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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Christmas collection for teacher.

144 replies

sillyoldfool · 03/12/2013 03:54

I'm sure this has been done to death but anyway...
Dd1 is in y2. An email has been sent to all patents saying there's going to be a collection for an Xmas gift from the class, we're to give £5 each. If you give a fiver they'll give you a sticky label for your child to write a message on for the card.
Aibu to think a, a fiver is a lot, there should just be a collection and people should give what they want/can afford. And b, all the children in the class should get a label, regardless of their parents contribution? It just seems a bit mean and exclusive and just not in the spirit of Xmas!
This is a state primary school btw, albeit one in a leafy, wealthy area.

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 03/12/2013 12:44

I would have no problem with the idea of a class collection - but it has to be voluntary, and it has to be no minimum contribution.

I know it is a bit different, but I was in charge of organising the leaving gift for ds1's Year 1 teacher. There was no minimum donation, the card was signed by everyone, and I also got all the children to draw a picture of themselves, and we glued them all into a scrap book, with a message from each child for the teacher - so even if someone couldn't afford anything for the present, their names were still in the card, and their child's picture and message were in the scrapbook - and to be honest, I think it was the scrapbook that she liked the best, because it came from the children.

songlark · 03/12/2013 13:16

Years ago children who couldn't afford school dinners were made to feel humiliated by having to stand in a separate queue, lots of kids refused to do this because of bullying so went without eating rather than face the shame. Schools have now done away with all that and rightly so but this demanding £5 for a present is a similar type of thing. They know very well that children will put loads of pressure on the parents rather than have anyone thinking they can't afford the fiver. There's no way I'd give in to this bullying from the school, I really hope that everyone feels strongly enough about it and refuse to give a penny, then the school might realise that their outrageous demands will not be tolerated.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 03/12/2013 13:44

The thing is, if everyone in the class gave just £1, the teacher could get a nice present, so there is no need to mention a minimum amount, imo.

minionmadness · 03/12/2013 14:02

I detest these things. We don't officially have a class rep (just two who have nominated themselves).

Last year they requested £5 for class presents and in much the same way said that only those children who contributed would have their names put into the cards!

I told them that they ought to be ashamed of themselves bullying parents to hand over £5 and asked who gave them permission to decide which child's name went on the card. I told them unless they let ALL the children names go in the card I would go and have a word with the CT.

They soon changed their minds, but in the main reactions from the other parents were very happy with my intervention. We still have a collection but people contribute what they can afford, not what they are told too.

For me it wasn't about the money, it was about equality for all class children, not just those whose parents could afford it.

OnlyThePurpleOnes · 03/12/2013 14:13

Our nursery class rep did this last year. We live overseas, but she wanted equivalent of £9 Per teacher/TA/assistant. Of which there are 4. That's £36 per child, so each person would have had a voucher for nigh on £200.

We made biscuits.

MrPoppy · 03/12/2013 14:21

I think I'd stay away from it altogether I wouldn't get involved in suggesting a lower contribution, giving everyone sticky labels or anything.
Just say you're already doing your own thing.
Send your DD in with some biscuits for the teacher and helpers and a christmas card of her own.

Original poster
sillyoldfool · 03/12/2013 15:04

We can afford the fiver (though £5 is On £2 less than what I'm spending on each of our parents this year!) I just felt uncomfortable with it being exclusive.
No one else has replied so I'm wishing I hadn't sent the email now tbh, DH is doing the school run as he's home today and I'm lying low Hmm

OP posts:
DeckTheHallsWithBoughsOfHorry · 03/12/2013 15:11

Two positive replies from other parents is pretty good going - by my reckoning that's at least another five nodding but not replying, and at least ten who haven't read it yet. Don't be disheartened.

HappyMummyOfOne · 03/12/2013 16:07

Perhaps it wasnt done with malice but a simple suggestion that if you want to donate then you can do so and contribute to the card. If doing your own thing, you tend to get your own card anyway and for those that do nothing then no card needed.

No different than any other collection, if you contribute you sign the card.

DeckTheHallsWithBoughsOfHorry · 03/12/2013 17:05

But it isn't the children contributing - it's the parents. I know that's splitting hairs a bit, but it is totally different from a collection in a workplace, for example (though wherever I've worked the collection and card have been separate anyway).

The reason I don't like collections and group cards is that you lose the direct link between the thanker and the thankee - if the thanks are coming from the parents then the parents should sign the card; if you're teaching the child to show appreciation then they should choose/make the card/present and decide what phonetically plausible but misspelled words to write in it.

Rosieliveson · 03/12/2013 17:23

Just a suggestion but could you not just send a reply to all parents suggesting that there be an open amount for donations and all children be allowed to sign the card for the sake of inclusion?
The teacher won't be worried about the size of the gift but will be upset if she has to spend a day consoling children who weren't included in the card for their teacher.

bigbrick · 03/12/2013 17:30

If possible I avoid the class present & give my own gift.

