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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want my DS to have his own room??

124 replies

Carlat86 · 03/12/2013 23:34

My DP and I have recently had a baby and are looking at buying a house. We need at least 3 bedrooms because he has children from a previous relationship 1D (13) + 2S (12 + 7). The house we are renting at the moment has 3 bedrooms with SD in her own room and SS1 & 2 in a room. DS is 4 months old and still in with us.
We only have the SC every other weekend due to DP work commitments. They don't spend much time in their rooms, they literally sleep there and that's all, they don't even get changed in there they do that in the bathroom.
With our budget we are struggling to find 4 bedroom places and my feeling is why should we? I would like to have the 3 SC in a double bedroom and DS has a room of his own. It seems perfectly fair to me as he lives here full time so shouldn't have to share his space with his 2 brothers. DP is not happy with this at all but doesn't seem to be offering any alternative. AIBU to ask 3 SC to share a room?

OP posts:
BrianTheMole · 03/12/2013 23:38

I can't see the problem personally. Don't think the 13 year old should share with the boys at age 13. And it is only every other weekend.

AntlersInAllOfMyDecorating · 03/12/2013 23:38

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rabbitlady · 03/12/2013 23:39

your ds should have his own room as a full-time resident, but you can't expect a 13 year old girl to share a bedroom with her 12 and 7 year old brothers. you need four bedrooms.

OutragedFromLeeds · 03/12/2013 23:39

I don't think you can have a teen girl in with the boys tbh. You could have your DS in with his brothers though? Have the three boys in one big room and DSD in the smallest/box room.

BobPatSamandIgglePiggle · 03/12/2013 23:41

Could your son have a room with special space for dsd? Then the dss could stay together? Is dsd the type to like that? My niece does similar with her baby brother - likes sharing with him.

I wouldn't expect dsd to lump in with the 2 older boys.

rach6122 · 03/12/2013 23:42

Yanbu I would want him to have his own room too as he is there all the time. But agree the 13 year old girl should not have to share with the boys.

BaronessBomburst · 03/12/2013 23:43

You need four bedrooms. It's not appropriate to expect a 13 year old girl to share with her brothers, especially as they too will be reaching puberty soon. Sorry, I know it's not what you wanted to hear but I agree with DH.

RedLondonBus · 03/12/2013 23:45

He's 4 months!
No way should you expect a 13 year old girl to share with her brothers! This time next year one brother will also be a teen! Ridiculous

DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 03/12/2013 23:49

You need four bedrooms I think. You can't expect her to share with her brothers, not at that age and not as she's growing up.

SaucyJack · 03/12/2013 23:50

I don't think YABU. It is not a big deal for your step-children to share for one weekend a fortnight. A child will not die in screaming agony from occasionally sharing a room with a sibling of the opposite sex.

Original poster
Carlat86 · 03/12/2013 23:52

If they spent more time in their rooms then I would be a bit more understanding but all they do is sleep there for the one night every fortnight.
DS is 4 months but buying a house is a 25 year commitment so need to think about these things now. Our budget just would not stretch to 4 bedrooms, it just about stretches to 3 bedrooms.
Also, if I ever thought any of them wold come and live on a more full time basis then I would consider DS sharing a bit more but that just won't happen.. And that's not me saying I don't want them to live here with us in the future.

OP posts:
YoureBeingASillyBilly · 03/12/2013 23:54

So 3 older children (including two teens) all sharing one room whilst a four month old has his own room?

Yes that's fair Hmm

OutragedFromLeeds · 03/12/2013 23:54

Is that the aim? To get through the day with no-one dying in screaming agony?! I've been aiming slightly higher! GrinWink

You want to get over to the stately home threads Saucy, tell 'em they're all ok because none of them died in screaming agony.

OutragedFromLeeds · 03/12/2013 23:56

Why can't DS share with his brothers one night a fortnight then? If it's no problem for DSD, it's no problem for DS is it? Given that he is 4 months old he'll definitely care less as well.

DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 03/12/2013 23:57

Can you not make sure your son has a larger room, so the 2 boys can share with him when the come? Get pull out beds or something. They have some brilliant beds that do that now.

heidihole · 03/12/2013 23:57

The girl should share with the baby when she stays and the two bigger boys share.

jacks365 · 03/12/2013 23:58

And in a couple of years when they are 15 and 14 would you still think it ok that they share or how about 17 and 16? Still ok? Get the 3 bedrooms and put all your sc in together and you can guarantee they won't keep visiting for long as they will feel unwelcome and second best. Yabvu

hallowisitmeyourelookingfor · 03/12/2013 23:58

I too don't think your step children can all share a bedroom at their ages. Would you have a dining room or similar that the boys could take over for weekends, get an air bed or something, could be quite fun maybe? Not perfect, especially as when they get older they may prefer to spend some more time in their room, but hopefully in a couple of years when when your ds is older, they will all be able to share.
On the one hand, I do think you need to make adequate sleeping provisions for all your DC, but at the same time, for the sake of 1 or 2 nights a fortnight it doesn't seem too much of a hardship.
However, you have 4 children between you, things may become financially difficult but from your wording you do make it sound like your ds comes before your step dc because he is 'yours' and your SDC aren't. I'm sure that's not how you meant it, but it did read a little like that.
Good luck either way.

BrianTheMole · 03/12/2013 23:59

Your ds will probably like sharing with his big brothers.

IneedAsockamnesty · 03/12/2013 23:59

For one night every 2 weeks I don't see the problem with them sharing.

Guessing the girl has her own room at her home ( the house she actually lives in) when your sons not sharing with you why should he never have his own room just so someone who already has there own room can have another one.

SaucyJack · 03/12/2013 23:59

Stop being so outraged, Outraged..........

It's not ideal obviously, but it really isn't a big deal to bunk in with siblings if necessary. It's just modern-day hysteria.

I grew up with a similar-aged brother. We managed to successfully not have sex when sharing a bedroom as children.

curlew · 04/12/2013 00:00

What is the reason that a girl can't share a room with her brothers once a fortnight?

NoAddedSuga · 04/12/2013 00:00

Yanbu

Im not sure how you are going to resolve the situation though

Could the dsd sleep on a camp bed in the lounge?

RedLondonBus · 04/12/2013 00:00

They might want to spend more time in their rooms as they are getting older?

DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 04/12/2013 00:00

At 15 I wouldn't have been sharing a room with my brothers, full stop. Not a chance. I love them to pieces but just... no. Plus she's not going to stay 15. What about when she's older. Also when she's getting older she might need time on her own at the weekend, to study or whatever so she needs somewhere I would have thought.

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