For losing it on DDs teacher when her part in the school play was given to another child when she was off sick for two days?

[Insolence]

At the start of November DD was given a great part in the school play. They have been rehearsing for almost five weeks. Last fri and mon I kept her at home to recover from a cold. When DD went into school on tues she was told by the form teacher that the girl who had stood in for her had learned her words beautifully and would now be doing half the performances... They are doing the play next week. DD was distraught and came home in floods of tears. She doesn't have lots of confidence and getting the part had been a massive boost. After sending a stinky email to the school I went in and spoke to the teacher who thought it would be kind to share the part out, and said they weren't sure when DD might come back to school. DD feels very betrayed and is worried about whether she is any good at the part. She's wondering if they will decide to give the rest of the performances to someone else who fancies having a go. And to top it off, the child they gave it to is DDs arch enemy (if it is possible to have an arch enemy at 6yo...). I lost it with the teacher. They couldn't understand why I was so cross. Starting to wonder if I have over reacted. DD says she just wants her part back.

Grab a thicker skin as well as well as humble pie OP. I can completely understand why you and your dd felt hurt - some kids get really really excited about doing something. To have it withdrawn/changed can cause them a lot of anxiety. My dss would have been the same.

You just have to develop a thicker skin and learn to put on a brave face for your dd, so that she toughens up a bit. "OK, I can see that you are disappointed, but Miss was being kind to Arch enemy, and you are still doing lots of (two?) performances" or " We will still be very proud of you and will love to come and see you"

Teacher wasn't sure when she was coming back to school??! That would make me cross actually. There are lots of good reasons for the teacher to have decided to share out the part, but that isn't one of them.

Nerfmother - to be fair a very heavy cold can necessitate days off school. My own DD has had to miss two days this week due to a nasty heavy cold hitting her hard. She isn't one to normally miss random days from school but no way could she have coped with a day at school those days. She isn't one to normally miss days from school. She's been rest of week as improved and could manage but still not well.

Look at it from the other child's point of view. They stood in, learnt it all and tried really hard and as a reward get to do some performances.

From the teacher's point of view - if one is off sick during performance week then there is cover.

I don't want them to change their minds, I was just so surprised that they thought that it was an ok thing to do. They should have shared the part from the off. I shouldn't have got so cross, agreed.

Didn't we have this thread last Christmas?

YABU (as you have conceded ) I hope your DD was unaware of your feelings about this incident.

I would have done exactly the same thing as this teacher. otherwise it is incredibly unfair on the stand in, who has done lots of hard work
L to suddenly be relegated once the 'star' is back. It is another 6 year old you are taking about! imagine how hard it would have been for her just to be dropped once your daughter came back. This is absolutely the fairest way and I imagine the teacher is finding it difficult to understand your view. in your eyes, your daughter is the most important child in the class. o your child's teacher all 30 are of equal importance and this was the fairest way to deal with the situation. neither child has lost the part. They will both have the opportunity to perform it.
Only you know if you actually lost it with this teacher. if you did, every teacher in that school will know about it and will probably have been warned about you! Do you feel you need to apologise?

Cross posts

Your DD has an arch enemy? Maybe this will teach your daughter some social skills, such as being happy to share and to make friends with her 6 year old arch enemy.

Im not where she learned her unreasonable behaviour from though.

The teacher is being completely fair. 20 parts and let me guess 60 children? It would be really hard to please all those parents!

She hasn't lost part she has had to share it....sounds very fair. Hope your dd doesn't get upset anymore by this.

Arch enemy at 6 ....yes a bit worrying

Dd was in the position of the other child a couple of years ago. The girl with a bigger role was off school a few times and dd was the stand-in during several rehearsals. Eventually they decided that dd should keep the bigger role and give the smaller one to the other girl.

Dd was gutted. She had no interest in the bigger role and much preferred the glittery costume from her original role!

Just to clarify, the child now sharing the part was not an understudy, she'd not had anything to do with the part before Friday. I don't think IABU to be angry about their sudden decision while my DD was off sick but I will apologise for my temper to the teacher... We have a good relationship usually. Agreed, so it's a just a play, each child is great whether they are stage hand or star, my problem was at the giving with one hand, taking with the other...

One of my children is a donkey - if your daughter is interested he's very willing to let her have the part. He just cannot get the heehaws right and on time.

It is hard for the teacher though. Your dd is off, they don't know when she will be back and the play is next week.

A child says ' I know all the lines Miss' She stands in for rehearsals and is good. On Monday, your dd is off again- so the stand in 'stands in' again.
What is the teacher to do?

Sharing is the only sensible thing to ensure someone will be there to be in the play. They can't be expected to wait to see if your dd will be better by show time.

Insolence if the other child wasn't an under study then she must have worked extremely hard to learn the lines in such a short period. That makes it even more fair that the part is shared. Also how are they giving with one hand and taking away with another? Your DD still has a part.

You clearly don't think you are BU.

Wow. Really? And you had to ask on here...

I can just imagine the entire staffroom listening to one of their poor colleagues telling them about a demented mother, her star daughter and the arch enemy who has ruined her daughter's Christmas.

6?!

You better sort the attitude before she's 16.

I think yanbu. The part should have been shared from the off if it is going to be shared at all. The teacher should have read the part while your dd was off.

Fgs

Gods, it's the sort of response that make school productions such a nightmare, year after year.
Is it the first time your daughter has been off this term? Might the teacher have been worried about the child's stress levels, and wondered if the illness was linked to it?
And having enemies at 6? What are you doing to help her gain a sense of proportion?

You obviously don't think you are being unreasonable. as I said, that is because you are only looking at the situation from one pov. To anyone considering the whole situation, you have been extremely unreasonable for 'losing it on' the teacher who has done nothing but try to be fair to all involved.

If your daughter had the part taken away, then yes, you may have had room to complain-politely. however, since she will still get to perform the part you have been over the top and pushy-in the extreme.