to reception had no effect.

I'm really cross that I haven't been able to have a lie-in because of their lazy parenting. I remember going to hotels with my family when I was small and my mother coming down on me very hard when I was too loud and in danger of disturbing the other guests. They're the only children at the hotel and their running and screaming in the library yesterday was attracting frowns from every other couple there. AIBU to hate the parents of the noisy brats for being so selfish and entitled? My feeling is that when you have kids, you don't get to just ignore behaviour that might be ruining an experience for other people.

[feelingfuckingfestiveok]

they clarly need to buy them ipads - maybe they didnt want shag in front of them...maybe they MNetters and had seen that thread!

[DiseasesOfTheSheep]

Yanbu - that would drive me nuts too. In fact, it's the reason I would never go to such a place voluntarily. But then, I am practically a hermit!

[differentnameforthis]

your next weekend break could see a couple just like you sleeping next door to a colicky baby crying all night

So be careful with the judgements & name calling, because believe me, at 6am no one cares if it is a screaming because of playing, or screaming because of colic.

[SauvignonBlanche]

I'd complain, couldn't they have moved you?

[Nanny0gg]

I'd be complaining to the management.

It's almost irrelevant that it's children. If you were disturbed by any inconsiderate guests you would complain and expect something to be done. So they should have intervened.

[HomeIsWhereTheGinIs]

Hippy: exactly my point.

NurseRoscoe: I don't have children yet (I'm pregnant) but I honestly don't see what that has to do with anything? Would I not be allowed to be cross that my rest was disturbed if I were childless? My whole point here isn't to argue that children shouldn't be energetic or noisy, it's to say that if you can't keep them quiet, for whatever reason, you shouldn't bring them with you. Stay at home until they're older or teach them better manners. I'm sorry but I don't see how the natural energy of a child has anything to do with their parents (who presumably fancied a lie-in) sending them outside to a communal hallway to play rather than dealing with them themselves. It's just lazy and ill mannered.

[MinesAPintOfTea]

Out of interest is this your first? Because the thing about children is that they might be perfectly behaved at home in their normal routine but completely thrown by a strange hotel and make a lot more noise than usual. Obviously throwing them out to play in the stairwell isn't on, but until that point the parents would have been having a much harder time than you.

[MinesAPintOfTea]

x-post

And we will be taking 18mo DS to a hotel in a few weeks. Unless you think he should miss his grandfather's wedding so that everyone else in the hotel is less likely to be disturbed? We will of course do everything in our power to keep him quiet, but there are limits to what can be done to make children behave.

[jendot]

Ohh crikes we have been on the other end of this. 2 children who were then about 6 and 9 boutique countryside hotel, first floor room with paper thin walls and creaky floors and it RAINED all weekend. We tried SO hard to be quiet....we really did. Apparently the people below us complained continually. To the point the hotel manager threatened to throw us out... I was totally mortified. We spent the whole weekend tip toeing about and shushing the kids. While everyone in the hotel glared at us. It was the worst weekend away EVER!

[paxtecum]

Before I actually had DCs, I was determined that they would have impeccable manners at all times.
They would not be allowed to behave badly.
My DCs would not have tantrums, they would eat everything put in front of them, sleep 12 hours each night.

[HomeIsWhereTheGinIs]

NannyOgg (love the nickname!) I'm being like granny W here aren't I? But I agree with you, it almost doesn't matter who was making the noise. The point was it was preventable.

MinesAPintOfTea if that happens to us we will leave. I wouldn't dream if it was clear that we were disturbing other people. But then I have no plans to kick my children out of the room unsupervised and to ignore the noise.

As for your DS, why would you assume I think you should leave him at home? I've been very clear, I'm not arguing that children shouldn't be allowed in hotels under any circumstances, just if they can't be controlled and are ruining the experience for other people. If you think that's a raleal risk, I think it's selfish to inflict it upon others.

[WooWooOwl]

Yanbu. Some parents are lazy and selfish unfortunately.

[HomeIsWhereTheGinIs]

Real, not raleal, obviously. Stupid phone!

[paxtecum]

OP: If an 18 month old decides to wail in the middle of the night or 6.00am, it can be quite difficult to shush them up!

[Monetbyhimself]

Jendot what has rain got to do with anything ? Do your children MELT in the rain ?

OP YANBU. Veteran mother here and I'd have gone spare. There is NO excuse for the kind if behaviour you s
describe. It's perfectly possible to reproduce AND co exist if you fon't believe that you are much more important than anyone else.

[HomeIsWhereTheGinIs]

Paxtecum; I'm not disputing that. I'm sure it is hard to hush them. But would you deal with it by shoving them into the communal hallway? That's what I'm cross about. Not about the fact that children can be noisy.

