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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In wanting to take a breastfeeding baby to Chelsea flower show

252 replies

roweeena · 01/12/2013 09:38

I was just about to book tickets to Chelsea flower show for my mum and sister as an Xmas present but I have just noticed that no under 5's allowed and no buggies.

I will have a breastfed 7month old who I will not be able to leave at home. I'm happy to carry in a sling - would I really be banned??

Does anyone else have experience of this - I'm shocked that children aren't allowed to be honest. Do you think they would make an exception for a breastfeeding baby?

My other son was a bottle refuser so I haven't tried with this one yet (can't be bothered with thefaff) so I doubt that leaving him with dad and a bottle will really be an option

OP posts:
Ham69 · 01/12/2013 13:52

I totally agree with k8middleton and soapboxqueen's points.
Having exclusively bf my DC and them refusing bottles, at 7 months I would have felt very uncomfortable about leaving them with someone else, even for a few hours.
Why should nursing mums of small babies (my DD refused solids for a longtime and totally depended on me) be excluded from a day out with close family?

MostWicked · 01/12/2013 13:59

"I think there may be issues with the Chelsea rules because they are indirectly excluding breastfeeding mothers of small babies which is unlawful"

So I should be allowed to take my bf baby into the local night club with me too then? It wouldn't be fair if I wasn't able to go out clubbing as a bf'ing mum.

What a load of tosh!
The event is unsuitable for under 5s - end of.

iloveshortshorts · 01/12/2013 14:00

Op is your baby on solids yet? If so could you leave the baby with some food and bm in a sippy cup with its dad?

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 01/12/2013 14:08

FFS no one is being excluded from a family day out - they just have to choose somewhere else to go for 1% of their lives. Please everyone save your outrage for the plenty of real discrimination that goes on.

fatlazymummy · 01/12/2013 14:12

Choosing to breastfeed is a parenting choice that you made. It will have some consequences, the same as formula feeding does. You say you 'can't be bothered with the faff' of expressing and leaving a bottle - again, your choice. It's not up to everyone else to rearrange things to accomodate your choices.
YABU.

soapboxqueen · 01/12/2013 14:15

It's not a discrimination competition here. Breastfeeding is protected by discrimination laws.

Engineering a situation where one group of people is adversely affected is discrimination. Some forms of discrimination are legislated against and this one is.

I doubt the show will change their rules since in general (though not exclusively) people are less bothered by discrimination that doesn't affect them.

Perfectly reasonable excuses can be found for all sorts of discrimination. Doesn't make them any less discriminatory.

Ham69 · 01/12/2013 14:18

Thanks for the plea, Unexpected, but I will defend all acts of discrimination, including nursing mothers.

soapboxqueen · 01/12/2013 14:23

What ham said

fatlazymummy · 01/12/2013 14:29

So, babies should be allowed absolutely everywhere then? Just on the offchance that the mother is breastfeeding and can't be bothered with the 'faff' of expressing?

neunundneunzigluftballons · 01/12/2013 14:30

Choosing to bf is supposed to be a parenting choice recommended and supported by our society. This is one of many, many clear examples of where bf is clearly not supported. This is not a night club, this is not a child free event. This is an event where over 5 s can participate but women bf young babies cannot and can I just clarify not women bottle feeding which comes up as a 'support' for bf mothers again and again on these threads are disproportionally excluded.

mollythetortoise · 01/12/2013 14:33

I went to CFS last year with my 10 year old. I would never go back. It was awful. Far too busy , too many tickets sold. It rained and was freezing (not CFS fault I know - it just added to misery of day). It was a just a big garden centre.

I love gardening and was really really looking forward to it.

I absolutely would not bring a baby/ child / teenager. It is just not an event that caters for them. They would get crushed underfoot in the scrum.

I do think a babe in arms should be allowed though but it would be an utter waste of money for the mother as they would see nothing at all with a baby to carry and the crowds/walkways are absolutely unsuitable for a buggy.

