to be a bit depressed by friend's attitude to Santa?

[hestergraysgarden]

Friend popped in for a coffee after work. We were talking about Xmas shopping, and I mentioned that I'd bought one of those letter to Santa holders (the ones made of felt) for DS, who is too small to realise it is Christmas, but I wanted to write him a letter from Santa telling him all about who he is and what he does and the like. I thought it could be the start of a tradition for as long as he believes in Santa, and then I'll keep the letters and replies to give to him when he's old enough to get some sort of nostalgia pleasure out of them.

Okay, some people may find that vomit-inducing, which is totally fine, but I think it will be nice.

Friend looked a bit sneery at this and said that she didn't agree with lying to small children, and she won't be telling hers about Santa (and will correct them if they do start believing in him). She also expressed concern that Santa is a very disturbing concept (strange man coming down chimney) and that it is putting children at risk of succumbing to 'stranger danger'

AIBU to think that she is pissing in the mulled wine slightly? I felt a bit deflated after she'd gone and had to eat several mince pies

Personally, to my child, no, I would not.

I would withhold the truth if necessary but I would not lie.

Genuine question by the way!

I'm really glad my mum and stepdad 'lied'. I really am because I have so many good memories of Christmas and waiting for Father Christmas and the like. It's something I'll continue with my children, although I don't think DS will understand the concept unfortunately.

thenames, that's much how I feel :)

When DD is older the plan is just to tell her FC is the magic of Christmas. Which he is. I believe in that without believing in the actual figure, I just believe in what it represents.

I suppose I see it as encouraging his imagination. I know there are other ways of doing this, and of course Christmas would still be magical without him. Each to their own :)

I have good memories of Christmas but I have to say they aren't exclusively or even mainly linked to FC. Perhaps that's why I'm not sentimental about it.

katherine

Okay fair does. I'm just wondering how you'd answer things like 'does it hurt' or 'did they suffer', 'mum am I really that bad'. I'd find that really hard I think.

That's a lovely way of putting it, katherinelilyflower.

About the magic of Christmas, I mean. This thread is moving to fast for my fat fingers!

Witholding the truth if precisely the same as lying. I promised DS when he was young I would never lie to him or bullshit him. His dad is a violent wanker i banned from our lives, and my honesty to him (about this and other issues) is a vital part of my parenting. He grilled me age six about santa and I admitted the truth to him. I hated lying anyway, I was only going along with it to socially conform. DS is now 7 and I spend a large part of my life helping him to understand human relationships and the way the world works, to help him come to terms with his dad's absence. It woul d be absurd if I undid all of that by lying to him about some mythical being that could not possibly logically be true.

Well she be ruining other kids christmases too as her dcs will tell their friends.She may as well not bother with christmas at all.Why cant people let children enjoy a bit of magic?Christmas is never the same once santa is gone.

Sorry hester slight derailment from me

I can't stand Santa, but I did used to lie to my kids about him. They both figured out that he doesn't exist at about the age of 8. It hasn't harmed them and they both have find memories of visiting him and leaving food out.

I lied, so shoot me

I hate Santa.

Father Christmas on the other hand....

'I can think of no other parenting decision on these boards that doesn't actually involve abuse that comes in for such a blatant kicking.'

Apart from bf/ff, blw, where you send them to school, how you discipline them etc etc etc.

You probably have a specific reason why you say 'it is perhaps more important to us, as a family, than others', but it's the way it leaves it open that other families put less emphasis on being strictly truthful, which is kind of linking them to being deceitful.

And the 'sigh' makes it look a bit....as well

I'm with hiddenhome and lie to my DDs all the time, DD1 thought for years that I really did have eyes in the back of my head

My mum was very strict on telling the truth, but she made a real effort at Christmas to get us into the FC spirit, I swear I could hear the bells she could hear when she was trying to get us to sleep once

agent my mum used to make the bloody poor dog run around in the garden with bells on his collar...

I don't see it as the same as lying at all! If my DD heard us having sex, I would be able to offer an explanation that wasn't lying but didn't go into the whole detail, which wouldn't be age-appropriate.

I would tell my DD something would hurt, if it did, yes. She isn't bad :) so why would I say she is? "Did they suffer" - depending on context, this is a time withholding the full truth might be advisable but on the whole I'd be truthful. It's just sometimes about how much of the truth you share.

Limited - Christmas is a lovely time of year, I have enjoyed every single one, with or without FC. You can believe in magic without believing in FC.

Anybody who says they never lie.......is a liar

And anybody who really doesn't ever lie is a humourless anal retentive

'I don't know why Santa supporters deny this truth.'

Hahahaha

I'm a FC Supporter and I don't have any problem at all with it being a lie.

Any parent who thinks their child won't blab at school is delusional frankly, especially before the age of 7 when they learn more sense.

So those of you that don't do Santa/Father Christmas...how do your DC deal with other children asking them about it?

I hated it - I knew they believed in him, so I wasn't supposed to say that he wasn't real, but they often asked what he'd brought and I didn't want to lie...I'm pretty sure I ruined loads of classmates belief by accident.

katherine withholding true is akin to lying, in my opinion anyway. You can't really just refuse to answer, so it would have to be some twist on the truth to protect them from the real answer. I think it would be really difficult to be honest and don't envy you. A few white lies can sooth pain, solve problems and put minds at rest.

Every family is different but really it doesnt matter either way.I hope ds believes for a long time but I doubt he will.He certainly loves the concept now and we are enjoying our christmases more now we have ds because its kind of brought that magic feeling back into ours.

'I'm just wondering how you'd answer things like 'does it hurt' or 'did they suffer', 'mum am I really that bad'. I'd find that really hard I think.'

I was wondering that too Baubles, but when DD1's asked about things I didn't think she was ready to learn about (serious shit like suicide/murder that I knew would play on her mind) I've just told her I would talk about it to her when she was a little older.

Agent you see, on the FF/BF threads and the school ones I would tend to say that bar a few exceptions, "your baby, your choice" rules.

But FC -

We have two reasons for being honest about FC. The first and most pertinent to us is that my DH is not my DD's biological father. To conceive her, we used an anonymous sperm donation as DH had such low sperm count, and what he had was allegedly low-quality.

As per advice, we shall be honest with DD about her conception. But the potential for confusion about "Father Christmas" (not real) and her biological father (real) is quite big. What we don't want - can't have - is any room for doubting us whatsoever. She needs to know we will always be honest with her.

The fact DD is here at all is a kind of magic - the magic of scientific advancements, the kindness of strangers and miracles. If that doesn't embody the Christmas spirit, what does!?

FloozeyLoozey, I do understand you position, but would you imply to your friends that their parenting skills are somehow lacking if they have a different opinion? That's what upset me, not the difference in opinion.