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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For losing it on DDs teacher when her part in the school play was given to another child when she was off sick for two days?

234 replies

Insolence · 29/11/2013 17:59

At the start of November DD was given a great part in the school play. They have been rehearsing for almost five weeks. Last fri and mon I kept her at home to recover from a cold. When DD went into school on tues she was told by the form teacher that the girl who had stood in for her had learned her words beautifully and would now be doing half the performances... They are doing the play next week. DD was distraught and came home in floods of tears. She doesn't have lots of confidence and getting the part had been a massive boost. After sending a stinky email to the school I went in and spoke to the teacher who thought it would be kind to share the part out, and said they weren't sure when DD might come back to school. DD feels very betrayed and is worried about whether she is any good at the part. She's wondering if they will decide to give the rest of the performances to someone else who fancies having a go. And to top it off, the child they gave it to is DDs arch enemy (if it is possible to have an arch enemy at 6yo...). I lost it with the teacher. They couldn't understand why I was so cross. Starting to wonder if I have over reacted. DD says she just wants her part back.

OP posts:
Feminine · 29/11/2013 20:07

well imo YANBU to be upset actually.

I might have got something different from the rest of you...but I think I'd also be a bit put out!

op's daughter had a cold for 2 days right?

How on earth could the teacher think op's daughter might not come back? Confused the nativity plays are not for at least 2 weeks!

This was her daughter's part.

They could have easily used a stand -in...then let her daughter resume her place. That is true show business

I did attend stage school for my education

Feminine · 29/11/2013 20:08

oh but...I hope you didn't really give too much abuse to the teacher.

talking it over would have worked Wink

ipadquietly · 29/11/2013 20:09

TBH OP you would have caused my BP to rise by several mm... then, because I'm a fairly level-heded person, I would have had a laugh (at your expense).

I will keep my eyes open for arch enemies in my classroom on Monday. Should I be looking out for any particular defining characteristics?

Feminine · 29/11/2013 20:13

For goodness sake.

didn't any of you read where op made light of the arch enemies bit?

manicinsomniac · 29/11/2013 20:14

I am absolutely shocked at the responses on here - YANBU At all! (apart form the losing it and shouting bit).

I'm a performing arts teacher in a school and I would never even consider doing this. If a part is shared it is shared from the off. You can't give a child something then take it away later! Even losing half the performances would be a huge deal for most children. They can understanding that sharing is fair if that's always the deal but not after 5 weeks rehearsal. This child wasn't even an understudy - if she'd also put 5 weeks into rehearsing the part then I agree that giving her a performance would be the right thing to do.

The child was off school for just 2 days! I seriously doubt the other child was told to learn the lines, she probably just picked them up through practice. People read in for absent characters in both child and adult parts all the time - it doesn't mean we get the parts we read in for (if that was the case, I'd probably be playing all the roles in my current show!) I don't imagine the other child expected to get the part either.

The whole situation is completely unfair and, if I'd behaved like that, I would expect to be spoken to by the parent concerned. I'd hope to be spoken to politely and calmly but wouldn't be at all surprised if I got a rant.

The teacher has behaved ridiculously. If an important part is off in one of my show weeks I call the parent and find out what's going on and if we're going to need to rehearse a replacement.

Morgause · 29/11/2013 20:15

And this, dear reader, is why I'm so glad to be retired from nativity plays, concerts and sports days. I miss the teaching, the supportive parents and I miss the kids but so glad to be away from those parents.

DrankSangriaInThePark · 29/11/2013 20:16

Knickernicker- no, I'm all woman Grin but no boys wanted to take part in the play!

Feminine · 29/11/2013 20:18

THANK YOU manic I thought I was reading a different post!

It was unprofessional of the teacher to give away the role.

The role that her daughter had been rehearsing for 5 weeks!

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 29/11/2013 20:18

somewheresomehow - depends on the cold.

My dd technically has had "just a cold" and since last Friday has missed 4 mornings and one full day of pre school.

(In case you think I am keeping her off when I don't need to I should say that I also have a teething, full of cold baby. If she was at pre school I would be able to go back to bed when the baby napped. I'm pretty motivated!)

