To Think My Ex's Alpha Church 'mates' Overstepped The Mark?

[absoluteidiot]

Here's the scenario. My ex convicted this summer, found guilty of harassing me. His two character witnesses (not allowed to take stand as he had a previous conviction for harassing another woman) were two very young looking 'men' from his church's Alpha Course.

The church were fully aware he was harassing me. He completed the Alpha course DURING the time he was harassing me so hasn't found god and been 'cured' since.

He was caught lying in court, where he pleaded Not Guilty. The two character witnesses heard all the proceedings which exposed ten years' worth of harassing women, and heard a District Judge pronounce him Guilty. They know what he did and that he lied in court, denying it.

Though found Guilty, at sentencing the Alpha males were allowed to be character witnesses which must have helped. He got a suspended sentence, and a leg tag, which was removed a few days ago. It had imposed a curfew on him, making it impossible for him to turn up here. Previously the judge had said it was at the severe end of harassment and the police had always felt so too. We were led to believe it would be a custodial sentence as it wasn't a first offence, and his first offence was also so bad he had a 5 mth sentence.

Now today, on FB, he has posted a picture of him, his vicar, the two character witness boys and their WAGs 'celebrating' (out for a meal in London, presumably celebrating removal of the leg tag).

Previously his Twitter Feed and FB has been full of supportive messages encouraging this woman harassing lunatic, from fellow Alpha course graduates.

Am I being unreasonable being incensed that these people are openly supporting a man who harassed women? And appear to be celebrating and congratulating him for getting away with it?

Actually helping, changing, someone like that does not require 'stomach' but skills, insight, training and enough of those to know when you're out of your depth.

Christians don't have the monopoly on ignorant, naive 'do-gooding' which wastes time, resources and risks making serious situations much worse. Some of them do have quite a history of it and a desire to perpetuate it.

It's incredibly self-serving, self-righteous behaviour, making yourself feel good, or that you're 'saving souls', by meddling, in ignorance, in other people's lives. Yes there are secular variants of the same behaviour but they all need to be recognised for what they are, not excused as naive people 'trying heir best', because they aren't.

Well said, lottie, well said.

smugly claiming to be better than the rest of us

ah hahahahaha.

YOur stuff, friday.

What sort of 'church' would want to support a criminal, and even risk acting in a way publicly that might be interpreted as supporting his crimes?

Plenty of churches and other religious institutes OP all over the world, sadly victim blaming is common and accepted in some small pockets of communities. There are plenty of people that use any religion to justify and excuse themselves, not all obviously, sadly in this case you have the small pocket' in this particular community who are obviously like-minded. I feel for you OP, because it sounds like this man gets away with shit he shouldn't be, I also feel sorry for anyone in that community who is a victim-constantly surrounded by victim blamers and excusers.

It's horrifying and disgusting that these things happen but you only have to look at certain small towns where someone has been accused of rape , the town rallied around the rapists and made the victim into the monster. Look at the rape cases that anonymous was investigating, the towns turned on the poor victims, one of which was 12!

Why it happens, I'm not sure. I do think personally that part of it is a selfish self-preservation tool of not wanting to accept the truth because if you accept that they are harassing, abusive etc, then it somehow says something about you for having liked or been related to that person. Denial and delusion are easier. Another part is pure shittiness, thinking somehow they are better and those they see as 'lesser' are fair game and 'mob mentality'.

I'm sorry you're going through this OP. Have you had any counselling? Could you perhaps ask a friend to check his fb occasionally as someone suggested? I know you want that reassurance but it's not that much of one given how easily people lie on social media and it just seems to be making you feel more and more upset as you see him merily going about his way supported by twats.

Odd question, do you have any pets? And do you like dogs? I know a good friend of mine who was abused and harassed by a neighbour for a year felt terrified by his threats when he was evicted. We knew she wanted a god and get her a lab pup, the pup's grown now but she gave my friend a great focus and distraction (training the pup) and when fully grown she gave my friend the extra security feel. If you don't have a would like then a dog could go a long way towards de-stressing and reassuring you and will give you as much love and loyalty back as you give them.

We all want a god Mia

Woof woof

Aw hell blushes I meant dog you two! Although a hunky Greek God would be a treat, for sure

Dogs are divine, it's an understandable typo :)

And yes, a pet could be lovely if the OP feels up to the extra responsibility long term.

This is true beastofburden :)

Mia, I have a dog. She is nearly 14, blind, has dementia and sleeps all day! She has meant a lot to me this past decade. In fact another thing that set my alarm bells ringing about this bloke was seeing the unkind way he pushed her off the sofa (when he thought I wasn't looking). Although she wasn't hurt, she never liked him - not surprisingly. That was around the time I was already cutting ties. I find cruel people do seem to be attracted to religion. My stepmother was the same. We once caught her hitting our dog with a rolled up newspaper to 'teach it a lesson'. We walked out of the house.