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AIBU?

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Original poster

Christmas collection for teacher.

144 replies

sillyoldfool · 03/12/2013 03:54

I'm sure this has been done to death but anyway...
Dd1 is in y2. An email has been sent to all patents saying there's going to be a collection for an Xmas gift from the class, we're to give £5 each. If you give a fiver they'll give you a sticky label for your child to write a message on for the card.
Aibu to think a, a fiver is a lot, there should just be a collection and people should give what they want/can afford. And b, all the children in the class should get a label, regardless of their parents contribution? It just seems a bit mean and exclusive and just not in the spirit of Xmas!
This is a state primary school btw, albeit one in a leafy, wealthy area.

OP posts:
DeckTheHallsWithBoughsOfHorry · 03/12/2013 20:50

We have class reps this year for the first time. The position is solely to be a liaison between the class parents and the pta committee more generally. If they are going to organise collections and so on, they've left it too late.

Idespair · 03/12/2013 20:54

I don't really understand the problem. It's voluntary so just do it if you want to and don't if you don't want to. The teacher is not going to think less of your or your child regardless.

Sending an email interfering/trying to change something already in progress is not on IMO. I'm not surprised the class rep was short about it. She probably has better things to do and is just doing the collection as most of the parents are grateful for the opportunity to hand over a fiver instead of finding yet another present for a teacher they don't know personally.

I would suggest that if you want to give labels to all children and make the amount up to the parent then you take on the dreaded role of class rep next year and organise it yourself for the class.

If you can afford it, which it sounds like you can, why don't you just do it? You seem to be outraged in a theoretical or academic sense as you have stated that the area is leafy and your OP does not state that a particular family are upset at not being able to afford this. There is no ideal solution, I can't understand why you don't just get in with it either way as you choose.

saulaboutme · 03/12/2013 20:59

Me again....

RenterNomad the same thing happened to me when I was rep for a while. I said ok yes I won't be putting in but as rep I'll collect on your behalf and when someone asked how much to put in I said " what ever you like" and I was actually circled and told "no no £10 to £20" so I thought fuck this and passed it on to another parent.

And I think my rant is possibly over now..........

Athrawes · 03/12/2013 21:16

As a teacher I would say approach the HT rather than the teacher. The HT can then talk to the class rep who set the whole thing up and say that it is not appropriate/excluding etc without naming who complained about the system.
I am a secondary teacher - we don't get presents - we are regarded by the parents and students as mean nasty people who make them do hated maths - but even so, I would hate to have a system like this.

BlackbeltinBS · 03/12/2013 21:17

Full disclosure here - I'm a class rep (who has sent out an email saying let's do a voluntary collection, you don't have to get involved if you'd rather not, no mention of amount). Am horrified at a) the grabbiness of what seems to go on at other schools but also b) the dislike of class reps in some posts. I volunteered because no one else in our class put themselves forward, and because I care about the school and the education of the children. So stone me if that's a bad thing. So far I have organised drinks for parents, run THREE FUCKING STALLS at the Christmas Fair which included organising our rota of parents (which included a hell of a lot of preparation), sold coffee and counted bounces at the sodding Sponsored Bounce, collected bottles, folded more raffle tickets than I care to think about, suggested the sodding collection which was obviously such a bad idea, and organised the volunteers for library, baking, Christmas decorations day, to marshal the children up to church and back, and goodness knows what bloody else. Oh yes, and because I am also a parent, I've done all the usual things like actually volunteering at the library, for Christmas decorations, for walking up to church, buying the sodding raffle tickets, sponsoring the sodding bounces etc etc, before anyone else accuses me and my kin of being meglomaniac tactless organisers who just tell everyone else what to do again. Honestly, some of the posts about this really make me want to go - you know what? You fucking do it.

And breathe.

thereyet · 03/12/2013 21:21

I'm a teacher. I would be mortified if I knew that a student's parent had started this madness...........

TheregoesBod · 03/12/2013 21:28

Blackbelt, I hear you, and it must sometimes feel thankless. You are putting in effort to make a difference and that's a good thing obviously. I've enjoyed helping out in a previous school too.

BUT I've been asked to contribute £20, names will be ticked off the list and those children whose parent s haven't contributed will not be allowed to sign the card. That totals at £600 for the class (actually £580 because with that attitude they can whistle for my contribution) .

Surely it is time for a reality check in some schools - including ours?

Nanny0gg · 03/12/2013 21:36

At the end of last summer term I made a huge raspberry Pavlova for the whole staffroom and marked it 'from the family of ds1 and 2 jibbet'.

I wish that had been our staffroom...

fluffyraggies · 03/12/2013 21:44

blackbelt you sound really bitter about what you are doing for the school. I'm sure you get gratitude from the staff? (i know allot of parents don't know how much hard work goes on 'behind the scenes' in schools) If not i wouldn't bother any more.

I have no experience of class reps. Never heard of them till MN recently. I think collections for teachers is ... absurd i'm afraid. Why on earth does a teacher need a bloody great present from the parents at xmas? A nice card form the kids is quite enough.

I also disagree with the posts nearer the beginning of the thread saying that teachers shouldn't be approached about what the reps are doing re: emailing parents and asking for min. amounts of money in this way. All the teachers who have posted so far here have said they are uncomfortable with expensive presents and are happier with a hand made card from the pupil. Alert the teacher to it and let them get their school to put a stop to it then. easy enough to do.

