Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a bit depressed by friend's attitude to Santa?

129 replies

hestergraysgarden · 06/12/2013 22:57

Friend popped in for a coffee after work. We were talking about Xmas shopping, and I mentioned that I'd bought one of those letter to Santa holders (the ones made of felt) for DS, who is too small to realise it is Christmas, but I wanted to write him a letter from Santa telling him all about who he is and what he does and the like. I thought it could be the start of a tradition for as long as he believes in Santa, and then I'll keep the letters and replies to give to him when he's old enough to get some sort of nostalgia pleasure out of them.

Okay, some people may find that vomit-inducing, which is totally fine, but I think it will be nice.

Friend looked a bit sneery at this and said that she didn't agree with lying to small children, and she won't be telling hers about Santa (and will correct them if they do start believing in him). She also expressed concern that Santa is a very disturbing concept (strange man coming down chimney) and that it is putting children at risk of succumbing to 'stranger danger' Confused

AIBU to think that she is pissing in the mulled wine slightly? I felt a bit deflated after she'd gone and had to eat several mince pies Grin

OP posts:
squoosh · 07/12/2013 03:57

OP your friend sounds like a smug, joyless, pain in the bum. How rude of her to piss on your parade regardless of her own beliefs.

On MN it seems to be quite common that parents don't tell their children about Santa, in all my 36 years I've never met anyone in real life who feels like this.

Having said that I would always respect the parents' decision but privately feel sad for any child denied the Santa myth. And yes, I would absolutely 'get shitty' with anyone who took it upon themselves to enlighten my child.

RiceBurner · 07/12/2013 03:58

AgentZigzag ... Appreciated your reply. Good to know that we can have different views & still be on good terms! Xmas Smile

AgentZigzag · 07/12/2013 04:11

We'll get kicked off AIBU permanently if we're caught Rice.

SconeRhymesWithGone · 07/12/2013 04:25

I certainly don't go around disabusing small children about Santa. But I will not say "what did Santa bring you?" I'll say "what did you get for Christmas?" If they start talking about Santa, I just say, "how nice."

What I do have a problem with is how some parents have perpetuated the myth so forcefully that older children still believe. I think it's one thing for little ones to think Santa is real; at that age reality and fantasy are often blurred anyway. But I think it is quite another thing for parents to expect that the Santa myth be protected by all and sundry for someone on the verge of secondary school.

sleepywombat · 07/12/2013 04:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SconeRhymesWithGone · 07/12/2013 04:45

Oh, and on the FC/Santa question somone raised upthread, I'm no expert, but I think it is generally:

FC: England
Santa: Scotland, Ireland, US

Father Christmas had a more secular evolution than Santa Claus, but at some point they merged into the same figure with different names.

squoosh · 07/12/2013 05:02

'Oh, and on the FC/Santa question somone raised upthread, I'm no expert, but I think it is generally:

FC: England
Santa: Scotland, Ireland, US

Yes, definitely. I'm Irish and say 'Santa'. Anyone saying 'Father Christmas' would be met with baffled expressions. In fact in Ireland he's generally referred to to as Santy.

gamerchick · 07/12/2013 05:31

Op your friend sounds like a little ray of sunshine as do a few people on his thread.

I'm really glad it's only on the Internet because irl even the most bah humbug type doesn't mind kids believing in santa.

Has the world got that shit that kids can't believe in magic anymore.

LtEveDallas · 07/12/2013 05:55

I quite happily lie to my child whenever I need to. I tell her that her Tutu looks great with wellies, that her best friend is a lovely girl, not a pain in the arse, that her rabbits really do love her and that her singing and cornet playing brings joy to the house.

I also went overboard with Father Christmas; reindeer food, mince pies, magic keys and snowy footprints. The joy on her face made Christmas for me. I have never been happier than the Christmas morning when he left her a map and footprints to follow to find her first real bike.

She's 8 now, and some bastard spoilt it all for her last year :( . Last week she actually said that she "misses Santa" - so we have agreed to pretend that we still both believe. We will do all the mince pies and reindeer food shit and happily lie to each other throughout the month.

It's fun, we both enjoy it and we'll carry on no matter what (this year she wants to do a stocking for the dog too, and has been busy telling her all about Santa Paws who only comes to good dogs Smile). I reckon DD will look back on her childhood 'lies' and enjoy them.

MistressDeeCee · 07/12/2013 06:49

To be honest I dont believe children who believe in Santa for a while when theyre young, grow up to be especially traumatised and horrified at all about it. Now - adults going on about it and putting their own horrible slant on it - whether that be that Santa is a paedo, or children shouldnt believe in a Christmas myths - theyre the worst ones. Unable to just for a minute look at the world through a child's eyes, they have to stick their cynicism and sense of what is 'right' (from an adult pov of course) onto everything. I had comments about my DDs believing in Santa up to 8 years old and didnt care less what anyone else thought - I had a couple of friends who had 'THE CONVO' with me about it but my DCs arent any of their business, just as their DCs arent any of mine. Each to their own. Believing in a little wonder/magic for a time does no harm, IMHO. For others who find that wrong in some way well then, theyll deal with it however they do with their own DCs..theyve no right to spoil it for others or dictate to parents about it, tho. Minding their own business is best option.

HoobleDooble · 07/12/2013 07:53

Having gone through a horrible, traumatic ECS under general anaesthetic, and a subsequent womb infection, just before Christmas 5 years ago. I'm now, personally, more likely to believe in flying reindeer and magical men in red suits, than in a woman being able to give birth, unassisted, in a cattle shed, without dying either during, or afterwards. Wink

Seriously though, each to there own, I know that my 5 yo DS's expiry date for believing in FC/SC is rapidly approaching now he's started school, and I have no intention of lying to him once he seriously questions it, but I wouldn't swap seeing the excitement on his face last Christmas Eve for anything in the world. Xmas Smile

pictish · 07/12/2013 08:02

Look - she was simply expressing her view...that's all.
You don't have to feel offended by it....and I doubt she intended you to.

