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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Christmas collection for teacher.

144 replies

sillyoldfool · 03/12/2013 03:54

I'm sure this has been done to death but anyway...
Dd1 is in y2. An email has been sent to all patents saying there's going to be a collection for an Xmas gift from the class, we're to give £5 each. If you give a fiver they'll give you a sticky label for your child to write a message on for the card.
Aibu to think a, a fiver is a lot, there should just be a collection and people should give what they want/can afford. And b, all the children in the class should get a label, regardless of their parents contribution? It just seems a bit mean and exclusive and just not in the spirit of Xmas!
This is a state primary school btw, albeit one in a leafy, wealthy area.

OP posts:
ItsIgginningToLookALotLikeXmas · 03/12/2013 23:16

30 small gifts = 1 gift of financial value. Why is one ok but the other not? Anyway if gift comes from all, then the teacher can hardly favour a child because of the gift - ie no conflict of interest.
It only happens in primary schools so no issue with exams/internal assessments.

ilovesooty · 03/12/2013 23:20

No need to declare the bag of Twirls and Christmas tree decoration I will be giving my dd's teacher ro the tax man

No...I wouldn't think so. Grin Thanks for clarifying.

I was thinking more of the sort of gifts mentioned here:

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/8588733.stm

ravenAK · 03/12/2013 23:20

'It only happens in primary schools so no issue with exams/internal assessments.'

Bugger, missed a trick there. Up to my ears in GCSE Controlled Assessments & it never even occurred to me to drop hints to year 10 about a Xmas whipround. Hmm

FatOwl · 04/12/2013 00:03

We have class reps, and I have been one in the past. Never ever again.

Shitty arsey parents, who think your "job" is to sort out all the problems in the class, X has fallen out with Y, I didn't like the way the teacher spoke to my precious snowflake, "you" need to do something about it type of thing. Plus the endless requests from the PTA to man stalls at xmas/summer fairs (the sponsored bounce upthread really made me laugh) , reading rotas, and the dreaded teacher collection.

Our school did have a problem with wealthy parents giving absurd presents to teachers (You can't really tell a parent their kid is a little sod when they have just presented you with an IPAD), so the schools response was no individual presents allowed, only cards, and there would be a class collection with a MAX of 30 pounds total - which made for a pound per child - but class reps had to stress it was voluntary and everyone signed the card.

My kids Primary school was a bit of a nightmare like that

They are now all at secondary (youngest in Y7), and I'll raise you all- pushy self appointed Y7 year rep (four form entry)
I had five emails from her last night - one asking for volunteers to go in and help decorate the hall, another reminding us about the Xmas fair (joint community event with other schools) and the need to man stalls, two following up about letters that have gone out and to check our kids bags if we haven't had them and another on behalf of another parent whining that her precious snowflake has lost his brand new iPhone5.
I thought I was past all this, but no!

Rant over!

BlingBang · 04/12/2013 00:11

I collected for the class one year to buy vouchers for the teachers. A few kids wanted to do their own thing but I still added their name to the communal card. I wouldn't do it again though for several reasons.

Retroformica · 04/12/2013 01:00

Well done for sending the email. Great idea to suggest sticky label for any contribution. I'd be sorely tempted to not join in the collection and give my own gift if a smaller amount doesn't have sticky label.

Who are these women - the gift police?!

eden263 · 04/12/2013 01:20

Wrong on a number of levels. You shouldn't be made to get a gift for the teacher (this is the implication, that the teacher must receive a gift. Why? it's a job. Yes, a valuable and undervalued one by and large, but still a job, which they chose and for which they are paid); you should be allowed, if you wish, to choose your gift to your own value; and no child should be excluded if their parents can't/don't wish to pay a set amount. Damaging all round.

As a former TA and teacher, I would be horrified if this was going on in my classroom. I always felt a bit embarrassed about presents anyway. Of course, it's very kind, and touching, but really not necessary. Is it now the norm to buy a present at Xmas as well as the end of the school year? I agree with the other teachers that the hand made cards and letters etc are the ones that mean the most. I still have all mine, and many still bring a tear to my eye.

I hadn't even thought about presents for DD's teachers. She is in Reception and she has 2 permanent teachers who job-share, plus a regular supply teacher, and they have shared activity time with the other reception class, where they free flow in both classes and work with both teachers, plus my DD is in the phonics group led by the other reception teacher. So that's 4 teachers. Plus there are at least 5 regular TAs over both classes, if not more. I can't afford 9 or more presents, I can barely afford anything for the DCs and my family this year!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 04/12/2013 01:25

RavenAK - if no-one in blackbelt's school counts the bounces or sells the coffees or whatever, the PTA will find it bloody hard to raise money to support the school - money that benefits all the children, surely?

Utterly · 04/12/2013 01:32

I've been on the other side of this, as someone who was trying to do teacher collection, and there were a number of monied (very nicely dressed/holidayed) parents who would sign the card and not always cough up, despite promises). That meant that some people had stretched their budget, but others were taking credit. If you can't afford it, just do a separate card - I'm sure it will be appreciated just as much.

Spermysextowel · 04/12/2013 02:08

I tip waiters, hairdressers & some other professions. If anything I think secondary school staff need the card/gift thanks but that doesn't seem the norm & most seem uncomfortable with the idea.

LilyTheSavage · 04/12/2013 07:38

I'm a primary school teacher and I couldn't agree more with what you've said. I'd be so embarrassed.