HumphreyCobbler · 29/11/2013 20:20

If the part if shared from the beginning then fine. I find it very strange behaviour from the teacher to give it to another child the week before the performance and after only two days of absence. I am a primary school teacher and I would not do this after such a short time, or at all without phoning to see how ill the child actually was and when they were planning to return.

Feminine · 29/11/2013 20:23

sanity resumes to the thread!

LifeHuh · 29/11/2013 20:30

YANBU at all. Well, maybe to lose it at the teacher, deepening on what was said, but the teacher was completely unreasonable. That anyone can think letting a child rehearse a part for 5 weeks and then say she'd have to share it is fine amazes me.
I should think OPs daughter would be upset, and worry that she isn't doing a good enough job, that teacher prefers her new "job share"
Poor kid.

MelanieRavenswood · 29/11/2013 20:30

So glad to read Feminine and manic's responses - I often seem to be going against the grain on here atm! I just keep thinking that my 7 year old would be very upset and have his confidence shaken if this happened to him. I would not go ranting and raving to the teacher and would make the best of it with him but they haven't handled it well in my view.

I am a bit surprised at so many rehearsals and multiple performances for this age group but then my ds school is quite small - maybe this is normal elsewhere!

working9while5 · 29/11/2013 20:35

Lots of precious teachers on here being far more U than OP.

Banning a parent from school and ensuring 'spoiled' child never gets a part in anything again? The stand in deserved reward for two whole days 'work'? Ears will be burning as teachers with be sneering in staffroom?

Very mature, very professional Hmm

Feenie · 29/11/2013 20:37

Lots of precious teachers on here being far more U than OP

Gosh, how unusual to see you teacher bashing, working.

How do you know that teachers posted hose remarks?

Feminine · 29/11/2013 20:38

feenie they have said as much.

Pearlsaplenty · 29/11/2013 20:38

I think it is a good idea to share the part. If dd or the other girl is sick then the other can do it in the day. Very good idea at the age of 6 to share major parts around.

Feenie · 29/11/2013 20:42

Where?

*The stand in deserved reward for two whole days 'work'?.....Very mature, very professional.'

You really think that point is immature and unprofessional? Really? Hmm

working9while5 · 29/11/2013 20:43

'If it were MY school you'd be banned....'. Think that's a giveaway. The usual entitled careworn 'oh look at what insanity we have to put up with' noise reeks of precious teachers.

Not sure why the sarcasm about me teacher bashing. I have respect for teachers who are respectful of the profession and who don't go moaning and whinging about having to deal with parents and kids in a sneery fashion. In short, the non-precious ones. There are many.

nennypops · 29/11/2013 20:43

I must say I really don't get why so many people think the teacher acted sensibly. If anything it sounds like she overreacted by getting the other little girl to learn the lines - why not just have someone read in? It sounds as if the teacher wrongly raised the other child's expectations of doing the part and now OP's child has to pay the price of saving the teacher's face.

Tabliope · 29/11/2013 20:43

I think it unfair too to do it in this way. And 6 year olds can have "arch enemies", it's just a bit of hyperbole for two kids that have a clash of personalities that's all. To be off two days and then find you've got to share the part would hurt at any age surely?

Feenie · 29/11/2013 20:45

'If it were MY school you'd be banned....'

That's just the one, working - most people would just take it up with that specific poster.

But of course, it's far more mature and professional to use it as an excuse to teacher bash. Again.

working9while5 · 29/11/2013 20:49

I don't teacher bash.
I have great respect for teachers.
I do not have respect for teachers who sneer or moan about parents and children online.

Where are all my supposed teacher bashing contributions btw? I rarely post about teachers.

Feenie · 29/11/2013 20:53

Do a search with your username and 'teacher'.

Worried3 · 29/11/2013 21:01

Well OP- you were unreasonable to "lose it" with the teacher. For that you should apologise. It would have been better to have a sensible discussion about it. I think you probably know this.

However, YANBU to be a bit annoyed at the way it was handled. The part should have been shared from the beginning, or not at all. It is unfair to suddenly make her share the part- I suspect many 6 year olds would feel that they had had half their part taken away, rather than sharing. The teacher could certainly have handled it better.

As for all the teachers saying "well you're child will not get another part again" or the child should be banned- I'm Shock. You would really take your annoyance at a parent out on a child- and in the long-term too? Totally unprofessional. I hope you are exaggerating.