Really OP save your money and go to Hampton Court as others have said or buy a years membership of Kew Gardens (about the same price)

soapboxqueen · 01/12/2013 14:34

Unless there is a danger to the child then yes.

In this instance there is no danger that would also not be a danger to the 5 year old children who were allowed to attend.

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 01/12/2013 14:36

The same logic would apply to nightclubs, a breast feeding mother couldn't turn up demanding entry because the baby can't be left.

Sallyingforth · 01/12/2013 14:42

This is an event where over 5 s can participate but women bf young babies cannot
Utter rubbish! The rule has nothing whatever to do with breast feeding, and you know it. It's an event for adults and those older children who can cope with the crowded conditions (although even an 8 or 10 year old is likely to feel hemmed in and unable to see very much)
This is an event where over 5 s can participate and under 5 s cannot FULL STOP.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 01/12/2013 14:43

Particular groups of people being excluded from things isn't automatically discrimination, it could be health and safety. All children are excluded, not just BF ones Confused

fatlazymummy · 01/12/2013 14:43

It sounds potentially dangerous to me. I wouldn't want to take a baby into a 'scrum'.

janey68 · 01/12/2013 14:46

Totally agree with sallyingforth. It's not saying a bf woman can't attend. She is perfectly welcome to attend if she chooses to make arrangements: expressing milk to be given by cup or bottle. Just the same as any parent of under 7s is free to attend of they make arrangements such as a babysitter.

Gileswithachainsaw · 01/12/2013 14:48

Well let's just allow babies in work places, and over 18 premesis then cos sod h&s or licensing laws that baby /toddler/child may not be able to be without breast milk for an hour or two Hmm

soapboxqueen · 01/12/2013 14:55

The question of whether it is advisable to take a child is different from being unable to. A mother turning up at a night club with a young baby should be referred to social services.

This rule makes it harder for bf mothers to attend. Fact. Therefore it is discrimination. People don't have to like it or agree with but it is fact none the less.

TheCraicDealer · 01/12/2013 14:57

I don't understand why pp's are pressing the point when others who have attended the event clearly say it's unsafe due to the crowds and crushing. I wouldn't want to bring a baby in a sling to something like that. Would you say the same thing about standing room at gigs? Because although I wouldn't want to do it, if there wasn't an explicit ban on young children in a mosh pit there would be some idiot at some point who wouldn't think it was a bad idea! Sometimes rules like this are there for a reason.

Gileswithachainsaw · 01/12/2013 15:00

I cannot believe it's such a shock to people that there may be pales that a child can't go. Ffs whether it's fed breast milk, water or reindeer tears that it doesn't matter. It's not allowed to go. Like I couldn't go to a 12 movie when I was six or drink legally before I was 18.

Gileswithachainsaw · 01/12/2013 15:00

Places

bruffin · 01/12/2013 15:02

Neither of my 2 would have been happy to be stuck in a sling all day. They would have starting to move about and wanting a bit af freedom to move about. Not crawling but at the rolling stage. Its not fair on the baby.

Caitlin17 · 01/12/2013 15:04

Soap box and the rest of you are being ridiculous. It's perfectly legal to ban children from certain events and establishiments. This can be from purely practical of it not being safe at one extreme to the event/place not being of any particular interest to children and the presence of bored children will spoil it for others to the other extreme of upmarket child free hotels catering to a niche market. All legal .

Chelsea Flower Show isn't marketed as a children's event, it will be of less than zero interest to most children.

What you are suggesting is that bf feeding mother who can't bear to be parted for even a few hours should be an exception but a single dad or a ff feeding mother who can't find/ afford a sitter can still be turned away. How would you check this at the gate? Whip a breast out and express milk?

If there's a special case for bf then there should be a special case for anyone who can't or won't leave child with a sitter, in which case everything will have to be child accessible at all times.

DoItTooJulia · 01/12/2013 15:06

OP, if you ever do get the chance to go to Chelsea, you wouldn't want to take kids. It's too crowded and busy, seriously.

I've been and it was manic. Utterly manic.