1charlie1 · 04/12/2013 08:18

I would just give my own card, and some home made treats. I'm a teacher, and I get given a range of gifts, from home made chocs (so I have a lovely little stash to share with my friends who pop in over Christmas - they are particularly appreciated!), to lovely cards (I'm not joking - my favourite thing are the cards with thoughtful messages, which make me feel so appreciated), to book vouchers, perfume etc. And nothing, which is also completely fine! I would feel a bit funny about a collection. It's just unnecessary. Seriously, if anything, a card and biccies, or chocs. Love it!!
I wrote this on a similar thread last year - one of my best friends, who I admit is a genius teacher, was given a fridge one Christmas by his grateful class - a gleaming, stainless steel fridge, as the crowning glory of his new kitchen. Unbelievable.

fluffyraggies · 04/12/2013 08:31

STD says: ''if no-one in blackbelt's school counts the bounces or sells the coffees or whatever, the PTA will find it bloody hard to raise money to support the school''

And she's right.

There is always going to be a massive divide between the active 'do'ers' for a school and the 'sit back and let it happen'ers' (with allot of folk in the middle who know about all the hard work but genuinely don't have the time/money to help ... i do know)

It's a sad state of affairs that schools have to raise money to support themselves though isn't it? My DCs primary struggled with money for basic resources. There should be enough funding from the blasted government to run a school!

Bowlersarm · 04/12/2013 08:39

I hope all those complaining about what the class reps are doing, actually take on the role of class rep themselves. It's very easy to moan, and IMO, it's only right to do so if you've undertaken the role yourself.

tinselkitty · 04/12/2013 08:43

This used to happen at my old school. I was quite awkward as the teacher to receive a gift from the parents and children with most of the classes names in the card except the 2 boys from the local council estate.

I'm not sure if they were left out because they couldn't afford the £10(!!!!!!!!!) per child or if the snotty parents deliberately left them out (they used to try and stop their DC playing with these boys)

It always felt a bit sour tbh

fluffyraggies · 04/12/2013 08:48

While i agree about how hard they work, a 'class rep.' is by definition a representative. There to represent the parents for the class (i assume) or to represent the class teacher to the parents?

Either way around if the rep. is doing something that the parents aren't happy with then it should be fine to pull them up on it. This doesn't mean a lack of gratitude for the other work they do. It's a responsible position to put yourself in - liaising between school and parents. A line has been crossed when a class rep is asking for certain amounts of money from parents IMO.

Monetbyhimself · 04/12/2013 08:56

Incredible thread. Not one single teacher has supported the idea oc parents being bullied or pressurised into making s financial contribution. Lots of parents saying they also don't like the idea. I call for a national ban if big presents. And class reps. Some parents manage to support thrir kids schoold perfectly well without the fanfare.

BananaNotPeelingWell · 04/12/2013 09:34

Its funny how it all becomes such a non issue in secondary school. Such a relief. Not just for parents, but for teachers too I imagine. There's just a little more distance which I think is a good thing and enables teachers to get on with their job without feeling on the backfoot over collections and presents etc.

Ragwort · 04/12/2013 09:54

Banana - well said, all this angst over presents for primary school teachers is so OTT.

However, I did break my own rule of never giving teachers' gifts last summer as a secondary school teacher had been incredibly kind to my DS - coaching out of school hours, that sort of thing. I gave him a bottle & a card but it was never acknowledged so perhaps I broke professional boundaries Blush.

I disagree that teachers like presents - in every primary school (3) my DS has attended there is a box for all the crappy gifts in the staff room for re-cycling in tombolas, fund-raising, charity shop donations etc Grin.

Morgause · 04/12/2013 10:35

In all the schools I've worked in (14) Ragwort that wasn't the case.

FunLovinBunster · 04/12/2013 11:13

It's not the gift giving so much.
It's the way in which cash etc is demanded by other parents, the competition that some parents seem to want to have with each other too. This is offensive, almost borders on blackmail. And spoils the whole reason to give a gift, which is just a little thank you. And so the whole thing becomes extremely ugly.
Teachers clearly don't expect gifts: if you want to give a gift make it small and useful. Scrap the class collections.
Our school mums are shitty.
They say let's do a class collection, £5 each. No other gifts.
But then their kids rock up with additional gifts. So you end up buying another gift. Totally negates the reason for 1 collection.
I'd like to thank LF for blowing £60 on 2 shitty fucking personalised mugs. Which didnt even arrive in time for Xmas. What a waste of last years class collection.
And the previous year, ZK for blowing £50 of collection on one fucking plant. Another waste of money.
This year I'm not joining in. Lesson learnt the hard way.

Ragwort · 04/12/2013 11:16

Maybe the children at the schools you were involved in Morgause had better taste Grin.

MrsCakesPremonition · 04/12/2013 11:24

There are always people who want to arrange group presents for teachers and TAs. £5 per child might be cheaper for the families than trying to find a small gift for each member of staff. But I have never seen anyone demanding money nor have the collections prevented people from doing their own thing if that is what they prefer.

If you don't want to be involved in the collection, do your own thing, help your child make a card. You aren't forced to be involved, you can just say "no".

millymolls · 04/12/2013 11:31

If people want to give the £5 and sign the card let them. Doesn;t mean you have to. Why not ask your child to make a christmas card for their teacher and write a nice note with it - my DS did that last year (he wrote it himself - was 6 at the time) and said he loved her as a teacher and thought she was great, the teacher loved it and has kept it on her wall since.

marssparklesdownonme · 04/12/2013 11:34

Teachers think more of a handmade card or personal thank you than any gift. I had one mum who had three children who I had taught. She came to apologise for not buying a gift but I told her it meant more to me that she had made the time to come and say thank you rather than wasting money.I still have drawings and cards that were given to me over 20 years ago and they are of far more value to me than any plant or chocolates. Even my own dc's like to look at them .