BabyMummy29 · 03/12/2013 21:48

What on earth is a class rep?

perfectstorm · 03/12/2013 21:53

In our school, anyway, a class rep is a parent (usually I think with an older child, if Reception, so they know how it all works) who liaises between all the parents and the school for events and plans things such as this, evenings out, contact info etc.

Ours is great. Collection is being done, but moderate suggested amount and inclusive card from all kids. Nice drinks for parents organised, requests for bits of extra help when the school needs it. They're sort of a PTA person who helps the parents out, as far as I can see. Like all these things how good yours is will vary, so maybe we've just been really lucky.

BabyMummy29 · 03/12/2013 21:55

Thanks perfectstorm That all sounds really weird and formal as we don't have anything like that at any of the schools I've worked in.

BigFatGoalie · 03/12/2013 21:57

Ragwort, why shouldn't we be allowed to give teachers gifts?!?
My DD's teacher has been fabulous this year so far and it's absolutely my prerogative to gift her a gift (of my choosing and monetary value) to wish her a Merry Christmas and to express my gratitude to her. Head teachers banning gifts because certain parents cannot act like adults is just ridiculous. Confused
Our class rep has it right. She leaves a card for the teacher in a big envelope in the school office. Parents who would like to contribute money can pop it in the envelope, or else you can just sign the card and not leave any money. YOUR choice either way, but everyone can sign the card. No one checks up on you, there's no list to tick off, it's all anonymous n

Ohhelpohnoitsa · 03/12/2013 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

perfectstorm · 03/12/2013 22:03

Big, that's our rep's approach, too. Suggested amount is only £2 and nobody knows who gives that, less or more.

Baby it's actually pretty useful. The contact details etc are helpful for parties/playdates and the info on school events is, too. It's a lot less formal than letters from the school but so far seems a lot more effective in terms of ensuring parental volunteers are found when need be. We're Reception parents, too, so the headsup on what's happening is handy.

Monetbyhimself · 03/12/2013 22:05

Blackbelt I've done all of the things that you list over the years. Apart from send emails asking other parents to give me money so that I can march into school and present 'the present' with a huge flourish Hmm

ShoeWhore · 03/12/2013 22:07

Wow I'm so glad we don't have this at our school!

I do like to send a little something in for the teachers, I know how hard they work and feel they do go the extra mile.

bigfatgoalie your class rep sounds spot on I have to say.

Lilacroses · 03/12/2013 22:23

I'm a teacher and I'm a parent too. None of our children/parents do this, some give a gift/card, some don't. It's very kind of people to do so but I never expect it.

Some parents in my Dd's class did a collection for the teacher once. They asked for £15. I could not believe it. I think that is completely excessive. If everyone had given that would have been a gift for the teacher of over £300!! I would be mortified if parents gave me something like that. I said "no thanks, I'll do my own thing". I did so, Dd made a card, we bought a small gift, it was fine. Tbh I wouldn't have expected or wanted to have signed the card that the other parents were handing over. I can understand people being upset about this in a way but I would just do my own thing be that making your own card or whatever.

Vijac · 03/12/2013 22:42

I think this is quite a good idea and I'm sure no one meant to offend. Why don't you reply saying that it's a good idea, but it may exclude some and can they send out the note again saying any donation, suggested £5.

ItsIgginningToLookALotLikeXmas · 03/12/2013 22:48

A fiver would be easier to part with IMO, buying a gift costs can easily cost a tenner and how many candles/chocolates/mugs can one teacher need? Though it does lack a personal touch.

ilovesooty · 03/12/2013 22:50

it's absolutely my prerogative to gift her a gift (of my choosing and monetary value)

I hope that any gifts of significant financial value are declared for tax purposes.

BigFatGoalie · 03/12/2013 22:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

ilovesooty · 03/12/2013 23:08

Small gifts of appreciation are one thing. I think expensive gifts bring in ethical implications. The content of this refers to the US but I think there is food for thought:

www.ehow.co.uk/about_6285325_ethical-teachers-accepting-gifts-students.html

ravenAK · 03/12/2013 23:11

BlackbeltinBS - it does sound as if you do loads.

I suspect lots of this sort of thing goes on at my dc's school too, but I'm afraid I'm completely oblivious to it so wouldn't know that I was supposed to appreciate it. If you suddenly stopped counting bounces & what have you, my grief would be controllable.

So I won't be fucking doing it, because I'm not entirely convinced it needs fucking doing, tbh.

Also, I'm a teacher & I don't want or expect gifts. Cards are nice, but a verbal 'Thanks miss, have a good holiday!' is appreciated just as much.

But I'd happily bung something in a collection for my dc's teachers + TAs if asked; they do a fabulous job & are mostly young & in their first few years of teaching at dc's school, so will be skint & appreciate a voucher. But I think HTs do need to send out a clear message to class reps on this one: all contributions voluntary & any cards/gifts are from The Class. Whether their parents have contributed or not.

BigFatGoalie · 03/12/2013 23:15

ilovesooty
In case you misunderstood me, when I referred to monetary value I actually meant LESS than the £5 the OP was referring to, not small yachts, family holidays abroad or Ming vases.
No need to declare the bag of Twirls and Christmas tree decoration I will be giving my dd's teacher ro the tax man.