to be struggling to get my DSs to school on time?

[VelvetSpoon]

DS1 (yr11) didn't go to school again today. DS2 (yr8) went but was barely on time. They are late often, they had been doing better since half term, and hadn't been late at all. In the last week DS1 has been late twice, and today didn't go in at all.

I am struggling. They refuse to get up in the morning, and as I am out of the house before 7.30 I don't have time to spend ages waking them, but if I don't there's a risk they'll be late. Or I have to stay later and make myself late for work.

School aren't interested. With a A-C passrate below 40%, DS1 (who can get a C without working or revising) isn't a priority.

I have tried removal of xbox, it works temporarily but not beyond a day or two (even if its still confiscated then).

Am at my wits end really.

Velvet, with the best will in the world if he isn't in his teachers cannot teach him anything. If he doesn't get A*s, it will be down to him.

Even if he does get A*s there is no guarantee colleges will take him with a record of truanting and poor punctuality.

Make him stand in the cold - he is old enough to understand the consequences of not attending school.

If making them stand outside in the cold is what it takes to get them to school then that's what you have to do. Do it for a week till they realize you are serious. They are disregarding what you say at the moment. I would feel so disappointed to have children like these with such little sense of responsibility at the age they are.

Velvet, isn't there another, better school you could send them to - both so that they start to realise it isn't just you making up these rules (because they're getting mixed messages) and so that your son has a decent chance of getting the gardes for dentistry, if the teaching is as poor as you say??

I think to say he's fucking up bigtime is unfair. He is top of every class despite lateness and absences.

I will make them stand in the cold if that's the only option. But I'd rather not. But if I have to, I have to.

My worry is that in trying to get them out of bed and ready that early every morning I'm going to be constantly late for work, which I can't really afford to do, for risk of losing my job.

We are in a grammar area, if you miss selection, there are no better schools :(

DS1 hopes to get into grammar 6th form. Hence the tutor, because he has no chance otherwise.

no you can't have them standing outside the gates for an hour in the cold.Apart from being seriously unkind, I think the school would take a very dim view of a 12 year old being kicked out to hang about the street for an hour at that time in a morning t with nowhere to go especially as the youngest is only 12.Also they might very well get themselves into trouble (shoplifting,vandalism)rather than just stand cold angry and bored
what time do they go to bed or more precisely to sleep? Maybe it needs to be earlier.
I would make them get up at the same time as you and be dressed before you leave the house.

I'd be really surprised if a grammar school sixth-form would accept a student with a serious record of truanting. Stop making excuses for him - he is messing up his future, he is choosing to do this and he seems to be taking your younger son for the ride.

You have to sit them down and tell them exactly what you said in your last post.

If you lose your job you are all in trouble.

Your eldest is living in cloud cuckoo land if he thinks his current behaviour and attitude is going to get hime the straight A/A*s and As at A level he will need to get into dental school. Plus the extracurricular stuff and references he will need.

the need a reality check. Now.

Can you rope in the parents of a friend? Next time DS doesn't get to school/is late, he has to get up to leave the house with you for a whole week and you drop him off at friend's house on your way out.

My DS (year 12) has got himself to school on time for the last 2 or 3 years, firstly by having a friend who called round and waited for him, and then this term by him stopping off at a friend's house on the way. He explained to me that if he's late at friend's house, he gets texts threatening to cut his bollocks off....

Blimey OP you have my sympathies. It sounds like you are working your arse off to support your family, alone and dealing with not desperately unusual teenage traits of laziness and complacency with no help. A lot of the posters on here keep saying "well MY secondary school does breakfast club etc" that's not helpful, as the OP has already said her's doesn't open. She CAN'T change her work and as for home schooling yes, that will work whilst holding down a demanding 9-5 with a 2 hr commute! Honestly OP it would seem to me that no 1 is to demand the school step up with consequences for lateness. 2 - is he doing his mocks soon? Make sure they mark him realistically, NOT matched against lower achievers in his cohort but against the proper mark scheme from the year the paper was set - it might be a wake up call. He may be top of his groups but they don't give A*s away. Other than that, all you can do is keep going with sanctions etc but be really firm. Good luck

I would enlist the help of the school. Every school I've ever known has had sanctions for lateness. If the Head of Year is unresponsive, go higher, to Head and then Governors.

How are you going to explain your ds1's absence today? I'd write a note saying he couldn't be bothered to get up and tell both of them that you'll be doing that in future.

Be very firm about bedtimes. Both of them are old enough to get themselves up. You can tell them the time before you leave and then they take the consequences when they are late/or don't turn up.

There is no way that ds1 is going to be a dentist unless he pulls his socks up.

If you lose your job you can't pay for the tutor...spell that one out to him!

Or threaten to stop the tutor anyway, if he 's not going to go into school on time. Then his "plan" will definitely be in tatters.

And there is no way that his record is going to look good on any further education applications.

We had a very long discussion about his future a few weeks ago, he was hugely fired up after that and enthusiastically attended the various 6th form open evenings, asked questions of the pupils, and said how much he wanted to be at a school like that where kids wanted to learn.

That's why its so disappointing he's gone back on it so quickly (although his general attitude has remained much better - he was almost contrite today, whereas he used to be surly).

I'm going to try the being up and dressed by the time I leave for the next few days. If it doesn't work, then it will have to be leaving with me. They are going to bed at 10 tonight (they have never had formal bedtimes before) and again, if that works, we will keep doing it.

If I had people who could help, I'd ask them. But I really don't, its just me and the boys.

My school doesn't have breakfast club. Kids are already waiting outside when I arrive at 7:30. Velvet is having a tough time but she has to do something - you can't just wash your hands of it and blame the school.

I agree with Thymeout, especially about the explanation for absence.

they have never had formal bedtimes before

The school do take a register in the mornings. They thought he was there apparently.

According to DS1, its quite common for kids to answer yes to every name called. Supply teachers (of which there are many) don't know who's who, and everyone gets marked in.

I think you have found the root of your problem with the lack of formal bedtimes. 10pm is still (imo) quite late for a 12 year old who needs to be up for school the next day.

Implement formal bedtimes, and stick to them at weekends too. You have to give it at least a week for their body clocks to adjust. If they still aren't awake bring the bedtimes forward some more.