I live for the whole Santa schizzle...I love the kids excitement and the magic surrounding all that....but the fact is that more and more people are refuting the tradition these days, for the reasons she stated.

She can think and do whatever she likes. Unless she was horrible to you, I would just write it off an opinion expressed that was relevant to the discussion, and not dwell on it. Don't be so sensitive - she can be sneery about Santa if she likes. It's not an attack on you.

Rosesarebeautiful · 07/12/2013 08:04

I think that last point is a good point. Once my kids figured out about Santa I just told the truth. I didn't lie to them

But earlier than that it was just a fairy story for a young child. And it was a part of the magic of childhood

Original poster
hestergraysgarden · 07/12/2013 08:35

pictish you are right, I shouldn't be so sensitive. There's a bit of back story to why I was hurt by her comment (i.e. other remarks that have been tactless and condescending) but I'm sure she isn't aware of it and doesn't mean it maliciously, which is why I vented here instead of casting a pall over the friendship. She's lovely in other ways.

I'm surprised by the number of replies to be honest, but then I guess it's an emotive subject. It's been really interesting to read both sides of the argument.

For the record I do respect her opinion, it's just the fact that she came across as belittling mine that upset me at the time. If it continues then I'm perfectly capable of standing up for myself but for the time being I'll just smile and have another mince pie nod.

In other news, DH claims to have it from a reliable source that Santa prefers port to sherry and we shall be putting out a glass of the good stuff this year. I'm not to worry as he will deal with it Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
hestergraysgarden · 07/12/2013 08:38

Also, I'm quite surprised the debate on the thread has been so ... er ... reasonable. I'd worried it would just descend into a bun fight but here we are playing nicely.

Are we all drunk?

OP posts:
cheesypastaplease · 07/12/2013 08:41

Before I started using mumsnet I had never met anyone who didn't do the whole Santa thing. It is a magical part of childhood. The look on dd's face last year when she spotted snowy footprints in the hall on Christmas morning was priceless.

I remember my own days of believing in Santa, the excitement was wonderful. And I received a Santa sack every Christmas until I was 18 - he's a good old guy really!

Original poster
hestergraysgarden · 07/12/2013 08:50

cheesypastaplease I'm pushing thirty and still have a stocking [embarassed] - although that's all I get from DH, as we usually buy something we need for the house in lieu of Christmas presents. For us, I mean. DS won't be getting a washing machine or anything Grin

And my Dad still, without fail, buys each one of his daughters a pair of new pajamas for Christmas, which we all dutifully change into if we are doing Christmas at his house....

OP posts:
Original poster
hestergraysgarden · 07/12/2013 08:50

Emoticon fail Blush

OP posts:
Mama1980 · 07/12/2013 08:57

I think your friend was a little rude. Each to their own and she shouldn't have belittled your views though.
I don't do Father Christmas as such, I told my son about Father Christmas as a story in the same way that I tell many stories, it's up to him to decide. He said he didn't think he was real at 4. and I said that fine, It's up to him. However he is utterly convinced that dragons exist or existed once, I tell him I don't agree but who's to say I'm right?

pictish · 07/12/2013 09:02

When I worked out the truth about Santa...I did not feel deceived or lied to at all. I felt very loved. Loved because my mum had gone to all that effort to create something magical for me. And loved because I was astonished that all those wonderful presents that I had been so delighted by, were from her!

I remember saying "So you got me the Barbie house...and the doll's pram and crib the year before, and the tape recorder and...and..and"
You get the gist.

I disagree with the Santa miseries...I think they take themselves far too seriously...but meh...it's up to them. To me, it's the closest thing to actual magic we will ever know in our lifetime. Smile Their loss.

hollyisalovelyname · 07/12/2013 09:06

What???
There's no Santa!!!
Don't be ridiculous.

4athomeand1cooking · 07/12/2013 09:08

My daughter is about to turn 11, I thought she must know the truth for years but kept quiet as we have 3 lo's who still believe.

This year I decided to discuss it with her, she had an inkling but chose to continue believing. She said I had lied (we have a very open relationship where lying is not an option) i explained that Creating magic is different (had she asked me outright I would have told her the truth) plus I pointed out that as a parent I was entitled to tell white lies to keep them all in order otherwise how would mum and dad get them in bed for a kiss under the mistletoe! At this she screwed her nose up, said gross and walked out! End of conversation and no counselling needed. I have still written from Santa on all her pressies and probably will until she is 25.

More than ever I have noticed her talking to her younger siblings about Santa and what he will bring which makes me think she appreciates the magic it creates for such a short time.

Having said that none of the other children in our family do Santa but everyone respects each decision. Magic can be created in so many different ways, we just choose to use Santa to do that others might have a yearly tradition that creates that warm glow!

intitgrand · 07/12/2013 09:09

i don t think anyone disputes that what parents tell their dc about santa is , io itself , nobody else ' s business . The only dispute is about what happens io the playground .should young non believing children be expected to keep up a pretence for their believing peers . That is the crux

Stropzilla · 07/12/2013 09:16

I don't lie to my kids about father Christmas.

I willingly participate in a campaign of misinformation.

I would never lie!

Casmama · 07/12/2013 09:18

OP I think most of us spouted a lot of nonsense about the kind of parents we would be before we had kids- and then find ourselves doing the complete opposite. She may change her mind or she may not but don't let it worry you.

Swipe left for the next trending thread