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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Christmas collection for teacher.

144 replies

sillyoldfool · 03/12/2013 03:54

I'm sure this has been done to death but anyway...
Dd1 is in y2. An email has been sent to all patents saying there's going to be a collection for an Xmas gift from the class, we're to give £5 each. If you give a fiver they'll give you a sticky label for your child to write a message on for the card.
Aibu to think a, a fiver is a lot, there should just be a collection and people should give what they want/can afford. And b, all the children in the class should get a label, regardless of their parents contribution? It just seems a bit mean and exclusive and just not in the spirit of Xmas!
This is a state primary school btw, albeit one in a leafy, wealthy area.

OP posts:
500internalerror · 03/12/2013 18:49

I can't afford teacher collections - I get a small present in the sales & keep it for the following Xmas . And I really strongly believe that Xmas is a very personal time, definitely not a time for huge mass collections. It's far removed from an end of school year collection.

saulaboutme · 03/12/2013 18:50

I've commented on these subject threads before.

I don't know why once and for all teachers send a polite message to parents that although they are grateful and appreciate the generosity, a card is sufficient. If children really want to give their teachers something, a small inexpensive gift would be received gratefully.

I really doubt this will ever happen.

TheregoesBod · 03/12/2013 18:51

I see your £5 and raise you......£20. I kid you not.

To be fair, it may cover the whole year, but I dont think that it does. I cant now check as I threw the letter away in disgust once I had read the phrase
"whilst you may give your own card, only children whose parents have contributed will be able to sign the class card."

State primary school, leafy area. The thing is, no one has commented or seemed surprised. I feel that im the only one who thinks that this is madness? 30children x£20 =£600.

I am new to the school, and to the area so I'm wary of rattling those Alpha mummies cages but really, FFS, either get a grip or leave me alone.

We will be making a card for the teacher and TA, maybe a little chocholate to snaffle with break time coffee.

loopylouu · 03/12/2013 18:57

Ours is £10.

The card is guarded by barbed wire and a three headed serpent so only those who pay may go near.

I'm not paying £10. Ds is 11 and is not bothered anyway.

SauvignonBlanche · 03/12/2013 18:58

That's awful Bod Xmas Shock

soverylucky · 03/12/2013 19:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheregoesBod · 03/12/2013 19:07

Yes, I find it odd actually. It seems that our school playground is an 'alternative reality' where £20 each is utterly normal. It seems an awful lot of money to me.

saulaboutme · 03/12/2013 19:18

just to say to posters who are saying they don't understand the big deal if you don't want to give them just don't give?

I think the deal is the exclusion, snobbery, separation, stating a certain amount and much more that goes with class collections. I despise them and have heard the bitching about parents who haven't put in or not enough, I shit you not. And the reps who give the gifts like it's from them! (rant over)

Dcs teachers always get something nice and inexpensive and it's personal from them. It's like a competition. We don't forget the teaching assistants either.

Madmammy83 · 03/12/2013 19:19

Why all the label shite? Can one person not just buy a card and write "from your class" on it?

Ragwort · 03/12/2013 19:23

I would like to hear from any teacher who has successfully 'banned' the present giving, it seems to cause so much angst &, as I said earlier, it really does seem unprofessional.

Personally it never had any impact on me - perhaps boys aren't bothered about buying their teacher a present (or maybe mine just never liked his teachers Grin); it was something I never did and I never felt awkward about not giving a gift.

perfectstorm · 03/12/2013 19:24

I'd refuse to sign any card only open to paid subscribers. And I'd refuse to subscribe.

Our class rep just sent an email suggesting a £2 or £3 donation, no pressure if people don't want to join, and no mention of exclusivity whatsoever - class card to be signed from all.

That's IMO how this should be done. As a thanks to the teacher, from those inclined to donate, with it being anonymous as to who may or may not have done so. Because none of the £ is from the children, anyway.

perfectstorm · 03/12/2013 19:26

Madmammy - that was what we did at the local (community, charity) preschool last year. Card from all the kids, thanking the staff for all their work. Present to emphasise the point, no mention of who donated.

ilovesooty · 03/12/2013 19:26

In many other areas it is considered unprofessional to accept gifts and I just don't understand why teaching should be any different

I work in criminal justice and I am not allowed to accept gifts. And as a former teacher I agree with the above. A thank you letter/card is sufficient and would, I am sure, be much appreciated.