[MinesAPintOfTea]

HomeIs leaving is fine until its 11pm at night, the child has just woken up and its a 3 hour drive home. Or if you're booked for a weekend having travelled on fixed-time tickets. Sometimes its just not possible.

Actually if DS was generally noisy I wouldn't book a hotel and would miss the wedding and be glad of the excuse. He's usually perfectly behaved, eats in restaurants quietly except when asking for yet more food and if behaving in a way I want to discourage somewhere he wants to be we leave so that he learns to behave nicely.

If however I let him tantrum his way off trains etc then it would be harder to get him to behave when travelling in future. So yes, he might have a tantrum in the hotel and not be taken out, but that isn't because I don't want him to learn to behave.

And I agree that sending the children into the stairwell was unacceptable and you were right to ring the manager about that.

[BalloonSlayer]

I'd have demanded the hotel move me to a different - of same standard or better! - room after the first time. They usually get their finger out if they think they'll lose money.

[BalloonSlayer]

"Obviously throwing them out to play in the stairwell isn't on, but until that point the parents would have been having a much harder time than you."

Diddums.

They are THEIR children, whom they are supposed to be looking after and bringing up.

[NoComet]

YANBU
Babies cry and young DCs don't realise how noisy they are being and it can take a few moments to find them occupation.

Thus being woken up by other peoples DCs may be unavoidable.

However, in these days of lap tops and iPods, chucking them in the corridor and allowing them to continue being noisy is down right rude.

You will find when your child is born you still want to get out and go places and you can't simply park a baby in left luggage, more often than not they have to come too.

Unless you have amazing grandparents, who live next door and don't have a social life and never go on holiday, your DC will annoy someone, sometime.

That's fine, it's being oblivious to the fact they are being annoying, not telling g them off and removing them from the situation that's rude.

Children who are a bit load a d Griffith at their own table are one thing. DDs chucking things from the floor above are quite another.

[BalloonSlayer]

I would think an "adults only hotel" was something sleazy like a swingers' hotel or similar.

< dirty mind alert >

[NoComet]

bit loud and fidgity (sorry it's probably rude to forget I'm on my kindle, which has a barking spell checker)

[IamInvisible]

YANBU at all.

I think we can all understand and appreciate the difference between an upset 18mo and unruly children playing in the stairwell and running up and down the corridor.

I don't care if it had been a high end boutique hotel, or a Premier Inn, I would have complained and asked for a refund and room change. Infact you would have got your money back in a Premier Inn!

I hate it when you are on holiday and people come back with their DC at midnight and gone, and they allow them to run hell for leather down an echoey corridor. It's just so inconsiderate.

[monicalewinski]

I agree that parents should control their children and not let them run riot, I agree that the parents should do everything in their control to ensure their children are not impacting on others, I agree that the onus is on parents to ensure their children know how to behave when out and about.

However, I think you are being HUGELY naïve aswell, as paxtecum said if a baby decides to start screaming in the middle of the night or super early in the morning, it can be almost impossible to shut them up; when the kids decide to act up (they can be best of friends and then at each others throats in the blink of an eye) there is inevitable noise for a minute prior to shutting them up; when children are cooped up for whatever reason, the noise slowly ramps up and is probably not as obvious to the parents who live with it all the time, as it is to the childless couple in the room next door.

(Speaking as a mother of 2 reflux babies, who screamed for what seemed like an eternity but are now v v well behaved boys of 8 & 11 who inevitably fall out/get boisterous on occasion).

That said, I hope you enjoyed your weekend away, and congrats on your pregnancy!

[FudgefaceMcZ]

Hmm. I think YANBU, and I normally hate 'zomg children in public how dare they' whining so I think objectively YANBU either. Firstly, I don't get why people would take children to a really posh hotel- maybe if it was the only one in the area but tbh if you have that kind of spare cash then you can afford a holiday rental or somewhere child appropriate. I don't really know what a boutique hotel is but I assume it's pretty obviously somewhere where kids shouldn't be unless they are well behaved, like a posh restaurant, so I would not take preschool age kids there. Older kids can usually behave properly. I think though the main issue is, even if they had been badly behaved, if they were in their room or supervised, clearly they were not creating a noise, so the problem was the parents kicking them out into the hall. Why would you do that? To shag? Being able to have sex at any time you choose is not some kind of basic right so I don't get why they did that. It seems actually quite neglectful, maybe not legally but what if one of the kids had fallen down stairs or something with no parent there to see? I am surprised the hotel didn't tell them to either supervise their children or leave, because it seems pretty dangerous as well as annoying to other guests.