To Think My Ex's Alpha Church 'mates' Overstepped The Mark?

[absoluteidiot]

Here's the scenario. My ex convicted this summer, found guilty of harassing me. His two character witnesses (not allowed to take stand as he had a previous conviction for harassing another woman) were two very young looking 'men' from his church's Alpha Course.

The church were fully aware he was harassing me. He completed the Alpha course DURING the time he was harassing me so hasn't found god and been 'cured' since.

He was caught lying in court, where he pleaded Not Guilty. The two character witnesses heard all the proceedings which exposed ten years' worth of harassing women, and heard a District Judge pronounce him Guilty. They know what he did and that he lied in court, denying it.

Though found Guilty, at sentencing the Alpha males were allowed to be character witnesses which must have helped. He got a suspended sentence, and a leg tag, which was removed a few days ago. It had imposed a curfew on him, making it impossible for him to turn up here. Previously the judge had said it was at the severe end of harassment and the police had always felt so too. We were led to believe it would be a custodial sentence as it wasn't a first offence, and his first offence was also so bad he had a 5 mth sentence.

Now today, on FB, he has posted a picture of him, his vicar, the two character witness boys and their WAGs 'celebrating' (out for a meal in London, presumably celebrating removal of the leg tag).

Previously his Twitter Feed and FB has been full of supportive messages encouraging this woman harassing lunatic, from fellow Alpha course graduates.

Am I being unreasonable being incensed that these people are openly supporting a man who harassed women? And appear to be celebrating and congratulating him for getting away with it?

I agree completely with you, not sure what line he must have fed them to get that type of support. Or perhaps they are coming from the forgiveness angle. Either way, it's extremely dodgy to celebrate someone not getting properly punished.

But- don't look at his FB or Twitter feed ever again. If you can, move on from this- otherwise the torture continues- are you well supported yourself?

He hadn't got away with it - he has completed his sentence. Which I think was too light obviously but it's the judges call.

I'm guessing they're going to be really in his face to support him (convert him ) so that he doesn't do it again

YANBU to be incensed at the support he appears to be getting.

However YABU to keep looking at his Twitter and Facebook. Why are you doing that?

Gosh Friday, seems you've met some really crazy people.

I don't know any churches like that but I'm sure there are some. Obviously there's no way of telling if that's the minority of churches that the op's ex is in.

Absolute - if you can look at his facebook then he could be looking at yours too.

Do yourself a favour and block him.

I'm afraid I am not very surprised by what you say. There are times when "hate the sin, love the sinner" translates into "as long as you are in my evangelical gang, you can do no wrong".

Being pragmatic, let us hope that they will keep a close eye on him so he can't reoffend.

What is an Alpha course? I don't know anyone who goes to church and I have never heard of them.

It sounds like you are definitely not being unreasonable whatever it turns out to be.

Although maybe you should avoid his facebook/twitter feeds, unless perhaps you need to keep an eye on him for your own safety.

I look at it daily, because he has threatened to turn up on my doorstep. Court orders from the Family Court (prohibited steps orders which the godbotherers knew about) but since this case, he was finally given an (indefinite) restraining order - so I am told if he now turns up, it is Go To Jail Do Not Pass Go.

But I have spent ten years expecting this twat to turn up on my doorstep one day (Family Court denied him even access to kids) and by seeing where he is and what he is doing, I feel safer as I can then face the day knowing he is 200 miles away...

Why "celebrate"? And OK, if they wanted to do it, why take photos and boast about it?

Alpha course is some evangelistic speaking in tongues woo, apparently. He was doing it whilst harassing me - and others. Coppers told me when they arrested, they discovered a different police force entirely had served him with a harassment warning on someone else's behalf only the day before. So even if he has left me alone - so far - there are other victims out there.

Church were fully aware. Apparently a Covenant of Care is some feeble promise to behave they impose on known sex offenders etc who want to go to church. When I asked the vicar via email if that meant he had to behave outside the church, he said "No." So basically, he could expose himself to old ladies, or harass whoever he liked so long as he sits still in his pew of a Sunday.

They were also aware he pays not a penny (never has) to support his kids, and whilst he holidays abroad, and gets feted and has fun, his kids live on minimum wage with no holidays or anything. So yes they do seem to be celebrating misogyny.

Alpha courses are run for people to find out more about Christianity so, though those who lead it are Christians, those who attend aren't necessarily. I am unsure from what you write as to which category the character witnesses fall.

