to be a bit depressed by friend's attitude to Santa?

[hestergraysgarden]

Friend popped in for a coffee after work. We were talking about Xmas shopping, and I mentioned that I'd bought one of those letter to Santa holders (the ones made of felt) for DS, who is too small to realise it is Christmas, but I wanted to write him a letter from Santa telling him all about who he is and what he does and the like. I thought it could be the start of a tradition for as long as he believes in Santa, and then I'll keep the letters and replies to give to him when he's old enough to get some sort of nostalgia pleasure out of them.

Okay, some people may find that vomit-inducing, which is totally fine, but I think it will be nice.

Friend looked a bit sneery at this and said that she didn't agree with lying to small children, and she won't be telling hers about Santa (and will correct them if they do start believing in him). She also expressed concern that Santa is a very disturbing concept (strange man coming down chimney) and that it is putting children at risk of succumbing to 'stranger danger'

AIBU to think that she is pissing in the mulled wine slightly? I felt a bit deflated after she'd gone and had to eat several mince pies

I think she is very rude.

However, we will not be sharing the "Santa" myth with DD, for reasons I won't go into here as it's quite personal. DD will be under strict instructions not to share this with other children. However, it does make me sad that some Mumsnetters think we are ruining Christmas for her!

I think a child's belief in Santa is beautiful. My kids get really into it...today my son told me that he saw Santa's tracks in the sky (actually plane fumes!). I think its a gorgeous thing to believe in magic for a few years...I have fab memories of trying to stay awake to see him with my cousins. Why not let them enjoy it?!

YANBU. Each to their own, but I cant believe the people I read about on here who dont do Santa because they see it as lying, I have never met anyone in real life like this.

I agree with your friend. Why feel deflated, though? You just feel differently about something minor.

Exactly my point, katherinelilyflower - it is entirely her choice, I was just a bit annoyed by the insinuation that by 'lying' to my DS about Santa I am putting him at risk of accepting sweets from strangers or getting into their car.

She's made a couple of hurtful comments before about other things which is probably why I took it to heart this time. I honestly don't think she means it maliciously, she's just not very aware of how she comes across...

No, she doesn't have kids yet.

We don't do Santa, but I'd never dream of sneering at anybody else's choices about celebrating Christmas with their children. Who does she think she is?!

Wow, she doesn't plan on ever lying to her kids.

What's she gonna say when they ask her how their singing was or if their painting is great? Little kids can't sing and can't paint properly, so is she gonna tell them they sound like a tortured cat and their picture looks like a demented spider has ran across the page?

She sounds totally anal and is completely missing the point. Parenting takes sensitivity, creativity, wisdom and a sense of humour.....and sometimes a few little untruths just to keep the magic alive before they hit the world running, with all its misery and hardship.

Yes, what hiddenhome said. Lying is not always a bad thing...I dread the day my kids realise its not real...I will be really sad

Some people take "Santa" really very seriously!

I really hate this sanctimonious 'I'll not lie to my children' crap. It's make believe, it's about imagination and creating something magical for them whilst they're young enough to believe that the world is a magical place and isn't full of the crap they'll soon see when they're growing up.

Yes some people do take Santa seriously....my son especially!

Sigh.

It is possible to respect others' right to tell their children about "Santa", and to make Christmas magical, without actually indulging in it yourself.

I can think of no other parenting decision on these boards that doesn't actually involve abuse that comes in for such a blatant kicking. I do not personally feel comfortable with "Santa" so my child is not told he exists. It does not make me sanctimonious and it does not mean Christmas is not magical.

I'm sure she'll be a great, if somewhat eccentric, Mum when her time comes. And I'm being oversensitive as its my first baby and I'm stupidly excited about his first Christmas, so wasn't expecting such a clinical response

Hesters, I'm sure it will be lovely. I'm sure your decision is right for you - my own parents told me FC existed and I gradually realised he didn't and am certainly not scarred in any way by the experience! But for us, telling DD FC is real, isn't right. No sanctimony here, from me - just enjoy Christmas your way :) and we'll do the same!

Not to suggest that being eccentric is a bad thing! Poor wording on my behalf.

I don't think I'm taking Santa too seriously. I just remember so well my own childhood belief (as well as the realisation that it wasn't real, which did not leave me psychologically scarred) and am looking forward to being on the other side of it as DS grows up. I completely respect those who don't 'do' Santa, I just think the way she expressed her opinion was a bit rude.

katherine I think it was obvious from my post that it was aimed at parent's who's reasons for not wanting to indulge in Father Christmas (why is it Santa nowadays? ha) is because they 'dont want to lie'. You've said you have your reasons but don't want to go into them, so it doesn't apply to you.

I don't lie to my children - I don't think that's sanctimonious. hiddenhome, in the case of a painting, I say something like "wow, that's so colcourful" or "you've worked really hard on that" - or the violin, "you were working really hard on that" or "well done, you held the bow really nicely" - so no, I don't tell them it's crap, but I don't blithely say everything's wonderful if it isn't, because I don't think that does them any favours either.

But that isn't what this thread is about. The OP is excited about her baby's first Christmas. Friend could have kept her opinions to herself.

Another sort of parent that comes under that post of mine is the ones who don't want to have father christmas because they want all the credit for the presents.

But I don't want to lie. I have my reasons for not wanting to lie - it is perhaps more important to us, as a family, than others - but that is still the heart of the matter. I think we have the right to make that choice without being labelled sanctimonious, to be honest!

Katherinelilyflower, I think if he outright asks me if he's real, I will tell him the truth, as by that point he will no doubt have strong suspicions ;)

My parents did the Santa thing with me but my sister was petrified of him, so they told her the truth from very early on.

I was brought up without Santa...my mum was as well as her mum was from a country where it's not really part of Christmas celebrations, she'd also been told by people how devastated they were when they found out he wasn't real, so she didn't do it.

It didn't ruin my life or anything, lol, and I have loads of happy childhood Christmas memories...but me and my sister always felt like we'd missed out somehow - especially when we were young and had to not spoil it for other children. It's quite hard when other children ask what you got from Santa and the answer is nothing.

My children had visits from Santa -but then I lied to them loads, oh that's a lovely painting (splodge), you were brilliant in that assembly (where I couldn't hear a word you said) and so on, lol.

But it is lying. You can disguise it as magic but it's telling an untruth which is lying. You can say it's with good intentions. People withhold th truth for all sorts of good reasons but it is lying. I don't know why Santa supporters deny this truth.

I respect other people's decision to celebrate Christmas in the way they choose, and wouldn't dream of spoiling it for them or their children. But it does make me sad that people think our children have no fun, magic or make-believe in their lives, because quite the opposite is true. Lots of pretend play and stories, and if they want to play santa that's fine, we just don't focus on it or try to convince them it's real. They are so excited at Christmas, and there is magic, promise!

So you'd never lie? About anything?