WooWooOwl · 03/12/2013 19:29

Teachers at my school have discussed banning presents, but it would never happen because a lot of the children get a lot of pleasure out of giving their teachers something little and it's good for them to learn to be thoughtful and do a nice thing for people who look after them that they should appreciate. But mainly, it would come across as rude, ungrateful and a bit of a snub to the parents that put a lot of time and effort into organising collections or who take the time to choose gifts with their children.

Madmammy83 · 03/12/2013 19:34

perfectstorm We did that when a teacher retired from DS' school this year, one card signed on behalf of all the children. Some parents donated, some didn't. The ones collecting the money got a big plant Hmm and gave her the rest of the cash in an envelope. I think it's horrific to single out children whose parents can't or don't want to contribute to a silly gift the teacher probably doesn't want anyway!

dingit · 03/12/2013 19:38

We had this. There was no specified amount, but i assumed most people put in £5. I then overheard the class reps bitching about people ONLY putting in £5, one of them put in £20 Shock. I never did it again. At the end of term in year 6 we donated a book to the school with a thankyou card.

ilovesooty · 03/12/2013 19:52

dingit I think that was a lovely gesture.

Flibbertyjibbet · 03/12/2013 20:15

We don't have class reps (thank goodness).
What is their role apart from arranging collections for teachers Confused

My two make a card each and we bake biscuits. At the end of last summer term I made a huge raspberry Pavlova for the whole staffroom and marked it 'from the family of ds1 and 2 jibbet'.

Other kids come in with separate presents for the teacher and several TAs in each class. I choose to not go there!

Breadkneadslove · 03/12/2013 20:15

Silly old fool I would play by their rules, pay the money, take the coveted sticky label and use it to your advantage by signing it on behalf of those pupils in the class who were not given a label and excluded from the group thank you! I might also be tempted to thank the class rep for organising the collection! Nothing like naming and shaming...and with any luck they will keep their hand firmly in their lap when the school are looking for parent reps next year!!!

Morgause · 03/12/2013 20:17

One treasured hand made card I have came from a child with "challenging behaviour". I was leaving at the end of term. It had a picture of a boy crying and the words

I'm sory you hav to live

We'd had our ups and downs but I like to think he meant leave.

I don't think presents for teachers should be banned because children love to make cards and little gifts and teachers do treasure them. No teacher I know expects to get a present and all would hate to think pressure was put on parents to give when they didn't want to.

wispywoo1 · 03/12/2013 20:32

Buy your own card and ask your child to write a nice message inside. That will mean much more to the teacher. I teach secondary so we don't get gifts but so far I've received a home made necklace and I was so touched. That would mean more than throwing £5 in a card because you feel you have to.

Heartbrokenmum73 · 03/12/2013 20:40

God, this class rep shite again?

I've yet to come across this. And I certainly would wade in and say something!

How does this class rep thing come about? Do the parents get together and say 'you know, what we really need is someone to represent all the parents in the class, let's choose someone right now' or is it something that the school recommends?

Because if the whole class rep thing is something organised/set up/whatever by the school then the school is ultimately responsible for any of the shenanigans that follow.

I, personally, would point blank refuse to have anything to do with class reps - they would not be getting my contact details and they certainly wouldn't be making these horrible decisions that seem to keep coming up on here over and over.

RenterNomad · 03/12/2013 20:40

I'm one of those organising the collection for DS's class, and wouldn't dream of insisting on a set amount. I learned something last year when I did the collection: some people came up to me and whispered that they didn't have the fiver till Friday (or whenever). I was mortified,feeling that I was putting parents in that position (even though I suppose I was helping them save face by not "making" them spend any more). It was sad, and I felt bad for being witness to it.

Your class reps are real shits for making you feel bad about this.

RenterNomad · 03/12/2013 20:44

Xposted with TWENTY POUNDS. Shock

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 03/12/2013 20:48

As a teacher, I would much rather have no present and a handmade card from each student than a generic card full of sticky notes

Glad this was said, as I am not a teacher but I this is what I thought last year, just had a baby, crashed car, problems with house, not buying each other presents and class rep was openly rude to DH about putting in 50p to class contribution. Saying £10 was the recommended figure to aim for....but she said "Well I suppose you have just had a baby havens you".

I told her I would be getting my own gift.

Our teacher had taught DD to write so beautifully I wanted the teacher to see the results of her efforts and DD had never written so beautifully than in her card hasn't since either and we gave a very small present. I added my own personal message as to how amazed I was by DD's progress over the year and how she adored her teacher.

Hopefully, it was received with thanks....

Our class rep seems to have lots more ££ than some of us mums, she can go swivel with her crappy lables.