Eek. I can see why you'd be incensed, being harrassed is awful. Would it help to take the view that maybe they are seeing him doing the alpha course as a kind of acknowledgement of a need, & their support is to try to help him keep on the straight & narrow? Christian's aren't called to exclude or judge as such (the view being we all need Jesus & none of us is perfect) but are to try & encourage each other in their walks of faith - if this lot are really Christians then I'd hope that there would be some firm challenging of his behaviour going on too, challenging him to do the right thing...I guess he'd not want to talk about that on fb or twitter though! Maybe they see the removal of the tag as the end of the sentence & the chance for a fresh start?

I really hope it is this, & that with their support (& hopefully God at work in him) he really will change for the better & leave you alone to recover. I wouldn't take their support of him as condonement of his behaviour, Jesus hung around with all sorts of "dodgy" (to say the least - taxpayers for eg! !) people so they are probably trying to be His hands & feet to help reach someone who, by the sounds of it, very much needs God to help give him a big change of attitude & direction in his life.

I'm really sorry to hear you were on the receiving end of such awful behaviour, I do hope you're doing ok - try & not let him continue to have space in your head (so, so easy for me to say I know!)

All the best, I hope you are able to find peace after all this & have a lovely Christmas without bother from your ex.

The fact you're checking his Facebook and Twitter feeds is more concerning to me than the support he's getting from anyone else.

Nah, I use fake name and have full privacy settings. I only FB my old mates from uni, and family.

I live in a remote place - have felt vulnerable for the whole decade this has been going on. So for me, knowledge is power. Knowing where this dick is, keeps my kids and me safe. Coppers seemed to think I was doing the right thing (they gave me new locks and security lights as well, which was a plus).

What sort of 'church' would want to support a criminal, and even risk acting in a way publicly that might be interpreted as supporting his crimes? I still don't get it. The new start thing is rubbish as they know he is doing this to other people, and the fact I got it as far as court, didn't stop him continuing to email others.

What sort of 'church' would want to support a criminal, and even risk acting in a way publicly that might be interpreted as supporting his crimes? I still don't get it.

Actual support is fine: churches are the main driving force between Support Circles and they have proven to be very effective in reducing offending behaviour.

But a vicar who just goes out for dinner to celebrate an offender getting away with it, and is happy to post a photograph of the celebration, isn't supporting, it's enabling, minimising and encouraging. But then, it's the Alpha Course, morality is unlikely to figure.

There guys Iguess only saw him at church.Surely it is perfectly possible they did not know the extent of or even the fact he was harassing you.
They were just speaking as they found him I would imagine

Actually, true Christians should have encouraged your XP to own his wrong doings, make restitution, take his punishment and to seek redeem himself. I sometimes wonder if some Christians read the New Testament with any insight or understanding. Luke 6:31('Do unto others...'), and Matthew 5:22-6 also comes to mind.

Are you suggesting that Alpha Courses and the con-evo churches that host them are full of amoral shits who use religion as a shield for being misogynistic, vile excuses for humanity, and that Christians are relaxed about almost any sort of crime so long as it's being done by a fellow Christian? Who knew?

Word

Nah, they knew because when I contacted the vicar these 2 bozos were the ones the church put in charge of him as part of the Covenant of Care nonsense. They read my emails, as I gave vicar permission to share with his pastoral 'team' - and in those emails I was careful to outline his past form, etc as well as the extent of the current harrasment. Because at that point I didnt want to go to the police if these people, who appeared to be in his life, could deal with it.

I also contacted them as he mentioned them in the emails and copied the vicar in. The emails were full of rubbish about me 'abducting' my own kids (well no, the courts gave me full custody). So I wanted to put the record straight. I finally contacted them when one email mentioned he was volunteering for the church - to express my concern as I knew he had a conviction and so that implied they hadn't run a CRB. He claimed to be volunteering with the elderly. My dad, when elderly had had a lot of support from the local (non evangelical) church, so I panicked thinking he might be conning OAPs.

I should probably report the church to someone for letting a lunatic with a criminal record volunteer. Or out them.

Actually, true Christians should have encouraged your XP to own his wrong doings, make restitution, take his punishment and to seek redeem himself

Yeah. When a Christian is caught out as a child abuser, do other Christians (a) take measures to protect children by ensuing that the offender no longer has access, and involves police and social services in order to both deliver justice and help the victims recover or (b) cover it up, move the offender to somewhere else so that he can continue to abuse, and then blackmail the children and their parents into remaining silent? Sorry, I can't quite hear you, could you speak up a bit?