Rosieliveson · 03/12/2013 17:30

Sorry, just reread and realised you're suggestions were not well received. Such a shame if children are excluded because of money.
You've done the right thing in trying

Rosieliveson · 03/12/2013 17:33

*your

Ragwort · 03/12/2013 17:40

I really wish Heads would grow a backbone and declare schools 'no present zones'. In many other areas it is considered unprofessional to accept gifts and I just don't understand why teaching should be any different. Confused

Personally I am grateful that I have never been approached for a 'class collection' - three different primary schools; also I do not give teacher presents at Christmas or end of term. If a teacher has been exceptional I will send in a handwritten card or letter. I prefer to show my thanks in a more practical way - listening to reading, being on the PTA, that sort of thing.

SuburbanRhonda · 03/12/2013 17:40

£150 for a Christmas present for the teacher? Have I got that right? Shock

WooWooOwl · 03/12/2013 17:53

I expect it would be split between the teacher an the TA, and many classes have more than one of each.

I really don't understand why people get so worked up about this.

If people don't want to give to the contribution then they will get their own thing to show appreciation or as a nice thing for their child to do anyway. If they can't afford it, they will get their child to make a cars or they'll write a note, and the effect will be the same.

If they don't like the teachers and don't want to be involved in the collection, or they can't afford to be involved in the collection and don't want to do their own thing, then they won't be bothered whether there is a collection or not.

I really can't see the big deal. It's not compulsory.

The problem with giving every child a label (although why they can't just pass the card around I don't know!) is that some parents won't want their child to be on the class card for their own reasons, and it's not fair to expect the volunteer class rep to chase down every child and ensure their label is written up and then returned. A parent who wants to be involved in the collection will speak to the person handing out the labels, will sit down with them to do it, and then will ensure it gets back to the rep in time to go in the card. A parent that doesn't want to be involved wont, which means more work for the rep.

Tbh, I don't think it's fair to make suggestions to volunteers unless its accompanied with an offer to do the legwork.

Ceasre · 03/12/2013 18:05

How awful to leave kids out because their parents cannot contribute. And of course the class reps will be smiling and smoozing when the gifts are handed over as if they paid for it themselves. So annoying.

sara11272 · 03/12/2013 18:07

I'm with farewellfigure. I organised our class collection last year and til I read this thread I'd no idea it was potentially so contentious.

A few people didn't give me any money (maybe 3 of a class of 30) and if I'd asked them once and they hadn't followed it up, I assumed they weren't interested and I didn't ask again - there was no compulsion to take part at all. It honestly never occurred to me that people might not put in because they couldn't afford it Blush though tbh I'm not sure how it would be cheaper to do it yourself if you were planning to get presents and cards for a teacher and 2 TAs.

Having read all this I'm glad I'm not organising it this year, I'd be a nervous wreck!

fuzzpig · 03/12/2013 18:18

I just say no thanks my DCs are doing something themselves. I'm sure a little picture drawn by an individual pupil, rather than one card full of sticky labels, is more appreciated by teacher anyway!

fuzzpig · 03/12/2013 18:23

And I probably do end up spending a little more doing something separate but the first time I heard about such a collection, they'd already decided what they were getting, and they were spending £50 on a ridiculously shit ornament thing so I just said no thanks

starlight1234 · 03/12/2013 18:30

I am so glad we don't have a class rep...I have two issues....firstly the minimum contribution the second is the exclusion...I grow amaryllis plants for my son's teachers each winter cost £3 each he has two teachers...sorted...

namechange74 · 03/12/2013 18:31

A good friend of mine has been asked by the PTA to do the same but the amount is £10 - WTF? he has the money but it's the principle like other posters have said - and a £300 present for a teacher in Y1? Crazy.

smugmumofboys · 03/12/2013 18:34

Someone in DS2's class does this and tbh, the children don't seem to be aware of it at all so there's no shaming or pressure involved.

As others have said, it's not a biggie and I have never heard anyone grumbling about it. And believe me - they grumble about plenty!

I must admit to being a bit Hmm about the whole thing because, as a secondary school teacher, I usually get (and expect) nothing at Christmas.

OldRoan · 03/12/2013 18:38

This might be a terrible idea, but...

Could you do a separate card for the children who aren't giving the £5? So they can still write something/feel included? Or indeed a card for the whole class to sign? Might be a bit tricky to manage, but the children don't need to know which card is which, or why they are in card B instead of card A, and that way they don't feel left out.

I'm a teacher and I am genuinely expecting nothing from my children (many parents do not celebrate Christmas, no class rep that I know of). The other day a child gave me a bit of wool "to tie in a bow in your hair" and I consider that my gift for the year.